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Does your husband help out?
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 3:26 pm
amother [ Lavender ] wrote:
SAHMs can nap during the day when the baby does.
Working moms and dads generally cannot.


Only if there are no other kids home at the same time.
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Frumme




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 4:13 pm
amother [ Blush ] wrote:
My husband says his babies never cry and to not speak LH about them. He either sleeps and doesn't hear or if a baby is very kvtechy he will tell me the neighbors baby is crying or will use a funny name like Tanchum and say Tanchum needs a mother so then I'll go to the baby and take care. Once kids are older like 1.5 or 2 if they cry at night it means something so yes he can go and check out what's going on if he is already awake.


?! What did I just read? It's lashon hara to say that a baby is crying?!

Amother Blush, this is totally inappropriate behavior on his part. It sounds like he treats you like a child and lives on another planet!

Part of me wants you to say the next time your baby starts crying that "Tanchum needs his Tatty" and see how he likes it Rolling Eyes (but it's not the nicest thing. Fun to imagine though...) Any chance you can speak to a rav to knock some sense into him?
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 04 2020, 6:56 pm
amother [ Lavender ] wrote:
SAHMs can nap during the day when the baby does.
Working moms and dads generally cannot.


Some babies don’t nap during the day for more than 20 minutes or they do only when being held or the mother needs to take care of her other children during the day. I think people who say that moms should nap when the baby naps have very different babies than the ones in my family
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 05 2020, 10:36 am
tichellady wrote:
Do SAHMs not need to sleep? This one definitely does!


They do! Of course! But I'm saying if DH was working full time and bringing in the income I would try to let him sleep more. I can always nap when the baby naps and other kids are in school while he is at work.

Obviously we all need help sometimes, if a baby is up all night and is sick many nights in a row or if I was just fed up I would definitely expect DH to help. If I asked her would 100 percent help. I'm just saying I would try to let him sleep more since he doesn't have the ability to nap later on.
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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Sat, Dec 05 2020, 3:37 pm
No, my baby never slept properly during the day at the beginning.

And I was a SAHM but not getting my nights, and also not my days.
it was very hard. I had to send him out in the mornings, just to go back to sleep!!
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amother
White


 

Post Sat, Dec 05 2020, 3:49 pm
In order to be a safe caregiver you need at least four consecutive hours of sleep a day.

If you are waking up for the baby every two hours as is normal for a newborn, taking a nap during the day isn’t enough. You will become dangerously sleep deprived. Taking care of a baby in an extremely sleep deprived state is like taking care of a baby while drunk.

A good way to handle nights is to take shifts and agree on them ahead of time. Have DH be responsible for the baby from 8-12 midnight. You sleep undisturbed during this time. He can go to bed at midnight and then you take your “shift” meaning continue sleeping but wake up to feed. Then you have your four consecutive hours taken care of. Adjust timing to your schedule.

It doesn’t matter if DH is the only one making parnassa. Taking care of a baby is hard work and the consequences of doing it while dangerously sleep deprived can be high.
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amother
Green


 

Post Sat, Dec 05 2020, 6:39 pm
amother [ White ] wrote:
In order to be a safe caregiver you need at least four consecutive hours of sleep a day.

If you are waking up for the baby every two hours as is normal for a newborn, taking a nap during the day isn’t enough. You will become dangerously sleep deprived. Taking care of a baby in an extremely sleep deprived state is like taking care of a baby while drunk.

A good way to handle nights is to take shifts and agree on them ahead of time. Have DH be responsible for the baby from 8-12 midnight. You sleep undisturbed during this time. He can go to bed at midnight and then you take your “shift” meaning continue sleeping but wake up to feed. Then you have your four consecutive hours taken care of. Adjust timing to your schedule.

It doesn’t matter if DH is the only one making parnassa. Taking care of a baby is hard work and the consequences of doing it while dangerously sleep deprived can be high.


If you’re nursing a newborn how could your husband could take over for 4 hours?
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Sat, Dec 05 2020, 6:59 pm
DD is two months old and I nurse but pump enough for one bottle at tonight so I can sleep through and trade off with DH
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amother
Blush


 

Post Sat, Dec 05 2020, 7:05 pm
Frumme wrote:
?! What did I just read? It's lashon hara to say that a baby is crying?!

Amother Blush, this is totally inappropriate behavior on his part. It sounds like he treats you like a child and lives on another planet!

Part of me wants you to say the next time your baby starts crying that "Tanchum needs his Tatty" and see how he likes it Rolling Eyes (but it's not the nicest thing. Fun to imagine though...) Any chance you can speak to a rav to knock some sense into him?


Woa! He means it as a joke. Like our babies are so well behaved saying they cry is a mistake it must be another baby. Don't know why I got all the hugs.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 05 2020, 7:15 pm
amother [ White ] wrote:
In order to be a safe caregiver you need at least four consecutive hours of sleep a day.

If you are waking up for the baby every two hours as is normal for a newborn, taking a nap during the day isn’t enough. You will become dangerously sleep deprived. Taking care of a baby in an extremely sleep deprived state is like taking care of a baby while drunk.

A good way to handle nights is to take shifts and agree on them ahead of time. Have DH be responsible for the baby from 8-12 midnight. You sleep undisturbed during this time. He can go to bed at midnight and then you take your “shift” meaning continue sleeping but wake up to feed. Then you have your four consecutive hours taken care of. Adjust timing to your schedule.

It doesn’t matter if DH is the only one making parnassa. Taking care of a baby is hard work and the consequences of doing it while dangerously sleep deprived can be high.


Source?
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Sat, Dec 05 2020, 8:48 pm
No, my dh doesn't "help out." My dh pulls his weight and does his part. "Helping out" implies that it's my job and he's doing me a favor. That's not how it works in this household. We are partners, we each have a job to do and we do it. "Helping out" is when I have trouble opening a jar and ask dh to lend a hand.
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Sat, Dec 05 2020, 9:01 pm
Everyone has to do what works for them. I dont understand how these threads are ever helpful.
My DH has never woken up for a baby in middle of the night. There? Does that make you feel better?

(I'm not complaining. We have a system that works for us beautifully bh)
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Sat, Dec 05 2020, 9:16 pm
Dh never woke up to take care of a newborn, but it works for us - everyone needs to do what works for them.

For the first 6 weeks since dh always works long hours and I'm home, it makes sense that I'm the one up- I try to nap as much as the baby will allow when my older kids are in school/playgroup.

After I go back to work (I work part time hours 9-2/3), when I'm desperate I do fall asleep later in the afternoon when my kids are home and the baby sleeping (I'll turn on a video and rest nearby - I normally don't allow videos but will allow during this time) dh doesn't have the option to do that. Also and this is what really makes it work - dh helps a ton. So if I'm really tired and fall asleep a few nights a week at 8:30, I know I'll wake up to a clean house the next day. Honestly I rather taking care of the baby then cleaning and he rather the opposite so it works for us.
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Sat, Dec 05 2020, 9:17 pm
Dh takes the baby in the morning so I can sleep in.
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