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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
OP
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 7:02 am
Also act?
When I’m around men, whether I know them or not, I feel different than when I’m around women. With acting, with women, it depends on how well I know them. I do try to act more demure, tznius around men.
I wanted to put this in interesting discussions, but it’s amother disabled.
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singleagain
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 7:32 am
Absolutely I act differently.... But not bc men v women. But bc of who the person is. Plus most men I know through work. Still that's an automatic different relationship.
But say I'm talking to a male customer v a female customer who's complaining (I work in a grocery store) I recently was able to stand up better to a female customer where as I got the male manager to talk to the male customer.
But not bc of tznius but bc I had this feeling the male customer wasn't going to listen to me. Don't know if that's his personality or bc he's male and I'm female though
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tweety1
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 7:39 am
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Also act?
When I’m around men, whether I know them or not, I feel different than when I’m around women. With acting, with women, it depends on how well I know them. I do try to act more demure, tznius around men.
I wanted to put this in interesting discussions, but it’s amother disabled. |
Of course I do. It's sort of comes subconsciously.
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allthingsblue
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 8:30 am
When I'm around yeshivish, chassidish men: sometimes
When I'm around men who grew up with women etc: no I don't feel different
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behappy2
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 8:40 am
With men I will joke less, less chit chat
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shabbatiscoming
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 8:41 am
Nope. I dont act or feel different.
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amother
Papaya
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 8:59 am
Men in the family, no difference.
Men not my immediate relatives, definitely not as heimish & more formal. It's supposed to be like that. We're not supposed to be heimish & comfortable around men that aren't our relatives.
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thunderstorm
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:00 am
I only feel uncomfortable around frum men.
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amother
Chocolate
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:11 am
allthingsblue wrote: | When I'm around yeshivish, chassidish men: sometimes
When I'm around men who grew up with women etc: no I don't feel different |
Same! I'm also more anxious around men. I don't feel safe.
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shabbatiscoming
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:12 am
thunderstorm wrote: | I only feel uncomfortable around frum men. | But you feel comfortable around not frum and non jewish men? Care to explain?
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amother
Babypink
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:17 am
thunderstorm wrote: | I only feel uncomfortable around frum men. |
Same. Because frum men probably feel uncomfortable around women.
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shabbatiscoming
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:27 am
amother [ Babypink ] wrote: | Same. Because frum men probably feel uncomfortable around women. | Thats quite a large generalization.
Not all frum men :/
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thunderstorm
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:32 am
amother [ Babypink ] wrote: | Same. Because frum men probably feel uncomfortable around women. |
I think that’s the reason. I find that it’s the frum men that make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. They give off a certain vibe, that I have not experienced with secular Jewish men or non Jewish men.
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thunderstorm
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:33 am
shabbatiscoming wrote: | Thats quite a large generalization.
Not all frum men :/ |
Perhaps in the MO world I wouldn’t feel that awkwardness as much. But in the more heimish world, it’s definitely felt.
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amother
Papaya
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:34 am
Frum men that are friendly towards non relative frum women creep me out. Any non relative man that's too friendly makes me uncomfortable, but for some odd reason when it's a frum man, I get creeped out.
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Crookshanks
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:40 am
amother [ Papaya ] wrote: | Frum men that are friendly towards non relative frum women creep me out. Any non relative man that's too friendly makes me uncomfortable, but for some odd reason when it's a frum man, I get creeped out. |
Exactly! I feel like they should know better and I can trust them to keep boundaries. If they don't, it makes me more uncomfortable if it's a frum man.
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singleagain
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:43 am
Disclaimer voice to text
I just wanted to add that for me it's less about the gender of the person and more about the exact situation that the interaction is going on
especially since I am sometimes in a customer service situation if the customer regardless of gender is antagonizing I am already more on guard and feel differently than a customer who is nice
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Frumme
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 10:20 am
amother [ Papaya ] wrote: | Frum men that are friendly towards non relative frum women creep me out. Any non relative man that's too friendly makes me uncomfortable, but for some odd reason when it's a frum man, I get creeped out. |
So a frum man can't have a friendly personality or they're creepy? Really? IMO I really appreciate rovs and male teachers who are approachable and kind vs distant and treat women with a sort of distain/necessary evil....
Sure it's important to build boundaries between the genders. However, not so much as to mistake politeness for flirting.
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amother
Papaya
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 10:29 am
Frumme wrote: | So a frum man can't have a friendly personality or they're creepy? Really? IMO I really appreciate rovs and male teachers who are approachable and kind vs distant and treat women with a sort of distain/necessary evil....
Sure it's important to build boundaries between the genders. However, not so much as to mistake politeness for flirting. |
It doesn’t have to be either friendly or disdain, there's an in between. You can be polite, respectful, and approachable without being friendly and getting too comfortable.
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amother
Burlywood
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Thu, Jan 07 2021, 12:39 pm
thunderstorm wrote: | Perhaps in the MO world I wouldn’t feel that awkwardness as much. But in the more heimish world, it’s definitely felt. | I identify as MO and I feel it. The more RW the men, the more uncomfortable I feel. I don't usually feel awkward around secular or nonJewish men unless there's something about them that's off or inappropriate. Which is a good thing as I work in what is still a male-dominated field although not quite as much so as it used to be.
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