S/o where do you and dh sit on Shabbos/ father-in-law

amother

Seashell

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:49 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

I am not being immature. I've never heard of this.

It's like telling me if a big Rav is over he can put on his tefilin for DH and DH doesn't have to.

You are telling me something I have never heard of that in my mind is a very obvious non negotiable thing.

I believe others have different minhagim, but imagine I told you about a different way something is done and you in your life have never heard or seen that there was more than one way to do it.

Sorry if I come across as immature. But this is something I've never seen before in my entire life.I'm going to ask DH in the morning if he has heard of this.

Are all of you who do this chassidish or some of you are litvish? What about yerushalmi? DH knows a bunch of yerushalmi people. I'll ask him if they do this.

What does tefillin have to do with it? We're talking about Kiddush and motzi, when it's customary for one person to be yotzei the others around the table. You didn't ask about sefardi, but my dh honors his father by having him say Kiddush when he comes. It's a way of showing respect. He also always offers motzi too and fil always tells dh to do it.

LovesHashem

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:53 pm

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

Sorry I didn't ask about sefardi!

I'm just saying this is how foreign it is to me and I couldn't think of a better example. Do you also have your father or father in law make havdalah?

amother

Wine

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:56 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

Sorry I didn't ask about sefardi!

I'm just saying this is how foreign it is to me and I couldn't think of a better example. Do you also have your father or father in law make havdalah?

Yes.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:56 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

Sorry I didn't ask about sefardi!

I'm just saying this is how foreign it is to me and I couldn't think of a better example. Do you also have your father or father in law make havdalah?

We've actually never had them over for havdala that I can remember. I'm almost positive fil would make havdala though. Definitely dh would urge him to.

losingweight

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 12:58 am

I have had my parents over and for additional table room, we put up an additional table as a head table. And they both sat at the head. By us everyone makes their own kiddush and challa but the eldest goes first. n

DREAMING

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 2:35 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

When your parents or in-laws come to visit, who sits at the head of the table, your husband (as the ba'al habayis) or your father/father in law, for kibbud av.
I've seen it both ways.
As an aside, if you grew up different than DH, and your father expected to sit at the head, but DH thinks it's his place, that could be awkward...

Definitely my father/fill sit at the head. Everyone makes kiddish / motzi but elders go first

amother

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 2:48 am

So I have been in both worlds and can clarify about the kiddush and motzi thing.
By chassidim, once a boy is bar mitzva he will make his own kiddush. So if a man has three kids, first he will make kiddush, and then each of the kids will make his own, in order of age. If they have couples over for shabbos, each man will make for his own family.
For Hamotzie, also, each man above bar mitzva will make the bracha. Typically it will look like this: the head of the household will make the bracha and then each person will put both hands on the challos and make a quick bracha and then the man will cut it up. (Alternatively, each person will have their own lechem mishna.)
They do this ( I believe) because they believe that you are only yotzei if the person had proper intention, so it's better not to rely on another person's intention, but rather you are responsible for your own kavana.
By Litvish people, they believe that B'rov am hadras melech, so its preferable for one person to be motzi everyone.
Same goes for havdala. By Chassidim, each person will make their own bracha before smelling the besamim and ha'eish.. litvish will rely on the brocha of the person making havdala, and they will smell the besamim without an additional bracha.