When husband wants to ignore it all

amother

Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:01 pm

Advice please.

DH does not wear a mask if he can get away with it. Wants to invite guests for Shabbos. Wants the kids to go to their friend's houses. He doesn't think its a big deal if he is potentially putting others at risk. My community has high numbers. Even if there was lockdown he would ignore the rules as much as he could.

And so on. He is influencing my kids and they beg for guests and to go to peoples houses. They think its a big joke if they get it and give to other people.

In the meantime I am washing my hands, wearing a mask, staying away from others, etc.

Anything else we disagree on we can still have shalom bayis, because its us, not affecting anyone else. But this? I'm not sure what to do. I feel its becoming a strain on our relationship the longer this continues.

ShishKabob

Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:04 pm

Don't let it strain your relationship. It is not worth it!! You can only do what you can do. You can't force him to wear a mask!
I know, easier said than done!
Lots of hatzlocha and Brocha!!

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:06 pm

The numbers are so high everywhere, that every health professional I talk to says it’s only a matter of time. And that the vaccine is now being explained as something that can reduce your symptoms, but you’ll still be able to spread it to others. That is, if it really does work.

I’m with your husband.

amother

Ivory

Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:13 pm

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

And that the vaccine is now being explained as something that can reduce your symptoms, but you’ll still be able to spread it to others.

Even if this is true, the success here will be that the high risk people can get vaccinated so you don’t have to worry as much about spreading it to them.

amother

Crimson

Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:14 pm

If you otherwise have a good relationship, then it might work better to stop trying to persuade him of the merits of your arguments (which I myself agree with) and instead to simply ask him to take on at least some of the precautions as a favor to you.

Not related to corona, but I keep certain household rules to humor my husband, and he does the same for me.

amother

Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:21 pm

OP

I'm not trying to persuade him of anything or change his mind.

But I do not want to have guests. Or send my kids to others. He does. So I don't know what to do. I'm uncomfortable with it and he thinks I'm overreacting.

Frumme

Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:23 pm

I agree with Crimson. You two have to compromise. He can't just ignore your feelings and you can't ignore his. You don't have to agree with each other or try to persuade the other, but you do need to have an honest conversation with each other. As much as I agree with you personally, you can't force DH to wear a mask etc or he will become resentful. Be communicative and respectful as much as possible, even if DH isn't.

amother

Crimson

Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:24 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If you told him "Even if you think I'm overreacting, could you please just give me this one and do it my way? Please!" Any chance that would work?

amother

Periwinkle

Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:24 pm

This is not about masks. It's about any difference of opinion between a couple. Have a discussion and figure out a way to get through it together. Don't make a shalom bayis issue political.

amother

Crimson

Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:52 pm

Also, since he seems indifferent to the medical risks, would it help to bring up the massive inconvenience that would come from your household being infected? Not feeling well for days, or even a few weeks, and unable to have any cleaning help or babysitting during that whole time. Missing work. Kids missing school.

For my husband and I even a relatively mild bout with COVID, with no hospitalizations, would be a logistical nightmare because we both work full-time and our children are all under age 7.

amother

Apricot

Mon, Nov 16 2020, 6:19 pm

I really want to scream at your husband and call him names but I will keep my cool.

You want to hear personal story not that your husband would care anyway.....I have close relationships with a family in my community whose son is in my sons class and occasionally we carpool our sons taking turns. Well looks like the family got hit with covid. They assumed it’s flue and kept sending kids to school without notifying or testing. After couple days kids stopped coming to school. The school called and was told by family that it was confirmed Covid. Now lots of families were exposed carelessly including my family. The mother never cared to txt me and tell me to watch out because she exposed my son to their active virus

What do you think about this situation?