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Do you feel differently when you’re around men than women?
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 7:02 am
Also act?

When I’m around men, whether I know them or not, I feel different than when I’m around women. With acting, with women, it depends on how well I know them. I do try to act more demure, tznius around men.

I wanted to put this in interesting discussions, but it’s amother disabled.
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singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 7:32 am
Absolutely I act differently.... But not bc men v women. But bc of who the person is. Plus most men I know through work. Still that's an automatic different relationship.

But say I'm talking to a male customer v a female customer who's complaining (I work in a grocery store) I recently was able to stand up better to a female customer where as I got the male manager to talk to the male customer.

But not bc of tznius but bc I had this feeling the male customer wasn't going to listen to me. Don't know if that's his personality or bc he's male and I'm female though
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tweety1




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 7:39 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Also act?

When I’m around men, whether I know them or not, I feel different than when I’m around women. With acting, with women, it depends on how well I know them. I do try to act more demure, tznius around men.

I wanted to put this in interesting discussions, but it’s amother disabled.

Of course I do. It's sort of comes subconsciously.
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 8:30 am
When I'm around yeshivish, chassidish men: sometimes
When I'm around men who grew up with women etc: no I don't feel different
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 8:40 am
With men I will joke less, less chit chat
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 8:41 am
Nope. I dont act or feel different.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 8:59 am
Men in the family, no difference.
Men not my immediate relatives, definitely not as heimish & more formal. It's supposed to be like that. We're not supposed to be heimish & comfortable around men that aren't our relatives.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:00 am
I only feel uncomfortable around frum men.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:11 am
allthingsblue wrote:
When I'm around yeshivish, chassidish men: sometimes
When I'm around men who grew up with women etc: no I don't feel different

Same! I'm also more anxious around men. I don't feel safe.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:12 am
thunderstorm wrote:
I only feel uncomfortable around frum men.
But you feel comfortable around not frum and non jewish men? Care to explain?
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:17 am
thunderstorm wrote:
I only feel uncomfortable around frum men.


Same. Because frum men probably feel uncomfortable around women.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:27 am
amother [ Babypink ] wrote:
Same. Because frum men probably feel uncomfortable around women.
Thats quite a large generalization.
Not all frum men :/
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:32 am
amother [ Babypink ] wrote:
Same. Because frum men probably feel uncomfortable around women.

I think that’s the reason. I find that it’s the frum men that make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. They give off a certain vibe, that I have not experienced with secular Jewish men or non Jewish men.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:33 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Thats quite a large generalization.
Not all frum men :/

Perhaps in the MO world I wouldn’t feel that awkwardness as much. But in the more heimish world, it’s definitely felt.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:34 am
Frum men that are friendly towards non relative frum women creep me out. Any non relative man that's too friendly makes me uncomfortable, but for some odd reason when it's a frum man, I get creeped out.
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Crookshanks




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:40 am
amother [ Papaya ] wrote:
Frum men that are friendly towards non relative frum women creep me out. Any non relative man that's too friendly makes me uncomfortable, but for some odd reason when it's a frum man, I get creeped out.

Exactly! I feel like they should know better and I can trust them to keep boundaries. If they don't, it makes me more uncomfortable if it's a frum man.
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singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:43 am
Disclaimer voice to text

I just wanted to add that for me it's less about the gender of the person and more about the exact situation that the interaction is going on

especially since I am sometimes in a customer service situation if the customer regardless of gender is antagonizing I am already more on guard and feel differently than a customer who is nice
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Frumme




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 10:20 am
amother [ Papaya ] wrote:
Frum men that are friendly towards non relative frum women creep me out. Any non relative man that's too friendly makes me uncomfortable, but for some odd reason when it's a frum man, I get creeped out.


So a frum man can't have a friendly personality or they're creepy? Really? IMO I really appreciate rovs and male teachers who are approachable and kind vs distant and treat women with a sort of distain/necessary evil....

Sure it's important to build boundaries between the genders. However, not so much as to mistake politeness for flirting.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 10:29 am
Frumme wrote:
So a frum man can't have a friendly personality or they're creepy? Really? IMO I really appreciate rovs and male teachers who are approachable and kind vs distant and treat women with a sort of distain/necessary evil....

Sure it's important to build boundaries between the genders. However, not so much as to mistake politeness for flirting.


It doesn’t have to be either friendly or disdain, there's an in between. You can be polite, respectful, and approachable without being friendly and getting too comfortable.
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Thu, Jan 07 2021, 12:39 pm
thunderstorm wrote:
Perhaps in the MO world I wouldn’t feel that awkwardness as much. But in the more heimish world, it’s definitely felt.
I identify as MO and I feel it. The more RW the men, the more uncomfortable I feel. I don't usually feel awkward around secular or nonJewish men unless there's something about them that's off or inappropriate. Which is a good thing as I work in what is still a male-dominated field although not quite as much so as it used to be.
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