Have you ever judged someone or been judged...

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 2:39 pm

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

Yes, one of my children has a rare name -from Tanach! That is also not a name that is widely used in the secular world.
Comments came from everywhere. Non-Jews: surprise, wonder how to spell it, confusion (the name sounds Muslim).

Relatives: enraged, weird name and named after a wrong relative.

Frum Jews: sounds "sephardi"...

The only people who rejoiced where those who loved the name themselves.

My child has an extremely typical name - named after a grandfather. I chose a bit of a unique nickname, nothing crazy at all. My in laws made a huge deal over it. Refused to call him that. They were convinced he’d drop it as soon as he was old enough. Jokes on them, he’s so thrilled not to be one of at least 4 who share the name in his class, and loves that he can hold on to that individualism.

amother

cornflower

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 3:43 pm

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

I try not to judge people for their names, which were usually imposed on them by their parents, but I do judge the parents! I react badly to snooty, affected-sounding or "creatively" spelled names like Jewel, Crystal, Krystle and Karynne, unless I know that Karynne was named for her grandparents Karl and Lynne. Otherwise, creative spellings are the equivalent of dressing in fluorescent safety-vest- orange satin: a shameless bid for attention, shouting "Hey! Look at me! I'm special! I'm no plain vanilla, I'm Vainkneegleeyeah." Accent on the "vain".

I agree. It's more about the parent's wanting affirmation of their "coolness" and originality. I don't judge the parent but it makes me roll my eyes a bit.

I read an interesting quote once by the daughter of Maud Hart Lovelace, that really resonated with me. When explaining why her parents chose her name (Merien), she said her father wanted to name her Diana (like the goddess). Her mother thought a name like Diana Lovelace was a bit much--everyone would expect a girl with that name to be girly and beautiful "and what if she's not pretty?" She didn't want their daughter to bear the heavy expectations of a name like that.
So they compromised on the name though she said her mother always told her, "of course you are pretty."

amother

Mustard

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 3:51 pm

My name is Yachet. Non Chassidish people have made comments.
Todros is the name of the Yavozhna Rov in Williamsburg. He is actually Meyer Todros or Todros Meyer but goes by Todros.
My children have English names on their birth certificates, but very dated since it is after a relative so I have a son Herman and another Bernard for example. I've had a nasty nurse made a comment.

Rappel

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 4:01 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

Is this case in all Israeli circles ?
Like... if I lived in an Anglo haredi community like Ramat Beit Shemesh or Har nof , a name like Leiba would be embarrassing?

Obviously in Israeli yiddish speaking communities they use yiddish names

I have a friend, DL Torani, named Liba. She grew up secular.

So I disagree with the previous poster whom says it could be embarrassing. Yiddish goes forth happily.

Last edited by Rappel on Thu, Dec 03 2020, 8:26 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Blue

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 4:33 pm

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

I have exact same situation, very typical name but we chose a non typical nickname. I cant tell you how many people insisted on calling him by the typical nickname of his name, as a baby. It was really upsetting. I even had ppl giving me looks and comments when I told them his name, one person even told my older kid that she will only call him by the usual nickname. Like cheek! Anyway he is older now, and every year we give him the option of changing to the other nickname (not really the type to go by full name in our circles) but he won't hear of it. He actually does have 5! other boys in his class with that name, and hes so happy to have his own name!
Saying that, ppl asking me why we chose that particular nickname doesn't bother me at all, and I dont need everyone to like it either. I know its unusual, and we gave it with an open mind and have been telling my son since he is very young that if he ever wants to change his name it's no problem with us. It's the people that insist on calling him the wrong name that aggravate me, and my son.

amother

Navy

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 4:48 pm

What I dont understand is why anyone else's name would bother other people.

Does it not show more about the person judging than the person being judged?

It literally doesn't affect the judgers life in any way.

If you think kids will be bullied for their name, please teach your kids that is not acceptable behaviour.

Most people don't choose their own name and it may seem "out there" to you, but maybe the parents had a deeper meaning to the name (that they may or may not wish to share), rather than "trying to be cool".

amother

cornflower

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 5:28 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

Sure, in an ideal world.
But in reality, people get judged all the time for superficial things, including their names, appearance, hair style, home, family background, family size, level of religiosity, and more.
And people try all kinds of ways to get attention. Not just with their kids names. Plenty of them are eyeroll worthy.

amother

Navy

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 5:53 pm

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

So what does the judger rolling their eyes and imagining people are looking for attention, gain?

Superiority?

How does judging any of that stuff affect the judgers life in any way?