Dancing with the Kallah

amother

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:00 am

What do you do when you dance with the Kallah at her wedding?

I always feel so awkward, so wonder what other women who do this gracefully do.

Do you look at her, or look somewhere else?
Do you say anything to her while you dance with her or are you quiet?
If no one interrupts you, do you stop by yourself?

Sorry this may seem silly, but would be very helpful if you tell me.

TIA!

amother

Lawngreen

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:03 am

I have the same problem
And by me it's more the mother of the kallah at this point in life
Unless I'm super close I hate every minute of dancing.

SuperWify

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:06 am

Yes it’s awkward. “You look beautiful, Mazel tov.”Now what? Should I ask her where she’s living? She probably doesn’t want to talk small talk now.... ok, can I stop dancing? How does this end??

And in general I’m a very social person and I always know what to say but in this situation I honestly feel so awkward.

blueberry6

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:11 am

Lol me too! And I felt the same awkward at my own wedding LOL

But I find that a lot of it tends to just happen in the moment - you don't really have time to think about it. It's probably a little hard to talk over the music, and she'll probably stop you herself if you don't stop or if no one else cuts in; if not, I'd say stop after a minute or so. It's not really such an exact science. Honestly, most of these so-called "graceful" people that you see are feeling the exact same way as you deep down lol - I've learned this from experience!
Happy dancing!

silverlining3

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:12 am

I usually say Mazel tov, you look beautiful. And then go on to ask where gown and headpiece are from. If no-one takes over, I wink to someone in the circle to over. And if there's no-one to wink to, I stay quiet and smile until someone has mercy haha.

I try to dance with kalla early on, so there's a much greater chance of someone snatching her away within 2 minutes into dancing with her.

icedcoffee

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:24 am

Haha I thought I was the only one who struggles with this! I always try to make small talk ("this is so beautiful! You look amazing! What a great wedding!") but she usually just smiles politely and I have no idea if she even hears/understands me. And then how do you know it's time for the next person? I wish I remembered how I felt dancing at my own wedding, but I'm blanking on it. I guess in the moment, as a kallah, your your mind is in a million places.

My husband's family is extremely pushy, like his grandma will literally grab my arm and push me into the kallah's inner circle multiple times, so I really put my foot down. Once I do the obligatory few minutes, don't ask me to do it AGAIN!

amother

Gold

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:32 am

Yeah it is awkward lol especially when you have to push yourself in there and weren’t “picked out” by the kallah. I usually say by the way I can’t dance I have no idea what I’m doing and we laugh lol. Then when I feel done I motion someone else to come over if no one already is edging their way in lol.

avrahamama

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:44 am

If you can even manage to say anything over the music, you give her brachot! You wish her a lifetime of shalom bayit and health and a closeness to HKBH! You bless her to always feel proud as a wife and a builder of a Jewish home. And then you pull someone else in and go your merry way!

heidi

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:50 am

I dance for less than a minute, then hug her and wish her Mazal Tov (pre corona of course). This usually signals to the next person to come on down

amother

Pink

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:58 am

I find getting a chance to dance more awkward. The same with trying to find someone to say goodbye to before leaving a big simchah. I was raised to thank the host and say goodbye before leaving, but they're often so busy talking or dancing that it's hard to get a moment without feeling intrusive.

amother

Cyan

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 12:08 pm

I could’ve written the same post! I run to the bathroom during the dancing to avoid having to dance with the Kallah or the kalah’s/chosson’s mother. I just don’t know what to do/say, or when to stop dancing... everyone else seems to be having a blast...

amother

Azure

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 12:58 pm

I hhhhhhaaaaattttteeee dancing with the kallah or anyone in the middle.

I only do it when I'm very very close (like related), not just for any wedding I'm invited to. I dance around in the circle, sure, but not the middle. That's too much for me.

PeanutMama

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 1:30 pm

For me it’s awkward.

I go to the kallah
Hold her hands

Smile and say Mazal tov it is a beautiful wedding!

Usually she smiles back and says “thank you so much for coming you look so good!!”

It doesn’t help that I don’t know how to DANCE. haha. You know, that dance where the women alternately lifts up the hands while moving side to side? Idk more common in chasidish weddings for some reason. Idk the moves!!

I still cringe at my wedding videos lol. I’m a bad dancer.
Like I dance so stiffly xD
I tell the kallah after a few moments

“I feel so bad I don’t know how to dance!”

Usually she giggles or says “oh it doesn’t matter” lol.

One super awkward thing that did happen at one wedding was that I told the kallah “I hope you have a wonderful night!”

I’m blushing now 🙈🙈🙈😬😬☠️😑

watergirl

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 1:33 pm

Hold her hands, look at her in the eyes and smile. Tell her she is beautiful, the chuppah was beautiful, wish her mazel tov. Do the hand holding arms side to side dancie thing for 4 seconds, hug her, and hand her off to someone else.

Adela

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 2:04 pm

Not the OP but on the same note, What does everyone whisper to the kallah or any bal Simcha? Everyone whispers so importantly.... and I have nothing to say. 😲 🤷‍♀️
Doubt she wants to hear again & again, your dress, makeup bla, bla, bla is beautiful just for convo.
OP I can start a spinoff if this derails your thread.

amother

Ecru

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 3:55 pm

Why do imas love to make a Federal case out of everything? Rolling Eyes

You're not there to dazzle the kallah with your sparkling repartee or inspire her with your words of wisdom--which the music would drown out anyway. You smile, you hold her hands, you spin around, if you can still breathe you mouth "Mazal Tov you look gorgeous" and you bow out and let her pull someone else into the circle.