Did anyone make aliyah and it didn't work out?

Success10

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 9:32 am

The families I know that moved back, it wasn't necessarily from a place of negativity. They were young couples and weren't sure they were going to stay, and they found better opportunities in America for parnassah. Or they didn't realize how hard it would be to raise children without parents support. I know families that moved back with older kids, sometimes much older, even teens. But they didn't go back to America with a feeling of failure. It was just, this is the best move for our family at this time.

I dont' know anyone who made aliyah with kids that moved back. I'd heard of a few families that came with older kids to try it out for a year, but decided it wasn't right for the kids. I think for those famlies it was always a trial period.

amother

Pewter

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 9:55 am

I know 2 families that made Aliya and came back but I know more families who it did work out for.

My husband’s family made Aliya when he was a teen. His father was offered a job in Israel which was why they moved there. After 1.5 years he lost his job and was not able to find another one. He was offered a position in America so they ended up moving back. It was a large family and all the children were doing well. They really liked it in Israel. Even schools worked out for all of them. My mother in law once said that moving back to America was one of the hardest things she had to do.

My childhood neighbors also made Aliya but came back a year later. They were not able to find appropriate schools for their children, some who were already in high school. Luckily they hadn’t sold their house in America (rented it out) so eventually they moved back into their house. When they were living in Israel they purchased an apartment that was in the middle of being built. After the apartment was finished they rented it out for many years while they lived in America. After they married off all their children, the couple eventually made Aliya again and finally moved into their apartment that they purchased around 15 years before.

mandksima

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 10:31 am

I think a lot depends on the reason you want to make aliyah. Think families who are leaving third world countries who have nothing to return to would never be able to fail in aliyah. It is their new home and that's life. Not everyone who comes from America has the option or desire to ever return. Most successful aliyot are when the family cuts all ties to coming back and embarks to their new forever home. Many come for spiritual or ideological reasons and both of those insure a great aliyah because coming to Hashem's land is not something to fail at, neither is having a part in building up the land with your presence. Making aliyah successfully does not have to mean financial success or perfect schooling. You can be poor in America and remain poor in Israel or rich in America and remain rich in Israel or switch from one or the other when you come. That part is entirely up to Hashem with your proper hishtadlut. Schools can not work out in America as well and a kid can go somewhere else for a dorm. There are many more schools to choose from in Israel. Of course the younger you come the better but it can work out at any age. You must want to be here more than you want to live near family who is in America.

If you can't stand living in America anymore, then what is not to work out? If you love America and hate to leave, figure out what it is that makes you want to come and what is it about America that you feel is stable? Do you want to fulfill Hashem's desire or give a huge gift to your kids and hopefully ensure they marry Jewish? It is a huge mitzvah and opportunity and most of all a privilege. When you want it to work out, you make it work out and don't accept failure. Don't treat America as a choice to come back to if you're serious it being a life change. There are many who would give up anything in the world in order to live in Israel. Do you have any of that passion? It is not anything like picking up and going to live in another outside Israel country. It is an experience like no other to live among your nation.

I only know one family who returned because one spouse never really wanted to come. Make sure both spouses want it to happen equally or there can be resentment and negativity. The others I heard about weren't really planning on staying forever, they were trying it out and felt America offered easier options. Israel isn't ever easier from America. Eretz Yisroel is acquired through suffering of some sort.

That's my normal speech for everyone in a regular, normal world. Now that signs of moshiach are everywhere and we are at the end of the normal we once knew, I hope everyone that feels they can come now will come. Running. There's really not much left back in America now. No matter who becomes president, there will be civil unrest either way with less safety for Jews as time goes by. You won't have to be the newcomer for long as all of American Jews will soon follow. Worries about finance or schooling won't be a future problem. All that matters is the desire to be here and the effort coming before Hashem and Moshiach gather you here is a self-rewarding mission. The government will soon turn to a kingdom and everyone will get used to the new changes along with you.

amother

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 4:05 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

OP, can we ask, what are your worries? Maybe us who live in Israel can answer any questions and help with your fears.

My fears are that I have a troubled marriage and can't take a chance to have to get divorced where I am not familiar. I won't be able to make a living if necessary there. How will I marry my kids off there? Higher education for them? Some ways feel it is safer there, in some ways not? A lot of conveniences here of things being delivered to your door that I won't have? We won't make it financially as we don't have a plan in place? Nefesh b Nefesh can only help new citizens . They can't help everybody.

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 4:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OK, first things first. If you come with a troubled marriage, it will only transfer here and many times things get worse. You also say you wont be able to make a living here, so you are already setting yourself up to not succeed. Do you work? Even if not, people always reinvent themselves. Thats an option.
Marry off your kids? Same way you would where you live now.
Things delivered to your door? We have that option for many things as well. Not sure why you think otherwise.
If you dont have a plan in place and know already that you wont make it financially, then Im not really sure why you want to make aliyah.
You should always have some sort of plan in place when making such a big move and so much change.
You say they can only help with new olim. Are you a returnee? Also, I think if you have questions NBN can help you with questions. Monetarily, probably not.

amother

Blush

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 4:43 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

don't move. You don't need added stress. And you won't have your friends and families as in person support. What happens is you want to leave to go back and dh doesn't want to because he is happy there?

essie14

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 11:21 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You shouldn't be making any major life changes if your marriage isnt solid.
Period. Full stop. You should be doing everything you can to focus on and strengthen your marriage.

No one should make aliyah with kids if they dont have a solid financial plan.

These are my opinions, you can take them or leave them.