Do you have CPTSD and feel really alone?

amother

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 4:29 pm

I'm 23, I have CPTSD, and I just feel very alone. I have close friends, but no matter how close I get to someone, it feels like there's always just a big block the exists between me and them. No matter how much I've been vulnerable with them, how much I've opened up to them, and how much they've opened up to me, I still feel so distant from them.

There's so much that goes on beneath the surface for me that I feel like every interaction I have with a friend is such a challenge. There's so much I'm not saying, so much I can't say, so much I wonder about what they are saying. It's difficult to describe, I hope another person with CPTSD might understand what I mean by this.

I do wonder if I had another friend who had a similarly traumatic upbringing, that it might be easier to connect and it might be less anxiety-inducing? If you have CPTSD, do you find it is easier to be friends with (and be genuinely yourself with) other women who have CPTSD? Would love to know about your experiences. Heart

amother

Navy

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 4:38 pm

I don't have CPTSD but a close friend of mine does. I have been through lots of trauma, abusive and neglectful upbringing, pretty much everything that should give me some type of PTSD.

I do struggle a lot but I don't fit the criteria of PTSD or CPTSD.

I do find it hard to relate to normal folk but once I get close to someone we usually work it out. I did get married within the past year and connected to my sister in laws has been really difficult. I feel like they can't get to know me without knowing the hell I've been through. If that makes sense.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 5:20 pm

Yes. Ive felt alone and different for most of my life and it's very hard for me to make friends. When I do it is with alot of anxiety and somehow it doesn't feel real even when it really is a normal relationship. I struggle daily with self esteem, shame, sadness, anxiety, noise triggers, and a general feeling of being unsafe/ fears, and nightmares. I look and operate normally to other people but it's very difficult inside my brain. Sometimes I just want it to be quiet or to try to erase some memories. Do you relate?
Looking for a good therapist in Brooklyn if you know one.

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 6:49 pm

I don't really have close friends. I just accept that I'm broken and I try to make the best of it. I don't trust anyone and I feel like no one relates to me and I can't really relate to anyone. It's a very lonely way to live. At times it was really depressing. Now I spend my time with my kids, I love being a mother and I don't have an issue connecting with them.

NotLazySusan

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 6:58 pm

I know what you mean - I have CPTSD. Are you seeing a therapist? Can they recommend a support group? Also, like someone else mentioned, there’s a group here: Growing up with severe parental abuse

thunderstorm

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 7:10 pm

Yes, I know what you mean. As I began my healing and became more in touch with the self that I lost , I found that I attracted people that were more understanding into my life. Interestingly enough the few new people I became friends with and feel a real connection with all have CPTSD (but we did not know that about each other before and it took a while for us to feel safe and open up. But we all “get” each other. )
For me, Lisa A Romano on you tube helped me a lot with my healing and getting my sense of self and worth back and I also found that the 12 Step CoDA program gave me group support , where we were all on the same healing journey and were able to relate to each other a lot. I did it online, but it’s best and most effective to go to meetings in person and get a sponsor.