Thank you for your thank you

hotpretzel

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 9:22 am

I am curious what proper manners and etiquette is for thanking someone for their gift of thanks to you.
For example: you host your neighbors relative for their simcha and they in appreciation give you a card and gift- do you say thank you OR write a thank you card?
For example: you are a teacher and a parent gives a thank you card and a small gift- do you say thank you OR write a thank you card?

I personally always assumed verbally saying thank you was enough, after all the gift was given because you did something they are thanking you for. Versus a wedding or birthday gift. But they say common sense is not so common so maybe I am wrong.

amother

Green

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 9:34 am

No written card. A teacher should acknowledge the gift via text or email, however they communicate with the parents.

amother

Bronze

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 9:35 am

I think a verbal thanks would be enough. Otherwise we'd be doing this all day... get my gist?

iyar

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 9:45 am

Saying thank you is enough but I thought it was so nice when some of my boys' rabbayim sent beautiful notes. I never got anything like that from other teachers and didn't think there was anything wrong with that. When guests bring me a thank you gift or when I give host and hostess gifts, verbal thank you's are exchanged.

amother

Honeydew

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 9:46 am

My students brought me small gifts for chanuka so I texted their mothers thank you so much. I text them often cuz its special ed and need to be in constant contact, I doubt most reg ed teachers would do that...maybe send home with the kid a little note saying thank you

bsy

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 9:56 am

I work with kids and get a couple of chanuka gifts. I send a Thank you card home with the child

amother

Silver

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 10:41 am

bsy wrote:

I work with kids and get a couple of chanuka gifts. I send a Thank you card home with the child

Me, too.
This year I am working remotely, so I mailed them. Not a big deal, a short little message that took a minute or two to jot down. I feel it's only mentschlich.

Simple1

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 10:55 am

For the hostess gift, a verbal thank you or text is good. If you're a teacher, you can ask the office to print out thank you notes for you to give out. They can have blanks to add the child's name. If a parent gave in addition to the standard collection, especially if it was particularly generous, it's nice to add your own personal comment.

It's not a thank you for a thank you. It's a thank you for a gift. In general, when someone says thank you, you would be saying, your welcome, my pleasure etc. So there is usually some kind of acknowledgement.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 10:58 am

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

I think a verbal thanks would be enough. Otherwise we'd be doing this all day... get my gist?

No we wouldnt be doing it all day. why?

For sure you should thank someone for a gift. In whichever way is most convenient. For teachers, it usually is to send home a note with the students.

amother

Silver

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 11:00 am

Just to add, when I write out a thank you card, it's really for the parent. Because it's the kid who hands me the gift, so they are the ones to hear my verbal thanks.
But, they genuinely get excited when I hand them the thank you card. I can only hope it makes its way to their parents, lol. At least, this year with mailing them, I know the parents will see the thank you card!

Simple1

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 11:05 am

Also I don't think it's comparable to the hostess gift. The hostess is doing it for free, so you give them a gift. The teacher is getting paid, so the gift is an extra perk or bonus. (It's still right to acknowledge the hostess gift.)

Simple1

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 11:09 am

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

Good point . A verbal thank you is only relevant to teachers who see or talk directly with the parents.

amother

Bronze

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 11:19 am

amother [ Papaya ] wrote:

No we wouldnt be doing it all day. why?

For sure you should thank someone for a gift. In whichever way is most convenient. For teachers, it usually is to send home a note with the students.

After receiving a lavish thank you card, you might just feel the need to acknowledge it, and there we go again.

Life needs to move forward...

Obv. some situations do require a written note. It seemed in op's description, that here it would be fine to keep it simple.

amother

Indigo

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 11:27 am

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

It's basic etiquette that you need to thank for a gift, but not for a thank you note.

zaq

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 3:35 pm

You do not send a TY note for a hostess gift. The gift is the guests' way of thanking you for hosting them, and verbal thanks at the time you receive the gift is sufficient. If a guest were to send me something after the stay, I would call or write to thank them, mostly so that they know I received it. As Bronze pointed out, you would otherwise end up trapped in an endless loop of mutual thanks.

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 3:58 pm

I remember when I was engaged, and got many gifts. I sent thank you cards to everyone, and included a chosson kallah picture from the vort for the out of town grandparents so they can see us and shep nachas as well.
One of my husband's grandparents responded with a beautiful oversized thank you card. She's British and very formal, but still, technically it was a thank you card for a thank you card. I ended up just calling her that Friday to "schmooze" and told her I got her beautiful card, etc.