Chinuch question | Imamother

amother

Wed, Dec 30 2020, 2:57 am

Hi, my daughter is eight years old. Sometimes I will ask her for help in the kitchen, for example to cut a salad before Shabbos, but usually she sees me doing something and gets excited and says please can I do it, for example, bread the shnitzel, cut the salad etc. so I let her do it. So the question is many times in the middle, whether its something I asked her to do or something she asked to do, she says she had enough and wants to stop.
Should I let her stop, maybe it's too much for her, she wants a break, or encourage her to continue, and learn to finish doing something that she starts doing?
Thanks

amother

Rose

Wed, Dec 30 2020, 3:39 am

Well, what are you trying to have her learn when she is helping?

How to cook?
The importance of helping?
Persistence and finishing a job when you don't want to?
The pleasure of working with Mommy?

Presumably there are multiple opportunities to learn some or all of the above. Which is the priority when you have her help in the kitchen?

I suggest that if you're concerned about her learning to drop things when she gets bored, you sometimes proactively ASK her to help (instead of waiting for her to offer). "DD, I could really use help breading the shnitzel. Please bread these 12 pieces so I can fry them for dinner." Then, you can expect her to persevere even if she gets bored.

In her mind, she's doing this for fun. So when it's no longer fun, she stops. Perfectly reasonable. You encourage this fun because it's also productive. Great!

If you're upset because she's leaving an unfinished job, make that clear at the outset. Consider giving her the option of doing a smaller job that feels more manageable for her. "How many pieces of shnitzel do you think you'll be doing? How many potatoes can you peel?" That way you can encourage her to finish that part of the job, thank her, and feel like she finished something, even if she's not ready to do the whole thing.

amother

Saddlebrown

Wed, Dec 30 2020, 3:48 am

Def consider what is the learning you want her to gain and focus on that. If it's only that she learns how to peel, it doesn't matter how many potatoes, just she gains the skill. If you want her to learn to finish the job, make sure you set managable limits. Maybe tell her I need you to peel x amount of pototoes. Then once she's done that, she can do more as a bonus, but you know she's completed the task set.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Dec 30 2020, 4:39 am

She's so young! I would not do anything to potentially take away her enjoyment and excitement in helping out. If she breaded one shnitzel then I can see encouraging her to do three more before she stops. But if she already did more than just a tiny bit then it's age appropriate. She will do more as she gets older, but only if it doesn't become a burden to her. Too many rules and it will be.

Motherhood

Wed, Dec 30 2020, 12:42 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It was you who asked for help, and she wants to stop. When she does ask to do something, not necessarily is she up to doing the whole thing. I’d rather encourage her to help as much as possible without pressure

pizza4

Wed, Dec 30 2020, 12:58 pm

It depends on what's happening I think. My 8 year old likes helping but if she gets tired and wants to stop I just thank her for the help and let her go. Usually she's happy to help and feels great about doing things in the kitchen... Unless maybe its a very busy time like erev shabbos and I really need the help right away, I might ask her to finish. But at the end of the day, these things aren't her responsibility.