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Does your husband help out?
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 3:20 am
If your infant is a colicky baby or crys a few hours in a row in the night does your husband wake up to help you, do you take turns holding baby or does your husband wake up just from hearing crying ?

I have a infant and I'm busy all day long holding my baby and at night is not any better . He's screaming all night and my husband doesn't move from his sleep. I feel so upset that I dont have anyone to help me out during night hours . I dont mind to take care of him if its 2 even 3 hours but more than that I would need another hand . Do husbands help out with this or is it just meant for moms to stay up all night ??? I feel it's a deal. both made this baby happen (bh for thjs) shouldn't taking care of the baby be shared especially if the baby is up crying long enough making mom cry along???
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amother
Linen


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 3:34 am
Definitely.
Discuss with your husband how you feel, and reach a compromise. Our current deal is "I take care of the baby by day, you take care of the baby at night" but previously we just took turns, you do one feeding he does one feeding. Or from 10-2 is wife turn to sleep, 2-6 is husband turn to sleep. Find something that works for both of you.
Mazel tov!
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 3:37 am
Depends on what you both do during the day. If one of you has the chance to nap during the day, that's the parent who should get up during the night. If neither of you has that luxury, then you take turns.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 6:50 am
My hub def helps. Only I don’t consider it helping. He’s caring for his child. And what you’re describing sounds horrendous with baby crying nonstop you def. need to speak to husbands and have him step it up
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 6:55 am
Haha nope. Never did, never will.

Op check for reflux and food sensitivities. Make sure baby is burped and swaddled.
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amother
Blush


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 6:59 am
My husband says his babies never cry and to not speak LH about them. He either sleeps and doesn't hear or if a baby is very kvtechy he will tell me the neighbors baby is crying or will use a funny name like Tanchum and say Tanchum needs a mother so then I'll go to the baby and take care. Once kids are older like 1.5 or 2 if they cry at night it means something so yes he can go and check out what's going on if he is already awake.
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 7:16 am
What worked for us was from 8-10:30 baby was all his. I went to bed. He generally just held her and rocked her while he learned so they were both happy. At 10:30 I fed her and she took her stretch of sleep (with a feeding in the middle that I had to do anyway), and then at 4 she was my problem to deal with. This way we both got a normalish amount of sleep.
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 7:21 am
My husband works very hard and sleeps an average of six hours a night sometimes much less so I don’t wake him. I’m a Sahm. I ended up waking him twice when I was so tired my legs were shaking and I was stumbling and felt that I will collapse like a drunk while holding my baby. I told him to wake me in an hour which he did. Everything else is split much more equally and he is very helpful when my babies are newborns but night times usually are on me.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 7:24 am
Depends on your set up. If you are a SAHM and DH works full time then yes it makes sense to give DH more sleep so he can bring income.
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amother
Copper


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 8:39 am
Since baby number 3, whenever I feel I just can't anymore, I wake hub to take charge a bit. Oftentimes it was only a half hour until I woke again from baby's cry. And other times it was just closing my eyes for 7 minutes. It helped so much so that I wouldn't collapse. I'm human too.

I'm a SAHM with a full time working husband.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 8:49 am
amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:
My hub def helps. Only I don’t consider it helping. He’s caring for his child. And what you’re describing sounds horrendous with baby crying nonstop you def. need to speak to husbands and have him step it up

So much this.

Although I agree, it really also depends on each couple and their situation. If I was home all day and my husband was at work, then I presume I would try to let him sleep. BUT - if I was someone who could not manage, then yes I would ask for help. I had one baby who would SCREAM and no person can deal with that for long periods of time and keep their cool. Once I started to lose it, yes, I would wake him up (this was my ex, and he was not happy about it).
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 8:58 am
yes when I just couldn't anymore I would wake him.

Why dont you talk to him about it? Men to need be told what they could do to help and figure out a plan together.

I find I just aggravate myself by resisting asking for help from dh when all I have to do is ask him to help to help out and he is happy to do so.
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Lotti




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 12:23 pm
I work full time. My husband never helped me with babies in middle of the night. Unless I was beyond exhausted and I woke him to help me out that one time. Otherwise it was just me.
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Lotti




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 12:24 pm
I work full time. My husband never helped me with babies in middle of the night. Unless I was beyond exhausted and I woke him to help me out that one time. Otherwise it was just me.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 12:33 pm
With the first two babies he helped.

With the rest he took care of the older babies. I have them all close in age and there's always another baby that still wakes at night...
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 12:37 pm
He doesn’t. Do I wish it was different ? Yes. Next time I plan to get more hired help. It’s brutal! now that our child is a toddler and mostly sleeps the night when she does wake up at night he is in charge Most of the time. Hugs! It’s so hard!
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 12:52 pm
Dh doesn’t. I thankfully have strong nerves and don’t need much sleep. Dh on the other hand does. So we do what works for us. If it bothers you make it work for you. Have him hold the baby at certain times as a compromise.
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 2:21 pm
It’s not even about other people. It’s about what you need. If you need his help (and I am someone who definitely needs help!) then I hope that you will communicate that with him and I hope he will be receptive.
You can come up in advance with a few different scenarios that work for you too and see which one appeals to him.
If not - maybe you can hire someone once a week to hold the baby overnight - so you can look foraged to one night of normal sleep a week.
I don’t function well without sleep - hugs!
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 2:57 pm
LovesHashem wrote:
Depends on your set up. If you are a SAHM and DH works full time then yes it makes sense to give DH more sleep so he can bring income.


Do SAHMs not need to sleep? This one definitely does!
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 3:25 pm
tichellady wrote:
Do SAHMs not need to sleep? This one definitely does!


SAHMs can nap during the day when the baby does.
Working moms and dads generally cannot.
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