Bar mitzvah in tier 3 corona restrictions. Dh won't budge. W

amother

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:48 am

So we are making a bar mitzvah in a couple of weeks and we had planned to do it in our garden, in a gazebo. Buffet style. I've always wanted to do a small thing, no kids in our house but dh doesn't want.

Please note: most of the family have had the virus including my parents who are the most at risk.
My parents want it in their house bc they're worried about our neighbor's telling of us. All non jews live immediately around us where we live. I'm also really worried of them telling or it even just causing a big chilul Hashem. And we are risking a £10k fine which we can't afford.

My parents have only yidden on their little culdi sac and all around them so much less of a risk but dh insists on still making it in our garden. Wwyd?

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:49 am

I would change up the party to be whatever the law says. That way you can have it in your own garden.
And no offense, but jews can and do tell on other jews, so just because it would be in your parents garden instead of yours means nothing.

amother

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:58 am

We can't have anything at all of we kept to the law unfortunately. It would be a completely non existent bar mitzvah like boys had at the beginning of lockdown but it's different now as shuls and schools are still open! My parents are even happy to come to the photographers house for pics with us. They're not bothered. It's my dh who wants to be as 'safe' as possible but I can assure you non of his siblings or mine care (they've all mostly had the virus) my sil is making one in her house a month after ours. My in laws aren't coming anyway Sad

amother

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:02 am

In the uk (and specifically where we live) we've been put into tier 3 from friday night. That means no one is allowed into anyone else's house or garden at all!! And no wedding receptions full stop! Its crazy

I told dh if we're anyway doing something wrong we may as well do it 'safer' neighbour wise and be more comfortable at my parents house, or ours!!

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:06 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My daughter missed her bat mitzvah this year. Pashut did not have one. Same with some boys in the community, no bar mitzvahs either.

OP, sorry, but in my opinion, you do what you need to do to keep the law. I know, its not fun, for you or the bar mitzvah boy.

Or wait it out and do something once you are allowed to do things legally again.

Or have him lein through zoom.

amother

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:09 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I just feel if schools and shuls are all open still my son deserves a small bar mitzvah. His friends just had in resteraunts and my son was invited to both and some sort of kiddush on shabbos/motzai shabbos.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:11 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You asked wwyd? Im telling you what we did.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:15 am

vintagebknyc wrote:

Follow. The. Law.

What do you teach your children when you openly break the law?

This, this, this. 100 times, this.

Success10

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:17 am

I'm sorry, these are such horrible times. Is it an option to push off the bar mitzvah a few weeks in the hopes that the rules will loosen up? Also, how many people are allowed to gather at once outdoors? I have a neighbors who did shifts, everyone had a set time to come and leave, so as not to exceed the legal number.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:18 am

Success10 wrote:

Thats such a great idea, the shifts.

amother

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:19 am

What? And not even have my parents round for their oldest son's bar mitzvah?? Nope not happening. My father, mother and single brother are all working like normal (bc of course that's allowed bc it's for the economy!) So why not this?! Makes zero sense. Just bc its the law?! Ridiculous sorry

amother

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:21 am

Success10 wrote:

No one is allowed in our garden. Period. I live somewhere else, not NYC. It's very hard to push off as my son has been learning his leaning for the specific birthday week for almost a year.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:26 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No one is allowed in our garden. Period. I live somewhere else, not NYC. It's very hard to push off as my son has been learning his leaning for the specific birthday week for almost a year.

OP, you said in your OP that it was going to be in your garden. Now you say nobody is allowed in your garden???
Also, dont you live in england? You mentioned the fine in pounds. Why would you think she thought you were in nyc?
And what about he leins for your entire family and friends and anyone else who wants to listen, on zoom? I know so many people who have done that this year now.

amother

Olive

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:28 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Op, we're in the same position (we're in the US). And honestly we're not doing anything now.

My parents, who live in the uk, are not allowed into the country and my in laws are in a surge state.

It's hugely disappointing.

If school remains open ds will lein via zoom on the Monday.

We'll send in donuts for his classmates.

And next year, pG, he'll lein "his" parsha in shul surrounded by family.

Becoming bar mitzvah is not about the party, or even the aliyah. It is about taking responsibility for your own mitzvot.

I certainly do not want my son to start that by creating a chilul Hashem and violating dina malchuta dina.

amother

Teal

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:29 am

Do Uk laws allow for people to come up to your property but not come onto it? To come family by family or boy by boy, stay behind a line, take a packaged food gift you made, say mazal tov, and go?

Also, you say shuls are open. What are the rules there? Can people come to hear him lein? Can food be given out prepackaged?

amother

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:33 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I'm trying to tell you that we plan on doing it in our garden even though we aren't allowed to so may as well have it inside our house where it'll safer from neighbours seeing. Virus wise nothing is safe here but as I said all of the family have had it besides for one family but they've been in contact with it, just didn't get it 🤷‍♀️.

amother

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:35 am

DrMom wrote:

When you say that shuls are still open, what does that mean? Up to 10 people only, or are more allowed?

Our shul is open like normal. My dh is one of the only ones wearing a mask. Family and a couple of my sons friends can come to hear hI'm lein