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Can kids fully recover from bad situations



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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Dec 03 2020, 7:36 pm
If your child was in a bad school situation where they broke their spirit and they have low self esteem due to it.... did they recover fully once they were in a better situation? We are finally in a new school but unfortunately it took a while to change and it was 3 years of preschool that I'm afraid it might have had lasting impacts. The child was very carefree and happy go lucky and is really a shadow of what they used to be. We are working on it daily but I would love to hear that some kids have actually gotten back to themselves.
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ExtraCredit




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 03 2020, 7:46 pm
This breaks my heart! Crying

I hope you have professional help and guidance for this.
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Thu, Dec 03 2020, 8:11 pm
I know children who were severely traumatized but are doing amazing. they went to therapy but ultimately Hashem just healed them. the therapy was just hishtadlus by the parents.
Ignore the literature and statistics, do your hishtadlus whether it's therapy or learning play therapy/floor time or other techniques and know that Hashem can heal your child.
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amother
Peach


 

Post Thu, Dec 03 2020, 10:12 pm
my son had a really hard time in grade school and switch schools a few times and was bullied by kids and teachers.To say that it was really really bad is an understatement.He went on to a great high school and made lifelong friends well maybe I shouldn't say that but he's in his twenties but he's been friends with them for over 10 years. He finished the army and has a good job right now. He is dating someone and genuinely seems confident and happy. He gives me hope for the rest of my kids that are all along their journey.
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Thu, Dec 03 2020, 10:14 pm
yeah kids are resilent and don't know words like trauma and affected so they heal better than adults.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Dec 03 2020, 11:11 pm
amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:
yeah kids are resilent and don't know words like trauma and affected so they heal better than adults.


What does this even mean? Who cares about words. Kids and adults are affected by actual events not by the words people use to describe it. This just comes across as really insensitive to people that suffer.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Thu, Dec 03 2020, 11:27 pm
I was bullied in preschool and yes it ruined me. Take care of it pls. Bring her to therapy.
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heidi




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 12:06 am
amother [ Peach ] wrote:
my son had a really hard time in grade school and switch schools a few times and was bullied by kids and teachers.To say that it was really really bad is an understatement.He went on to a great high school and made lifelong friends well maybe I shouldn't say that but he's in his twenties but he's been friends with them for over 10 years. He finished the army and has a good job right now. He is dating someone and genuinely seems confident and happy. He gives me hope for the rest of my kids that are all along their journey.

I could have written this word for word except for the last sentence.
My wonderful, funny, brilliant' good looking, sweet as sugar son ( I know, I'm his mother but all of these things have been said to me by friends and acquaintances) who was shown nothing but love in our home and family for his entire life is so traumatized by his pre and elemtary school years that he has zero self confidence and seems to sabotage any dating relationships-or not be willing to try in the first place.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 12:16 am
I think that "recover" is a confusing word here. "Recovery" isn't a goal, it's a lifelong process.

Whatever you experience in life changes you forever - for good or bad. Until Moshiach comes, there will always be good and bad. You don't just "get over" things that are traumatic. They stay with you in one form or another.

What will make a difference, is the help and support you get for your child. If you brush your child off, they will have their spirits crushed. If you support them, with G-d's help, they will become strong and resilient - BUT, they will still feel sad when they look back at those times.

With guidance, you can help give your child the tools they need to make the best of the experiences that Hashem has decided that the child should go through in this life.

As a parent, it can be helpful if YOU get some guidance and support, too. Nothing traumatizes a mother's heart like seeing her child's pain, so you need to validate and honor your own feelings as well.

May we only know simchas and nachas, and may Moshiach come SOON and in our days, to wipe away all of our tears.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 12:18 am
BTW, DD was terribly traumatized by her school experiences, in several grades. To the point where she was skipping school entirely, and had started self harming.

You may find this post helpful. https://www.imamother.com/foru.....99926
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amother
Brown


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 12:58 am
YES
good for you for getting your child into a new school
BTDT
hugs and hatzlocha
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 1:01 am
Therapy can help, but only if the child wants it. If the child hates it, it will only increase feelings of helplessness.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 1:19 am
As a child who suffered from a different trauma, so I don't know if it helps, is besides for therapy make it very clear to your child that not only do you love him you are willing to talk about his trauma and his issues.
Sometimes as parents we are so eager to move on and heal that we encourage our kids (unknowingly) to pretend that they have also moved on and healed because they want to make their parents happy.
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amother
Peach


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 3:02 am
heidi wrote:
I could have written this word for word except for the last sentence.
My wonderful, funny, brilliant' good looking, sweet as sugar son ( I know, I'm his mother but all of these things have been said to me by friends and acquaintances) who was shown nothing but love in our home and family for his entire life is so traumatized by his pre and elemtary school years that he has zero self confidence and seems to sabotage any dating relationships-or not be willing to try in the first place.


I'm so sorry to hear child is still suffering so much. I didn't add that we paid a lot of money for therapy for a very long time so it was not an easy fix. But I'm sure it's still effecting till this day. I hope that your child can be happy one day and have confidence. Hug
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