Should daughters be told that they are pretty?

etky

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 5:49 am

I'm 54 and my father b"h is 82.
I was bringing over some food to him the other day while wearing something I don't usually wear and he complimented me on how nice I looked and said I should wear the outfit more often.
You know what? It still feels special to get that kind of compliment from a parent, even at my age!

sheifelah

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 9:27 am

I just also want to point out that some people's love language is words of affirmation and it means the world to hear sincere compliments - it does wonders for mood and self esteem. It is like speaking right to the soul. to some those things may seem vain or petty, but to others it is really important. I believe like another poster said that a little bit of complimenting, not laying it on too thick is healthy.
You could also teach your child to use self talk and learn how to build themselves up with the right affirmations.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 9:47 am

Another thing I did with DD was I pointed out beauty in girls of other races. I also pointed out when they showed good middos. I also pointed out that skinny or chubby girls can be pretty, too.

When she was in public school I volunteered as chaperone on field trips, and some of the girls were really gorgeous, and it didn't matter what color they were. Some of the girls were also incredibly nice, talented, and smart.

DD liked it that I knew her classmates pretty well, and I think that "busting the Western beauty standard" is important for young girls. They need to know that you don't have to look like Barbie to be pretty, or like Ken to be handsome.

That's not me having a politically correct agenda, it's me opening her eyes to all of Hashem's amazing creation in the world, so she can appreciate something special in everyone she meets.

Once she asked me why Hashem made all kinds of different people. I told her that if we all looked exactly the same, how would you know who your mom and dad are? How would you know who your BFF is? What if it was a bad guy? You wouldn't know!

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 1:18 pm

I overheard my mother telling someone that I was a bit chubby when I was about 11. Granted I was a little bit chubby for about a year or 2, but I had never thought about it before. I became so self-conscious. I still have a terrible body image and will always see myself as fat, even when I'm not. I used to buy clothes in a size too big as that was how I saw myself. I also got into the habit of stooping to hide the size of my breasts (which will always be large, not that dh complains Hiding

)
So basically, think very carefully about what you say about your children as it really makes an impression on them.