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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Help me word this?



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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Nov 06 2020, 4:35 am
I just found out that the woman who coordinates the post-birth food trains in my town had a baby herself! She has been exceptionally good to me--I just had a baby and have some special dietary needs, and every few days she's been sending something over a salad or a soup or something that she made herself just for me (the regular food is feeding my family and I'm grateful, but I can't necessarily eat it). We just moved and I never met her, so I was shocked and so impressed that she has been doing this while clearly nine months pregnant herself!

I want to send her a mazel tov message... something like: Wow, mazel tov!!! UM now what? I guess I hope that she has a good experience now in the post-birth stage, just as she has generously been providing to me and others.
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Fri, Nov 06 2020, 4:38 am
How bout: Mazel Tov!!! Soooo appreciate all your help when I needed. What can we do for you now?
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Nov 06 2020, 5:35 am
I am still accepting help myself... I hope to contribute in the future, but I am not in a position to offer any help right now. (And in any case, the help that I tend to give postpartum friends is usually childcare, carpools, not giving food items--I know my strengths.)
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Fri, Nov 06 2020, 5:53 am
ok so : "mazel tov!!! so happy for you and your whole mishpocha! hope you and baby are feeling awesome!!!"

you can add if you want : thanks for all you do! Had no idea you were doing it all while you were expecting. Look forward to meeting you when things settle down."
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Nov 06 2020, 5:54 am
THANK YOU! sometimes I overthink!
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Fri, Nov 06 2020, 5:56 am
It's ok, whatever you write is fine its just the gesture of reaching out and extending the mazel tov is thoughtful

feel good!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 06 2020, 6:02 am
Don't say anything like "it must have been hard for you while you were pregnant."

Some women have REALLY easy pregnancies, and actually feel guilty, because so many other women don't. If she could take on all of that without over extending herself, that is it's own reward. Drawing attention to anything about how hard or easy things were for her, would just be awkward.

A friend of mine was always posting on FB about how easy her pregnancies were B'H. She was baking challah for women while in the early stages of labor, and asking for who needs a brocha. Then 5 hours later she posted that she was back home with her 9 pound baby boy! Surprised

Believe it or not, instead of being happy for her, she got some passive aggressive comments. Something to the effect of "stop showing off, you are making the rest of us look bad." It really put a damper on her simcha, and she was very hurt.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Fri, Nov 06 2020, 6:06 am
amother [ Indigo ] wrote:
How bout: Mazel Tov!!! Soooo appreciate all your help when I needed. What can we do for you now?


Op is obviously not in position to help out just yet. Maybe send a really nice baby present and a nice note thanking her and hoping that you can give back one day...
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Nov 06 2020, 6:12 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
Don't say anything like "it must have been hard for you while you were pregnant."

Some women have REALLY easy pregnancies, and actually feel guilty, because so many other women don't. If she could take on all of that without over extending herself, that is it's own reward. Drawing attention to anything about how hard or easy things were for her, would just be awkward.

A friend of mine was always posting on FB about how easy her pregnancies were B'H. She was baking challah for women while in the early stages of labor, and asking for who needs a brocha. Then 5 hours later she posted that she was back home with her 9 pound baby boy! Surprised

Believe it or not, instead of being happy for her, she got some passive aggressive comments. Something to the effect of "stop showing off, you are making the rest of us look bad." It really put a damper on her simcha, and she was very hurt.


yes, that was kind of what I was wondering... whether to mention something indicating how amazed I am that she did this while so pregnant, or not.

I never actually met this woman, but in my mind she is a superhero! Maybe also cuz making food for people, even when not pregnant, is not my natural or easy "love language."

Also I don't know her at all, other than this one context where she is coordinating/sending me food. Never even heard her name before I had my baby, and not sure when I ever will meet her. (We also just moved to the area... I don't really know anyone. Especially with corona shutting down many of the natural opportunities to meet people.)
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Nov 06 2020, 6:18 am
amother [ Indigo ] wrote:
ok so : "mazel tov!!! so happy for you and your whole mishpocha! hope you and baby are feeling awesome!!!"


is it strange/overstepping for me to say this considering that I have no idea who her family is... I really don't know her? I see there are some kids in her WhatsApp pic but other than that... no info or previous interactions at all.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 06 2020, 6:24 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
is it strange/overstepping for me to say this considering that I have no idea who her family is... I really don't know her? I see there are some kids in her WhatsApp pic but other than that... no info or previous interactions at all.


I think that sounds appropriate. You could also send her a couple of cute stretchies, or maybe a box of chocolate.
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