My baby might be trying to kill me

amother

Beige

Fri, Oct 16 2020, 10:22 am

This whole thread makes me so sad. Babies need attachment to their primary care giver. The fact that 3 pages of people are telling you how to avoid holding your baby is heartbreaking.

Is this really what frum parenting is supposed to look like? Having as many kids as you can, but not having time to snuggle them? Just giving birth is not enough. You are not just a baby factory. You are their main source of security and nurturing for the rest of their lives.

hodeez

Fri, Oct 16 2020, 10:40 am

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

Are you coping OP? Because your thread title is a little alarming.

Maybe I shouldn't have put such a shocking title, but I was so overwhelmed last night I just needed some advice, or at least a listening ear. I feel like something must be bothering him bc there are times when he can be on his own. I just have no idea what. Doctor said he's not teething and everything looks fine, and I know he's full, and if he's really kvetchy I give him gripe water and rub his tummy. I'm not sure what else it could be

avrahamama

Fri, Oct 16 2020, 10:45 am

hodeez wrote:

He looooooves you. You're his favorite person in the whole wide world.

amother

Indigo

Fri, Oct 16 2020, 11:38 am

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

This is not a fair post.
It was a big challenge for me with my first child.
Actually then it was the hardest because I wasn’t used to it.
Later I already learned how to cope, for example I bought a cordless vacuum to vacuum the kitchen floor instead of sweeping it etc.
I love love love my kids. Then and now,
Every single one of them, even though this part was a challenge for me.
I felt like my hands are tied and also my brain, (like when child screams because you stopped to say hi to a friend).
It’s ok to get support from friends!

amother

Pearl

Fri, Oct 16 2020, 11:59 am

It sounds like your life is really full and challenging with four children and a full time job. But I don’t think that means anything is wrong with your baby. He may just need extra attention, more so than your other kids. Perhaps try to accept the situation, as difficult as it is, rather than comparing him to your other children. I think it’s your expectations that are making this hard. Not saying it’s easy though, best of luck!

amother

Cobalt

Fri, Oct 16 2020, 1:14 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

Agreed. It's not fair to expect moms to hold their babies 24/7. Even if we wanted to, there are other things that need attention sometimes. It doesn't mean you don't love your children. I'm home with my little ones and I still can't give them undivided attention all the time. So I balance--hold and snuggle a bit, bouncer in the kitchen and talk and smile and make faces while I make dinner, tummy time and fold laundry on the floor. Ask the older ones to give a toy or paci. Motherhood is a balancing act. OP, it's hard! Hang in there--it'll get easier.

gibberish

Fri, Oct 16 2020, 1:25 pm

My oldest was like that too at that age until I tried Tylenol. I had no idea he was in pain, but with Tylenol, he was back to himself. I think he had really really painful teething. It did eventually pass. Try Tylenol, if that helps then you can take it from there.

shaynala

Fri, Oct 16 2020, 1:35 pm

beige, I don't think this post should make you sad. I think the ideas listed here are not "how to avoid holding your baby" but how to avoid holding your baby every single second of the day and thereby NOT FUNCTIONING!! that's very very different. I think many frum mothers with multiple children hold their babies ALOT!!!
my first child needed to be held constantly, it wasn't a matter of other children, as he was my only and I felt that I was losing my mind, not to mention feeling completely incompetent and stupid as a mother. I previously thought I was smart and put together. well, not anymore!! happens to be he's still a very intense and slightly impulsive child...
by the way, this is not a plug for having a baby every single year or having another baby, when you're not ready, I'm just pointing out that the two are not really connected. You can have a mother with multiple children who is managing beautifully (based on her personality, her children's personalities and a million other factors) and a mother with one child who feels like she is losing her mind.
I don't think signing up for motherhood means you need to be ready to hold your baby 24/7. I think a mother should always try to meet a baby's needs (and bring in the swings, mothers helpers, bumbos as needed) but her needs count to!!

amother

Peach

Fri, Oct 16 2020, 1:44 pm

hodeez wrote:

He's almost 4 months old. He doesn't let me leave his sight and I'm close to the edge already. He is number 5... None of my others were like this. I don't know what to do. Doctor cleared him, checked eyes, ears, throat, stomach, butt, legs, NOTHING BOTHERING HIM. Why is he so difficult all of a sudden? Prior to 3 months he was my little angel, and now I don't know what he is Sad

I don't know if something is bothering him or if he just wants attention. Regardless, I'm lost. SOS Sad

he may be sensory. needs a lot of mom till nine years of age. just like two of my boys. Give what he needs. 4 months old is when a certain intelligence kicks in. sights, sounds, actions, stimulation is overwhelming for such children. if he is sensory, he davka needs a different kind of parenting. one boy went through a new pack of 6 color play dough every week. It was a kind of therapy. he went ice skating every two weeks till he got sick of it. he rode his bike recklessly in the rain, snow, sleet 60 minutes away from my house just for the stimulation... the younger one I took weekly to speed cars go cars for the stimulation till he got sick of it. they both are oisgeshipilt by age 13.

avrahamama

Fri, Oct 16 2020, 1:55 pm

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

BAH you put so much into them. Good for you!

Children are amazing each one so different and somehow HKBH thinks we can multitask all their different personalities and needs.

Mah rabu maasecha!

avrahamama

Fri, Oct 16 2020, 2:31 pm

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

BAH you put so much into them. Good for you!

Children are amazing each one so different and somehow HKBH thinks we can multitask all their different personalities and needs.

Mah rabu maasecha!