Child having their own room

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amother

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:27 am

My 9 year old daughter is begging me for her own room. We have 3 bedrooms upstairs, and another two in the basement. I don't want my kids sleeping in the basement at this point ( maybe when older I'd be more comfortable with it).
Anyway, I can't just make another bedroom appear, so she won't be getting her own room anytime soon.

I would like to know though, is it preferable for a child to have their own room? What has your experience been like? She is very organized and she is getting frustrated by her sisters that keep messing up the room. I kind of feel bad that I can't fulfill this request of hers, but know deep down that millions of children all over the world have always shared rooms with siblings so it's really not the end of the world...

amother

Bronze

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:29 am

Could you give her one of the rooms in the basement to be her space but she keeps sleeping upstairs with her sisters?

behappy2

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:29 am

Is SHE comfortable sleeping downstairs? If yes maybe try to get yourself comfortable with it.

amother

Mustard

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:31 am

Before we even start discussing the basement, does it have an egress window or other exit?
If not, please take it off the table.

Beingreal

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:46 am

I would love to have each of my kids have their own room but my dh wants it to be a learning experience rooming together.

Elfrida

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:55 am

I never got on well with my sisiter, and it made life hard for all of us when I had to share with her. We were all a lot happier when 'the baby' moved in with her and I took over the baby's tiny room. I had les space, but it was so much easier for me to have my own place. My sisters got on much better together than I had.

The only thing I learnt from sharing a room with my sister was that I didn't want to share with her! Everyoone has to adapt when marrying anyway. I don't know how much a history of a shared room helps.

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 10:15 am

I asked someone about this when my daughter was trying to tell me "everyone" has their own room.
After speaking it out with this "expert" we concluded she doesn't really need her own room. She can get private space at times away from people, but she's still sharing her room and it also helps not set a precedent for everyone to think they can get their own room too.

Blessing1

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 10:29 am

While I don't think kids having their own room is a must, I do think it's very important for kids to have their own space and I wouldn't put more than 2 kids per room. It's very hard to share a room with a messy sibling. Maybe you can get a room divider so she has her own space. I wouldn't be comfortable with a 9 year old sleeping alone in the basement.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 10:36 am

Elfrida wrote:

I was much happier sharing a room with the baby sister. The one closer to me in age got her own room - in the basement. But she was in her teens at the time. I hated when guests took over her room, because she left dirty clothes - and once or twice, a used pad - on my floor, and refused to pick up when I asked her to.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 10:42 am

No, a child does not need their own room, at least not unless there are some sort of special needs or issues. But a room sharing arrangement has to meet the child's needs.

I think that most siblings can make a room share work if the parents provide structure, boundaries, and use the available space wisely. But I also think that some sibling pairs will just not work.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 11:08 am

I never got my own room. We had no spare bedrooms. There was a girls room and a boys room and that's it. No basement.
My sister and I fought terribly and never got along. We still don't get along to this day even though we haven't shared a room in 20 years.

amother

Pearl

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 11:25 am

I had 4 girls in one room for 4 months at one point, and my oldest at 10 moved herself into the basement. Its not unusual.

I feel its good to give them space now if they need it. When they get married, it will be years before they have private space at home. Im speaking as someone who needs privacy, and that dd is similar.

Also, it gets very complicated as everyone matures.

twizzlers1

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 11:41 am

Beingreal wrote:

I would love to have each of my kids have their own room but my dh wants it to be a learning experience rooming together.

I hear that could be a good idea but it really doesn't work for everybody. My kids each have their own room and I really feel like they need their own space. They are all so different. obviously if you don't have the space it's another story but to force them to be together to learn something I really don't understand.

Beingreal

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 12:19 pm

My sister and I had separate rooms and it was the best thing ever because we are best friends.

amother

Blue

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 5:07 pm

I second the thing about the egress route if a kid sleeps in the basement.

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