My kids don’t let me shmooze

amother

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 3:26 pm

After long hard day at work seeing only my computer I pick My 5 year old from school and he will throw a tantrum if I see a friend and just say Hello and quick questions etc .. I think it’s ok for me to be able to do a quick hello .. this happens with my other kids also if walking on shabbos but not as bad .. any suggestions?

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 3:47 pm

Little kids are naturally self centered. It's not like they are being bad, their little brains just aren't mature enough to understand that other people might want to do something different, and they have very little understanding of waiting for even a second.

When DD was little, she could play beautifully on her own for hours. The second my phone rings, she desperately needs me URGENTLY and I have to pay attention to her NOW! I am not the type to spend hours on the phone, either. I'm hard of hearing, so I like to keep my calls quick, clear, and to the point.

I had to teach her that "I saw a bug." is not an emergency. LOL

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 3:55 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

@FF We need more stories about your DD! She sounds like an adorable kid
Can you start a thread? Lol

ora_43

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 4:16 pm

Aww, that's tough.

I do see why you'd need that. And it's not like it can wait until later, you're not going to just run into friends like you do at the school gates.

OTOH, from your 5yo's perspective, he's also had a long hard day. He's tired, sick of sitting still nicely and listening, probably hungry... And the last thing he wants is to be forced to stand around being bored with no end in sight ("just two minutes" to a grownup is "who even knows if this will ever end????" to a kid that age).

I don't know what the solution is, if there is one, but what I'd try:

- Find out what's upsetting him. Is he bored when you stop to talk? Is he super hungry after school? Does he want to tell you about his day? If he wants to talk to you, that's harder to fix, but if the main issue is that he's hungry (for example), you could bring a healthy snack for him to eat and that might fix most of the issue.

- Be clear on how long you really spend talking. It feels short. Is it? Anything beyond 5 minutes is going to be a lot for a kid that age, at that time of day.

- Manage expectations. After he's home and a bit relaxed, explain to him that sometimes Mommy needs to talk to her friends, and he has to respect that. If it's clear to him that he should expect to wait 5-10 minutes and not head home right away, that might make it easier. Basically, make it part of the schedule, instead of an unexpected disruption to his routine.

- Rewards. If you tell him "I need to talk to my friend for a couple minutes, then I'd love to hear your story," make sure the conversation is short, and give him your full attention after. Basically, make it clear that he doesn't "need" to whine or pressure you, because you're going to make sure his needs are met every time, on schedule.