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Forum
-> Inquiries & Offers
-> Lakewood, Toms River & Jackson related Inquiries
causemommysaid
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 10:54 am
Since she declined money, I would get her a really nice gift Chanukah time, Purim time, and end of the year. Sort of like for teachers. Maybe gift cards or a beautiful fancy mishloach manos
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amother
Violet
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 11:06 am
I would give a very generous gift card ($200-300) Chanukah time. So this way it’s a gift rather then payment and doesn’t cheapen what she is doing.
Either gift registry. Or just plain old visa gift card.
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amother
Blush
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 11:11 am
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I’m giving up my aid in lieu - that’s the way Jackson works - because I get bussing in the afternoon |
Oh I didn't know that. So then it's different.
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amother
Vermilion
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 12:32 pm
When I drove to school and took other kids because I was going there anyways, I did not want people to pay me because then I would be obligated to take them everyday. A nice check or gift card once in a wile was very nice.
MAKING SOMEONE FEEL LIKE THEY ARE OBLIGATED OR IT IS NO BIG DEAL BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING THERE ANYWAY IS NOT ONLY MEAN BUT RICHUS
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sweet
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 12:39 pm
I would definitely pay every week.
When I lived in a building and I would wait with my kids outside for the bus I always had a neighbor who would send me down her son every day so I should put him on the bus too, and she doesnt need to wait for the bus and everyday she wanted me to have her son for an hour and a half after school until she got home from work, 4 days a week)
She never offered to pay me and I felt used and abused..
And she always put me on the spot every time I told her its not working out for me.
After 2- 3 months I finally said no way.
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amother
Forestgreen
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 1:09 pm
amother [ Wine ] wrote: | I live in Baltimore and the going rate to drive kids for pay to any of the schools is between 60-80 per child per direction per month for 5 days a week. |
This.
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amother
Forestgreen
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 1:10 pm
Beings to mind this week's Double take in Mishpacha.... Obviously different circumstances.
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Amarante
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 1:13 pm
I agree with others that a really nice gift is appropriate.
I think many people would feel strange taking money in this situation especially since you do drive on Friday.
If I were driving a neighbor/friend's child in this circumstance, I would not accept payment and would decline if I were asked to accept payment but I would feel that a gift of some kind was appropriate. It wouldn't be that I was doing it for the gift but if the situations were reversed I would get the person nice gifts and so I try to treat people the way I would expect to be treated in similar circumstances.
Personally I think generic gift cards are better than gifts to a specific store or establishment. I have a number of specific gift cards that are sitting in my drawers unused.
However, a Visa gift card or an Amazon gift card can be used easily without having to think about it.
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cbg
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 1:22 pm
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote: | I like the idea of a gas card
Or different gift card every 2 months
To restaurant, amazon or just a visa gift card
Even if she declines it’s the right thing to do
And please include a nice thank you card |
Visa gift card this way she can decide where to spend it.
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amother
Papaya
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 2:26 pm
Where I live OOT the going rate I was told Is $10 a day. For door to door pickup. (Maybe less for you because you are bringing to her)
Anyway, what matters is what the going rate is where you live.
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amother
Coral
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 3:51 pm
sweet wrote: | I would definitely pay every week.
When I lived in a building and I would wait with my kids outside for the bus I always had a neighbor who would send me down her son every day so I should put him on the bus too, and she doesnt need to wait for the bus and everyday she wanted me to have her son for an hour and a half after school until she got home from work, 4 days a week)
She never offered to pay me and I felt used and abused..
And she always put me on the spot every time I told her its not working out for me.
After 2- 3 months I finally said no way. |
this is crazy!
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amother
Gold
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 4:01 pm
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote: | Beings to mind this week's Double take in Mishpacha.... Obviously different circumstances. |
OMG yes was thinknig the same thing!!! Is OP Adina??? I totally agreed with Malky and my husband took Adinas side! What a great one!
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amother
OP
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 4:06 pm
amother [ Gold ] wrote: | OMG yes was thinknig the same thing!!! Is OP Adina??? I totally agreed with Malky and my husband took Adinas side! What a great one! |
No I’m a normal regular understanding person not looking to take advantage of anyone, and therefore asking what the rate is. I also take Fridays when she doesn’t drive and when she’s off from work (legal holidays, sick days etc)
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amother
Sienna
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 4:12 pm
Driving 1x a week still isn't equivalent to 4x. Can you use venmo to send her money weekly or monthly? (Nicer than just handing her cash.)
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shanie5
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 5:07 pm
I think the gas card idea is a good one.
I wouldn't want payment either. It then becomes an obligatin as opposed to a chessed for the driver.
For those saying op should "pay" for 4 days, its 3 days she should pay for. Day 4 is paid in return by her driving day 5.
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amother
Blush
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 5:23 pm
shanie5 wrote: | For those saying op should "pay" for 4 days, its 3 days she should pay for. Day 4 is paid in return by her driving day 5. |
Lol I'm the one who said she should pay 4/5 days. I realized after that I should've said 3 of 5 because of what you said
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amother
Slategray
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 6:16 pm
Have a similar quandary op.
Curious though to poster who mentioned $1000 towards transportation? Is that the moms cheshbon or something related to school/taxes bussing?
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ExtraCredit
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Sun, Nov 08 2020, 6:28 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | No I’m a normal regular understanding person not looking to take advantage of anyone, and therefore asking what the rate is. I also take Fridays when she doesn’t drive and when she’s off from work (legal holidays, sick days etc) |
You actually sound very menchlich and very obviously not looking to take advantage otherwise you wouldn’t open this thread. I vote for a gift card vs. paying in cash because:
1-she clearly said she doesn’t want you to pay her
2-she’ll feel obligated to do it on days that she doesn’t work. If you pay, how will you calculate every holiday or her sick days?
3- you take Friday so she’ll feel like she owes you change for that.
A gift card on Chanukah, Purim and end of year is very appropriate!
Btw I’m the recipient of a similar type of favor (not transportation but something else that “costs nothing” for the giver but is a huge favor for me). I told her in the beginning that I’d feel so much better if I pay but she adamantly refused money. I bought (exchangeable) expensive gifts equaling the amount I felt fair to pay. She wouldn’t even accept a gift card. Too similar to money. A gift a few times a year was most appropriate in my case.
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