Moms of large families

amother

Seashell

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 9:21 am

banana123 wrote:

Just out of curiosity, does each child get attention from both parents every night? Or do your parents take turns getting the kids to sleep, or switch off which kids they sit with? And what does "personal time" mean - what happens, when, how long for each kid?

Nope not both parents. My father is generally home supper time, and leaves later to learn/daven/do errands. My mother does bedtime as a general rule:) It means every child gets 10 minutes to read/play a game/schmooze about their day...Then they say shema and get tucked into bed. My mother usually then does laundry (right outside the kids' room) or reads outside their door until they fall asleep.

amother

Lime

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 10:23 am

banana123 wrote:

As a mom of 8 kids ka”h, my husband and I speak to every child before they go to sleep. We start by saying Shema for the younger kids in one bedroom and then switch off each taking a bedroom. We speak to each child for a few minutes when they’re in bed. Then we swap bedrooms and talk to the other younger kids.

The older kids we talk to when they’ve gotten into pjs, even if they’ll go to sleep after us.

The younger kids kids usually talk about 3 minutes and the older are usually 5 minutes to an hour if something came up.

That’s besides from when they come home when they can talk to us as we do homework, prep supper and the bedtime marathon!

amother

Blonde

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 11:09 am

lilies wrote:

Do you really believe the majority of small families do the above? Each child gets attention from both parents every night? No switching off?

LOL. We currently only have 3 and we don't do this. I grew up one of two kids, and my parents didn't do this either. They were still great parents, I had a happy childhood, and I'm close with them as an adult. Anytime I really needed them, I knew they would be there for me and they were.

amother

Wine

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 11:24 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Of course some people have it easier then others. Everyone has difference circumstances, emotional resources, personalities...

I’ll say this under my own screen name. I have two young teens and a 5 year old. They are all good kids and don’t have any major issues. I Bh have lots of cleaning help and babysitting help. My cleaning lady cooks as well. I Bh am comfortable money wise. From all outside appearances I look like I’m doing great. My kids look clean and well dressed. I try hard to show them lots of love and make them feel capable and give them self esteem. There’s usually a fresh hot dinner on the table. For Yom tov there was fresh home made challahs and mounds of delicious home cooked food. My kids have all
The latest toys and electronics. And yet, I don’t think I’m managing. I have lots of emotional/mental health issues that leave me feeling depleted. So many days (like today) I can barely get myself out of bed. I can’t seem to push myself to do anything with them. I should at least get up and bake cookies with them or do a craft, but instead I’m laying in bed and crying. Nobody knows that part. So to the outside world I look super. Really, I’m crumbling inside.

I am crumbling because I don’t have good help. I cannot run the house on my own. I also have emotional issues but with good help the house is calmer and runs smoother and that makes my brain more able to breathe. I have similar family size to you

amother

Forestgreen

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 12:27 pm

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

This I “only” have four kids but I have no cleaning help whatsoever. I work and I’m crumbling too. My small apartment is a cluttered dirty mess that I’m working to clean today. But as in doing it I’m feeling very sorry for myself

NotLazySusan

Fri, Oct 09 2020, 2:05 pm

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

I don't (sometimes I spank, I Try to avoid it), but I do object to the "all moms are great moms" tropes, because they are wrong and harmful. Some moms aren't great and we shouldn't be telling them they are, we should be protecting their kids from them.

If only someone had protected me and my brothers and sisters from my mom and dad...

amother

cornflower

Sun, Oct 11 2020, 10:15 pm

lilies wrote:

Do you really believe the majority of small families do the above? Each child gets attention from both parents every night? No switching off?

We have special time each day, both parents with each child individually
3 children

amother

Tan

Tue, Oct 13 2020, 12:26 am

I’m really happy to see this post, so many moms with large families, me personal would love to have a large family hope to get there, what I see each time I become pregnant and specially when I have my kids close, I get such gifts from hasham so much more money and I’m talking about a lot more money, I take it as a sign that hasham wants me to have kids and gives me money, to be able to help my self and take help that I need.

miami85

Tue, Oct 13 2020, 1:07 am

I have 5 ka"h and I don't necessarily give each child equal attention but I do try to give each child attention according to what he/she needs, and there are a lot of times that my kids don't WANT my attention. They are happy doing what they are doing. My house probably needs more of my attention but that's the way it is.