4.5 year old cleaning up toys

behappy2

Sat, Dec 05 2020, 6:39 pm

What do you think is normal expectation of a 4.5 year old in regards to cleaning up her toys when done?

Doing it with her or her doing it alone?

How many minutes of cleaning up a day or how many toys a day?

Toys she typically plays with are dolls (which include doll clothing, doll accessories, carriages etc..) crafts, puzzles, doll house with lots of accessories.

amother

Vermilion

Sat, Dec 05 2020, 7:34 pm

Expecting a 4.5 year old to clean up toys regularly is reasonable, if the parents set her up for success. There are probably many different ways to do this, but I'll just share some observations from our experience.

1. Toys should have designated places that are easy to reach.

2. The mess should not be allowed to get too out of hand in between cleanups. It is overwhelming for a child to be told to clean up after the room is strewn with puzzle pieces, legos, random bits of paper, markers, dolls, stuffed animals, and who knows what.

3. Routine and structure help. Our kids know that they are expected to pick up their toys before dinner on weekdays. It's a regular thing. Also, if they have been playing upstairs and they want to go play in the basement or outside, they know they will be asked to pick up the upstairs mess before they're allowed to go on to the next thing. I've seen people suggest that children be required to put away one toy before they play with another, but that hasn't worked for us since we have multiple kids and they sometimes like to combine multiple toys for pretend play or to build something.

4. I don't think the parent needs to assist by cleaning up necessarily, but the parent needs to be prepared to offer direction and re-direct the child if necessary. If the parent has let the mess get way out of hand, then the parent will need to assist. It's not reasonable to tell a 4.5 year old to clean up, walk away for 30 minutes, and expect everything to look sparkling upon return.

5. Because we have a child with ADHD, we also have a "token economy" where the kids get tokens for certain daily routine tasks, such as getting dressed promptly in the morning, cleaning up, and other things. They can then redeem tokens for little prizes (videos) or bigger prizes that cost a lot more tokens (LEGOs). But I don't think that a token economy is necessary. It just happens to help us.

amother

Black

Sat, Dec 05 2020, 7:40 pm

If I'm right there I try to remind right after each toy so that it's easy and doesn't add up to a huge mess. One toy at a time they can do with minimal prompts. Once it's a huge mess they need more guidance, I'll either make it a game, pick up all the blue pieces etc.. or break it down into tasks. Put the dolls in the bin, collect the duplo pieces...

amother

Cyan

Sat, Dec 05 2020, 9:29 pm

What works for us is certain big and favorite toys are allowed to hang out on the floor (a few dolls and a stroller, her blanket, a ball or two, etc. These get cleaned up before Shabbos with help so we can vaccum, but otherwise she just plays with them whenever she wants.

But sets of toys (Legos, magna tiles, books, etc) we take out the box, play, and put them back in the box. I generally have to put the box back on the shelf though- she finds it hard.

Rappel

Sat, Dec 05 2020, 9:58 pm

behappy2 wrote:

Thank you both. She resists cleanup so wanted to make sure I was being reasonable. All the advice was helpful.

1. If you clean with her, then it's suddenly a cool game.
2. "Alright, it's time to have your favorite food/favorite craft/favorite bonding activity! We just need to put away these toys first.'
3. Specific praise is VERY motivating. My favorite tool is mitzvah notes, but if you say anything positive ("nice job picking up that puzzle piece! Ooh, you're doing such a thorough job"), it's batteries for the energizer bunny.