Yizkor - One candle or two?

amother

Thu, Oct 08 2020, 3:38 pm

I am curious if there are different minhagim with regard to lighting candles for two parents.

DH lights only one but my sister seems quite sure they light two on her husband's side.

I'm just wondering if this is due to different minhagim or possibly DH just never realized (it's not in the book I have either).

Elfrida

Thu, Oct 08 2020, 3:41 pm

I remember learning that the minimum is one, but that a lot of people light one candle for each person, and this is considered preferable. You are probably right that there is an element of minhag in it.

Growing up, my parents only ever lit one. So far I have no need to light more than one, but I rather like the idea of each neshama being represented by their own flame, so I may light more when it becomes relevant.

Last edited by Elfrida on Thu, Oct 08 2020, 3:45 pm; edited 1 time in total

SixOfWands

Thu, Oct 08 2020, 3:45 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I believe that one is sufficient, but that some people light more. My father, who is staunchly secular, somehow believes that he must light one for each person who died, and I'm afraid he's going to burn something down (my mom, his parents, my mom's parents whom he adored, and his brother -- that's a LOT of candles).

amother

Mint

Thu, Oct 08 2020, 4:59 pm

My mother lights one for each parent of hers and my dad's, and then one extra for everyone else.

Tzippy323

Thu, Oct 08 2020, 5:58 pm

I light one for each of my parents and husband, one for each set of grandparents for whom there is no one to light anymore, and one for an uncle who never married and has no one to say yizkor for him. I believe that if you are going to say yizkor for someone, then you should light a candle for that person. This is not Halacha, or even a minhag, it’s just my own personal feeling.

zaq

Thu, Oct 08 2020, 6:06 pm

One is sufficient, just as two Shabbos licht are sufficient. Even one Shabbos licht is yotze the mitzvah since the bracha is lehadlik NER not NEROT but two per household seems to be a pretty pervasive minimum.

zaq

Thu, Oct 08 2020, 6:12 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

A friend of mine lit for her extended family including great-aunts and uncles, a total at that time of about a dozen candles. I spent one YT at her house and was terrified that something would catch fire. Twelve flames burning over 24 hours is a LOT of heat in one spot.

essie14

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 6:10 am

My holocaust survivor Bubby always lit one per parent, one per sibling, and one for the rest of her extended family who perished.

Iymnok

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 6:13 am

DH recently started lighting one for both parents. One each is considered wasteful. Though some may find it meaningful.

amother

Pumpkin

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 6:14 am

It’s one candle per neshama
(On Yom Kippur we light another candle but that has nothing to do with the neshamos).

fleetwood

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 6:35 am

I light only one but say yizkor for 8 people,that's what my mom does. Luckily my husband doesn't need to say yizkor or light so he doesn't have a minhag

thanks

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 7:10 am

My Hungarian mother said lighting candle was done on yartzeit not yizkor. This is a new post holocaust minhag since many don't have exact yartzeit date.
(if you have a source for it, please post.)

amother

Linen

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 7:11 am

fleetwood wrote:

I light only one but say yizkor for 8 people,that's what my mom does. Luckily my husband doesn't need to say yizkor or light so he doesn't have a minhag

He doesn’t have a Minhag or he doesn’t use it?

essie14

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 7:32 am

thanks wrote:

My Hungarian mother said lighting candle was done on yartzeit not yizkor. This is a new post holocaust minhag since many don't have exact yartzeit date.
(if you have a source for it, please post.)

My Hungarian grandmother knows the dates her parents were killed. She still lights a yarzeit candle every holiday where yizkor is said.
I assume her mother did this as well. Where else would she have learned that from?
My MIL (Russian) also does this and learned from her mother.

ValleyMom

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 12:44 pm

I light one for my dad and one for my older sister.
I don't want them "sharing" a candle and BH I can afford two candles.

ImmaBubby

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 1:07 pm

I'm the only frum person left on my mother's side of the family, unfortunately, which was pretty much decimated during the war. I light lots of candles, and Yizkor takes a long time, even with the paragraphs dedicated to those who passed away in the Holocaust. We don't have children living at home anymore that aren't adults, and when the grandchildren are here, I cut it down to bare basics.
My husband gently teases me that it's Yom Tov, not Lag BaOmer....

imasoftov

Sat, Oct 10 2020, 1:29 pm

thanks wrote:

My Hungarian mother said lighting candle was done on yartzeit not yizkor. This is a new post holocaust minhag since many don't have exact yartzeit date.
(if you have a source for it, please post.)

Minhagim may differ, my family all came to the US earlier and from other parts of Europe and lit at both yahrzeit and yizkor.