5 year old DS talks nonstop

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 1:59 pm

Ask him to be quiet.
Give him specific times when he is allowed to speak.
Teach him to filter important v unimportant information.
Make him raise his hand and be called on.
Talk to him about the importance of quiet time.

amother

Pewter

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 2:16 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

5 year old DS talks nonstop. Doesn't realize when we are trying to get his attention to pause so that we can talk. Is this a sign of adhd? And what is the right way to deal with it?

Don't rush him. He seems to need the Quality Time love language from you.

Slow down. Listen.

You might have heard of active listening before. It’s something we often confuse with passive, silent listening. Active listening means taking part in the conversation and working on the rapport between the 2 of you. It’s made up of three parts: paraphrasing, inquiry and acknowledgement.

Repeat back what he last said. Ask questions. And then acknowledge what he said.

If he feels heard, if he feels empathy, he will feel full. And not need to go on for as long.

Keep repeating to yourself it's ok to slow down. Ok to be a little late. Nothing will happen. If I am calm, everything will fall into place.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 3:52 pm

Could range from a chatty 5 yo to maybe being on the spectrum slightly.

My ds, who is now in HS, was like this as a 5 yo (which was before he was diagnosed with very mild Level 1 ASD). He still has trouble reading signals when he talks, so it usually takes some kind but firm something said to indicate someone else needs to say something or otherwise finish the conversation. In fact, his talking and talking but in a way not caring about other's choices for topics was part of the indication to the evaluator that he was on the spectrum. Some people don't realize it with him though because he does have a "social smile", etc. and isn't robotic.

Also, this ds just loves sharing all his ideas. That is his primary mode of showing love and bonding, even if it is a little one sided or intense.

amother

Tan

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 4:07 pm

amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:

I would NEVER tell a young chins to be quiet. This poor kid just wants to be HEARD and seems to be triggering his mom.

amother

Lavender

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 4:24 pm

Hear him out. Let him talk. Appreciate every well formulated sound that comes out of his mouth. My son doesnt say a single word. He doesnt talk. Appreciate what you have.

(sorry, that type of mood)

anonymrs

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 4:45 pm

He could just be seeking your attention. What happens if u stop what you're doing when he comes home and you give him 5 to 10 min of undivided attention?
It could also be sensory behavior. Does he appear to have excessive sensory offer in other ways? Have you ever tried popping a piece of gum in his mouth? Or a chewy toy? Does he tend to put things in or near his mouth? Bite his fingernails?

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 5:26 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

I would NEVER tell a young chins to be quiet. This poor kid just wants to be HEARD and seems to be triggering his mom.

Um what? Children don't need to talk constantly. They can be told to be quiet. I mean, it is an important skill for life.

amother

Tan

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 7:43 pm

amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:

Um what? Children don't need to talk constantly. They can be told to be quiet. I mean, it is an important skill for life.

Yes when they’re in a library. Or in shul. Or at a chuppah. Of watching a movie. Or when adults are speaking. Or a million other scenarios. But NOT because the mother finds it annoying.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 8:25 pm

DD and I used to live in a ground floor apartment, and right next to our door was a flight of stairs where drug dealers would hang out. I had a little fenced off area at the front door, which is where DD was supposed to be able to enjoy our container gardens. She was 4yo at the time.

This is what happened when I let her go outside (under my supervision, through the front window).

"Hi, my name is DD. What's your name? I have a garden! I have tomatoes and beets and carrots and peas and green beans and corn. I have a dog, she's a pug, her name is Daisy. Do you have a dog? I like dogs. My favorite color is purple, what's your favorite color? You wear a lot of red, you must like red. (at this point one of the drug dealer's phones ring) Hey, who's on the phone? Who are you talking to? Is it a friend, or your mom? Where are you going? Bye bye!"

She said all of this in one breath, I kid you not.

The same thing happened over the next couple of days. Pretty soon, the drug dealers realized that they should take their business elsewhere, because they will not get a minute's peace.

My nickname for DD, was "The Sonic Pest Repeller". LOL

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 8:25 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

Yes when they’re in a library. Or in shul. Or at a chuppah. Of watching a movie. Or when adults are speaking. Or a million other scenarios. But NOT because the mother finds it annoying.

It's not normal to talk all the time.

Amarante

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 8:35 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

Yes when they’re in a library. Or in shul. Or at a chuppah. Of watching a movie. Or when adults are speaking. Or a million other scenarios. But NOT because the mother finds it annoying.

And even in those situations, many children would not be able to act in an adult way which is why they shouldn't be placed in these kinds of situations before they are developmentally ready.

Libraries have kids areas where childish behavior is appropriate - it is inconsiderate to have a child in an area where adults are working and need silence but that is the fault of the parent if they have a child in a quiet zone for an extended period of time.

Similarly it is unrealistic to expect perfect etiquette for an extended period of time at a restaurant which is why children should not be taken to adult restaurants where normal child behavior is not appropriate.

But in general - in terms of what is posted, I think it sad if someone feels that a five year old should be disciplined for being a chatterbox. Yes it can be annoying when one has had a long day but do you want the child to remember being told to be quiet or do you want the child to remember his/her parents interacting with delight.

amother

Lemon

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 8:49 pm

amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:

It's not normal to talk all the time.

Right I love love love my kids
But sometimes I tell them “I’m so sorry Mommy’s ears feel full right now, let’s continue later”
I think it’s better than feeling like you’re exploding inside. If you can be patient, good for you! But some kids really do talk ALL the time.
I had one of those. (My oldest)
He’s older now and we have so much nachas from him!
I think it taught all my kids that it’s ok to express one’s needs as long as it’s in a respectful way.

dancingqueen

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 8:53 pm

amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:

Oh gosh. 😬

FranticFrummie

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 9:01 pm

BTW, DD is a teenager now, and I LOVE that she wants to talk to me. When we do video calls, she usually wants to tell me every single detail of her life, and I still can't get a word in edgewise.

I absolutely treasure it. There are so many moms out there who would give anything to have their teens want to talk to them.

When she's feeling chatty, her texts look like this:

Mom

Mama

MAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAA

Mother

Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom

Hey, are you alive?

Tongue Out

Mom

Wanna video call? I got stuff to tell U.

amother

Plum

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 9:21 pm

I'm noticing that people are very extreme when it comes to kids. You shouldn't silence your kids yet you don't have to devote every waking moment listening to them. If you will be late you can say I have to run so tell me 2 more things and then we will finish talking later. If you need a break you can say mommy needs a few minutes we will talk again soon. Most of us are not capable of just being there non stop for every single need our kids have because we are human too. It's ok to need breaks and it's ok to do other things in life. As long as you do give him time every day and let him know you love him. And as others mentioned sometimes non stop talking is a sign of something else. So make sure to look out for those signs.