How would you handle this?

amother

Lemon

Wed, Dec 09 2020, 2:36 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

You have to let the child know that they will be perceived a certain way if they dress a certain way. Give them examples of if a child goes to school with a big ketchup stain on his shirt, it makes people think they are smelly or not hygienic and they don't like to play with such a child. Or however you want to word it in order to explain it on their level that it's not okay to go to school with a big ketchup stain.

Children would really think this?

ShishKabob

Wed, Dec 09 2020, 2:38 pm

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

Children would really think this?

Depends on how old the child is and depends if the stain happened at lunch that day and everyone saw it happening, or if the child comes to school in the morning with it repeatedly.

trixx

Wed, Dec 09 2020, 2:54 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We have very different opinions that causes me lots of distress . I'm just asking how others that are in the same situation are dealing it?

You realize that she is her own person and is entitled to be.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Dec 10 2020, 4:20 am

OP, you need to look deeper into why you are so triggered by her. Not just about clothes, but everything. What are you really afraid of? To use the word "disgusting" about your own child is not normal.

Please don't obsess about what the neighbors will think. What she wears isn't about you.

She was born her own person. The only thing that has changed is that she's developed the social awareness and verbal skills to stand up for what she likes.

By criticizing her choices, you are telling her that she is incompetent, has bad taste, and can't be trusted to make good decisions. Kids start out with small choices, and build their confidence up from there. You have no idea how damaging your words, or even a roll of the eyes, can be on her. A simple comment could be remembered for the rest of her life.

If you stifle her self expression, it can backfire on you. When I was growing up, my mom never let me cut my hair, not even to get a trim. The second I left home, I got out a pair of scissors and gave myself a pixie cut! It wasn't even that I particularly wanted to have a short style, but it was very therapeutic to see "my mom's control over me laying on the bathroom floor." I felt lighter in my entire body. I know you don't want your daughter to ever think about you that way.

amother

Jade

Thu, Dec 10 2020, 4:50 am

I can really understand you, my DD is only 7 but some days this is what we have. this winter she really wanted a specific jacket that some relatives have which I really didn't like but at the bottom of my heart I felt bad for her that she wouldn't have something she loves coz of me, so I bought it and when I walk with her in the road sometimes I still feel like shouting, she wanted it, I would have gotten something nicer Can't Believe It

ora_43

Thu, Dec 10 2020, 9:22 am

When what my kids wear looks weird to me, I just assume that it must be a Gen Z thing What

Sure, I don't get it, but - that's the point, no? Each generation picks clothes that look weird to the generation before. It's basically a law.

Anyway. Assuming she genuinely looks strange, even by gen-Z standards:

Your dd knows what she looks like. She has mirrors, cameras, and if those fail, friends and sisters she can ask. So the only thing left to do is accept her decisions.

Take a deep breath, and listen to what trixx and FranticFrummie said.

Think of it as an exercise in letting go. A relatively easy way of getting used to the idea that she's going to make some decisions in life that you dislike, and of working on having a strong relationship regardless.