Son Getting Engaged!

odchai

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 4:55 am

So it looks like our son who lives in the US (we live in Israel) will be getting engaged soon. He's 24. He's seriously dating a girl that we have not yet had the opportunity to meet because of the current restrictions on traveling etc. He has grandparents that live in FL, should he make a trip to meet them before an engagement or is that not necessary and/or completely appropriate?

odchai

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 5:12 am

the question is really is it important for him to introduce the girl to the grandparents before an engagement like in lieu of us meeting her.

Success10

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 5:12 am

Very exciting! But it's a mix of emotions. I know how out of the loop you must feel. You just want him and the young lady to meet some sort of family members before they make it official. I wouldn't involve the grandparents. I agree that a Zoom meeting is the best course of action right now.
Might actually be less intimidating than a traditional "meet the parents". Praying you can see them in person soon and have a proper wedding in a Corona-free world.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 5:49 am

odchai wrote:

Why would someone need to introduce his fiancé to grandparents before they get engaged? Is that done in some communities?
I got engaged in israel (had made aliyah) and my parents were in america, as were my grandparents. We got engaged, and that was that. Nobody came before we got engaged. We went there after the fact for a visit and then everyone met him.
But why would this be something needed?

Ema of 5

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 6:49 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

OP said in lieu (don’t know how to spell that) of being able to meet the grandparents. Meaning, it’s not a thing, but meeting the parents is, and since that can’t be done, would it make sense that the grandparents could step in and take their place?
I don’t think anyone should be meeting grandparents right now, especially for no reason

sky

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 7:10 am

I don’t think ppl should get so hung up on the visiting. It’s Florida. You can easily visit ppl outside, 10 ft apart, wearing masks and still communicate. I do this all the time in 25 degree NJ weather.

I hope no one keeps their grandparents locked in a home without a single human visitor in 10 months!!!

Is he comfortable traveling to FL with his kallah?
Does he want to?
Are the grandparents the type to make it enjoyable situation?

amother

Denim

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 7:52 am

odchai wrote:

I don't think it's necessary.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 7:58 am

Mazel tov!!!

I think it is such a beautiful idea! Barring something unforeseen I think it would be so meaningful , thoughtful, and respectful for he and his kallah to make the visit to his grandparents.
Indeed people can meet outside SD particularly in the welcoming weather in FL or otherwise do so safely.
And you and DH can FaceTime or otherwise participate at some point in the visit if makes sense.
The grandparents would probably treasure this visit so so so much! All the more so now! Were I the grandparent I would be so very touched and joyful.
And help start the couple off on the right foot wishing them all the brochos!
And of course people would want to "meet" the kallah or chosson if possible before the marriage /after the engagement!
beautiful to start off the engagement with such a huge mitzvah together

Oif simchos!

imasinger

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 8:10 am

Mazel tov!

Why not talk to these grandparents, and see what they think before deciding?

If it's important to you, there's probably a way to get it to work, but it's really safer to do it on video. Right now, Florida is between waves, but it's probably best to avoid any unnecessary time spent indoors, including airports and travel.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 8:18 am

many young people and those with antibodies are traveling safely already
also many travelers are driving to their destinations
(many older people are starved for real life safe visiting)

depends upon many individual factors

wishing the young couple and everyone all the brochos!

such a great opportunity to perform such a huge mitzvah together to start off their engagement! would think the kallah would be very touched to be invited into the family like this

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 8:29 am

My son got engaged in israel. We had not met the girl but they went together to visit my son's rosh yeshiva who spoke to them as a father! (She didn't really appreciate it but we felt more confortable !) As soon as they decide to get engaged they went to visit my parents who live there!(but that was after we announced the engagement!)
We spoke to the parents on the phone!
OP it's a little nerve wracking but bh a huge simcha nonetheless!
MAZAL TOV!!
Eta: it was way before covid time!!! It's just not always possible to travel!

STMommy

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 8:38 am

is it coming from your son wanting his grandparents' approval before proposing?
My Dh needed me to meet his already-married sister before he would propose so we flew together for me to meet her.
If this is just for them to visit as 'parental figures' instead of you but it's not important to DS or to the GPs that this take place before an engagement, then it is not necessary.
B'ezrat Hashem all should go well!

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 4:46 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

Ah, thank you. I misunderstood the OP.

simcha2

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 4:53 pm

odchai wrote:

Mazal tov!

yamaha

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 5:25 pm

Are the grandparents going to be able to come to the wedding? If not, I think visiting them together before the wedding would be a very thoughtful way to include them. (doesn't have to be before they get engaged though)