What motivates small kids to change habits?

thegiver

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 10:01 pm

For long term changes.

Not like star charts, bribing with prizes or bullying them with threats! Do stories ever work? Like getting a kid to practice good hygiene, put away their belongings, put things back after use, clean up toys after play, clean up something they break.

How do we ensure that our kids don't grow up with feeling of entitlement? Rather that they should know that they are needed and their help is crucial.

Or even to break a teasing habit? How do you create new channels of behavior when they feel something is not fair to communicate instead of taking it out in physical ways.

another example, My son has come home with a loud voice because in school he needs a loud voice to project over the mask. I need him to speak softly and gently without demands or shouts. How would you correct this without making it a battle?

Kids are under age ten.

baltomom

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 10:42 am

I will preface this by saying that this a work in progress for me and my children too; it takes a lot of time and effort to establish new habits. But here is what I believe is the right way of doing this, based on parenting classes and Sarah Chana Radcliffe's ideas (check out her book Better Behavior Now):

-Choose one habit to work on (with one kid or all your kids)--you can't focus on too many things at once.
-Get the kid(s) to do it
-Give a lot of praise and encouragement when they do it right. Give specific praise or positive character traits displayed, like "That was so responsible of you" or "Wow, you were so flexible" and make a big deal about the result, ie "Isn't it fun to play in the playroom when it's so clean because Shloimy picked up the Lego?" or "It's so good that you put your shirt in the hamper yesterday, so I washed it when I did the laundry and now you can wear it again." or "It's so pleasant in the house when everyone speaks in soft voices."
-If they do it wrong, ignore or try to get them to redo it right. "Can you say that again in a nice way/softer voice?"
-Give a lot of praise and encouragement.
-Repeat, over and over, until the new habit becomes ingrained.
-Then move on to the next one!

For young kids, I also like to tell stories about a fictitious family suspiciously similar to mine, where I exaggerate their behaviors or show what happens when bad habits are taken to extreme or when parents let everything go. The kids really enjoy the stories and then later I can say "Remember what happened to [the character in the story] who never cleaned up his lego and all the lego got lost and he had nothing to play with?" For the case of your son speaking in a loud voice, I might tell about a family where everyone got used to talking really loudly in school and they all talked loudly at once at home and the mother couldn't help anyone because she couldn't hear them and she got a headache and had to go to bed.... Exaggerate, act it out, and make it humorous.

Good luck!

ChanieMommy

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 1:22 pm

Yes, children need to feel needed, giving them the impression that their help is important is a good way to build up their self-confidence and a team spirit in the family...

When children are small, let's face it, their help is more extra work than help. But this is the moment where you can teach and motivate them... and suddenly, one or two years later, they know how to do it on their own...

amother

Firebrick

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 1:36 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Hang up cute signs that say Shhhh...talk quietly.

When your kid talks in a loud voice, respond in a whisper.

my daughter gets so mad that I talk quietly. She complains our house is too quiet and that SHE is talking normally. even though she admits that she can hear what I'm saying, doesn't matter..It was a disaster yesterday Sad

but maybe that would work for other kids

keym

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 1:56 pm

I like using humor, songs, and chants.
It helps me encourage habits without ramming it down my kids' throats.
The handwashing song
The toothbrush dance
The hold hands while crossing street chant
The after supper chores song.
The homework rhyme and the special "we finished our homework" song AND dance.
The various clean up games
The bath race

I made them up, will not share, too embarrassed. But they help.
Not perfect.
But I'm able to express my expectations without nagging.

amother

Peach

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 2:12 pm

These are all solid suggestions:

A few other ideas -
make a detailed list of a procedure -

for example when they come home:
Say hello
Hang up your coat.
Put your lunch bag in the kitchen.
Get a snack.
Put glass in the dishwasher
Go have fun!

Read about habit stacking - take one thing s/he absolutely always does, and then add one step to it.

Hatzlacha!

I always say it is hard to be a good parent and a bad parent - the question is, do you want to put in a lot of work now, or a LOT OF WORK LATER.