I just feel awful. My entire hair showing out

simcha4

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 4:20 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm so sorry to hear this . Sometimes we aren't in control, things just happen .

(And yes I'm coming from chassidic background, but my kids are not in chassidish schools ) and I will admit that I'm confused when it comes to these things . I would love to find our style rav that would be able to clarify me on this topic.

Firstly: please, let's not stereotype here that OP comes from a chassidish background and so blah blah blah.
Not all chassidim lead an ultra-ultra-strict sheltered life like OP portrayed her parents do. Most are open-minded to a degree and act according to their chassidus' rules or/and family mesorah.

The problem is those who insert fear into a mitzvah: "if you aren't careful with xyz mitzvah then this and that will happen to you." This IS VERY WRONG!!!
And it looks like this is what is behind OP's fear of her hair uncovered in front of her son. More than any embarassment she may have felt.
Even though deep down inside of her she knows that it was an accident.

Important. Please note: I am not, in any way, implying that it is right that a woman uncover her hair in front of her children. I, personally, am always careful be"H that my children don't see my hair.
For my own self-respect!! For me and my children who know that a married woman's hair should be covered.

OP, I really feel, like you yourself wrote: that you find a Rav you can talk to and that he clarify this topic and other topics that I think are bothering you too and bring you fear.

Bracha v'hatzlacha, be"H.

LovesHashem

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 4:26 pm

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

The thing is that the Zohar heavily influences the opinions of chassidishe Rabbonim. As basic halacha. Not as hashkafa or a chumrah.
This is how I was brought up and what I do. It wouldn't occur to me to uncover at home alone.

OP sorry to derail from your main question but I thought it was important that people know that covering in front of children is not considered an extra or a chumrah for many frum women out there.

Do you know how many things are written in the zohar that we don't practically do? This is why you need to ask a rav or a posek. We don't decide halacha based on every single opinion.

I understand this is how you were broight up. And im not saying that's wrong! I'm just saying that it's not black and white and in addition to that it was a mistake. They happen. She clearly regrets it. She won't get an aveirah for it.

Chickensoupprof

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 5:04 pm

simcha4 wrote:

This... This is what is really toxic and what hurts so many people. I know a really frum couple pure tzadikim, they are in their 70s, don't accept any help. Before covid if I was in the hood I needed to get something to eat! They don't want any new stuff, they ask for their birthday: 'do a mitzvah for me , don't give me anything' On my chassone I gave the rebbetzin a brocha, I told this to a familymember ''this means so much to her, to get a bracha of a kalle''. Yet they had a toddler who got hit by a car. The rov wrote a book for chizzuk about this (losing a child/beloved person). People who say ''if you are not careful with xyz this can happen''. You make people scared. You make people going nuts if they do an aveirah. I tell this because I've heard people be like ''If you are not careful with TM bad things can happen to your children'' this is not true and it is close to a bubbah meise but not life. As this rav puts is in his book (is online on chabad.org I can send u the link) ''what happened is that it was already decided in shamayim that our son would be taken away from us'' .

Ok u did something that pasht nisht in your life, but you are a human nothing will happen.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 6:10 pm

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

Wasn't this one of the reasons for hisnagdus in the first place? Rabbonim were against chassidus because there were so many additions based on kabbalah and not halacha?

PinkFridge

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 6:29 pm

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

The problem with many women here telling the op that "it's not assur", is that op is obviously living in a world where this shouldn't and doesn't happen. This is her hashkafah. We're telling her that her hashkafah is wrong.

2 pages to catch up on.
While I'm not so concerned about the hair showing I respect that others are and that this is a serious issue.
But I still feel that's secondary. Because if the parents are out of the house so this won't be a concern, children still shouldn't go into the parents' room without permission. This is what has to be stressed here.