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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Hitting in school



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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jan 05 2021, 3:37 pm
There's a girl in my daughter's class..3rd grade... that recently has started hitting. Until now, her only consequence was to apologize to the girl she hurt. Yesterday, for the first time she my daughter. I don't know what's the best way to approach the situation. Do I tell the principal or do I wait to see if the girl does it again. I'm kinda nervous if I tell the principal, and the girl who hits finds out, she'll be even more mean to my daughter. As I'm typing this I'm realizing even I'm scared of this girl!! Lol
Also what's a normal consequence for hitting?? Is an apology enough??
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Tue, Jan 05 2021, 3:41 pm
It's really out of the ordinary for a 3rd grade girl to hit classmates, there's probably more going on and she probably has some behavioral issues. I'd definitely take it up with the school because such behavioral shouldn't be tolerated in school. Don't wait for it to happen again.
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Tue, Jan 05 2021, 3:43 pm
I’d speak to the school. This is normal in preschool not in third grade. The school has to deal with it. Kids can’t just walk around hitting others. They need to have a plan in place.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 05 2021, 3:46 pm
Was your daughter hurt or more surprised? I assume if its a regular issue the the school is aware of it so I wouldn’t necessarily call the first time it happens unless she was actually hurt.
I have taught 3rd grade. Although hitting does happen occasionally, I would estimate about 10 x the whole school year that I can remember. It definitely shouldn’t be happening every day. My school had a 0 tolerance policy for hitting, hitting is an automatic office referral.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 05 2021, 3:59 pm
Unfortunately, reasonable self defense ends up being considered a punishable offence. Bullies know this, and take advantage of it every chance they get.

If your daughter is silent, or hits back, or anything else, she'll just be the one getting in trouble. Susie will sit there looking like an innocent angel "who would never do a thing like that!"

The next time your DD gets hit, tell her to stand up, and face the other girl. In a firm voice, loud enough for the teacher to hear, have her say "Susie, stop hitting me. I don't like it." Then wait for the teacher to react.

If hitting is a regular problem with Suzie, and DD is too timid to deal with it, walk into the class and sit at the back of the room. If the teacher asks what you are doing there, tell them that your DD said that there was a problem in the classroom, and you wanted to see the dynamic for yourself so you could help troubleshoot it at home.

You are certainly paying enough tuition, you have the right to expect your child to go to a violence-free school. If she's going to get hit, she could get that in public school for free. Stand your ground!

Be prepared to sit there all day. Bring a coffee, a snack, and a book. Eventually you will blend into the wallpaper, and the kids will forget you are there. Sooner or later, someone will get hit, and then the teacher cannot deny that it happened.

BTDT!
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jan 05 2021, 4:00 pm
notshanarishona wrote:
Was your daughter hurt or more surprised? I assume if its a regular issue the the school is aware of it so I wouldn’t necessarily call the first time it happens unless she was actually hurt.
I have taught 3rd grade. Although hitting does happen occasionally, I would estimate about 10 x the whole school year that I can remember. It definitely shouldn’t be happening every day. My school had a 0 tolerance policy for hitting, hitting is an automatic office referral.


My daughter said it physically hurt her. She wasn't emotionally hurt because at this point she understands that this girl just hits. I asked my daughter what her reaction was and she said she just laughed and didn't say anything. My daughter said that later during the day the girl told "I only hit you cause your My friend." There not exactly friends but there's only 13 girls in the class so... I don't know why all day I just can't decide if I should let the principal know or just let it go. What's the best thing to do for my daughter?
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 05 2021, 4:00 pm
Call the teacher!
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amother
Brown


 

Post Tue, Jan 05 2021, 4:27 pm
The school needs to expel her.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 05 2021, 4:31 pm
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
The school needs to expel her.


You don’t expel a kid that easily. Sounds like the school needs to up their consequences and reinforcement.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 05 2021, 4:36 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My daughter said it physically hurt her. She wasn't emotionally hurt because at this point she understands that this girl just hits. I asked my daughter what her reaction was and she said she just laughed and didn't say anything. My daughter said that later during the day the girl told "I only hit you cause your My friend." There not exactly friends but there's only 13 girls in the class so... I don't know why all day I just can't decide if I should let the principal know or just let it go. What's the best thing to do for my daughter?


I wouldn't let it go exactly, but I would empower DD as much as possible.

Does DD want to be this girl's friend?

Does DD feel strong enough to have a word or two with her? "If you want to be my friend, please don't hit me. Do you want to do something fun together?"

DD needs you to help her come up with some coping strategies to get this girl to relate better, and to make her feel like she can get the bully to stop without needing you to step in.

Obviously, if things escalate, by all means march down to the school if a call to the teacher doesn't yield results. Just try and let DD sort it out first. It could be a good experience for her.
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TwinsMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 11 2021, 10:45 am
As a mother of a child who did get expelled for hitting (and punching and kicking and biting and screaming and......) (yes he has issues)....... expelling doesn't solve the problem--- it just moves it to another school. This student needs more support to succeed in school--- perhaps it's a self contained classroom or a self contained school---- whether it's special needs or just behavioral issues needs to be nailed down and dealt with. If your neurotypical child were my child I'd tell her to kill the hitter with kindness. Ask her how her weekend was, ask her about a book she's reading, ask about her siblings---- if she's being asked questions about herself and being shown kindness perhaps she'll forget her mean streak for a bit.
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tigerwife




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 11 2021, 10:49 am
Please tell the school. This child needs help. It hurt my heart to read that she said she hit because your daughter is her friend. Something is very wrong there.
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trixx




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 11 2021, 12:30 pm
Yeah this doesn't make sense and someone needs to look into the background. Obv the kid is suffering and acting out from that. But "I'm hitting as a sign of my love for you"? Abuse red flag.
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