I cannot parent my 6 yo!!! Driving me crazy and I'm losing I

shevi82

Wed, Dec 09 2020, 7:16 am

My 6 year old very similar. I finally realized , he wants my FULL attention when he comes home and is bored.
So for the last few weeks for the first full 30 minutes when he comes home I am with him, I hug him, I sit with him while he has his snack , talk to him. No phones , try not to be busy with anyone else. For a a full 30 minutes.
Then we have a plan, if it is nice we can go ride his bike, or I give him an arts and crafts to do , or challah dough. Usually the rest of the afternoon goes really well after the first 30 minutes.
Hatzlacha! and just give him a lot of love.

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Dec 09 2020, 9:07 am

I had same with my son.y husband and I were at a point where sometimes we had to hold him down. He would hurt others and laugh, scream, bed time and showers were insane. His nights were restless , lots of other things till he was diagnosed with pandas

amother

Brunette

Wed, Dec 09 2020, 9:08 am

My son was like this too.
Step A: as soon as he walks in, take care of his physical needs: bathroom, food, drink
Then his: emotional needs- give him full attention. Hugs, praise, compliments. Help with homework.
And more physical needs: pogo jumper, trampoline, climbing structure, something to get out his energy.

That line he said: it's all your fault Mommy! is very telling to me that he wants your attention and since you're not giving him enough, it's your fault. The only way he knows how to get your attention is by bothering people and throwing things which also helps him release physical energy.

rachelki 768786

Wed, Dec 09 2020, 2:13 pm

OP here.
I know it seems like I dropped off the face of the universe, but I'm here.
Last night I posted and went to sleep early, feeling terrible.

Thank you, all, for your responses.
somehow it is comforting to know I'm not alone.
I'm going to try implementing many of your excellent suggestions.

Tizku lemitzvos.

persephonefalls

Thu, Dec 10 2020, 1:23 am

My 8yo sounds a lot like your 6yo. Very well-behaved in school, a wild disaster at home. I really think it's because home is his safe space, where he can let his guard down. I once asked him if he has temper tantrums at school like he has at home, and if yes, what his friends think, and he looked at me like I was crazy and said "I can control it in school, Mama." I asked why he couldn't control it at home, and he had no answer.

One thing we've been working on is a feelings thermometer (google it, find one that works for you!) We talked about things that make his feelings thermometer go up (to out of control) and then we made a list of things that help his feelings thermometer go down. That way, when he's freaking out about something, we have go-to language to find a solution.

Solutions include time alone in his room (this one is often involuntary, but we phrase it not as a punishment, but "you are welcome to come down when you're calm"), playing with fidget toys, hugging stuffies, and running around outside.

It doesn't always work, but it's a start in helping him manage his emotions and behaviors, in giving him the tools to understand why his behavior is upsetting and to help him turn it around.