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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Book rec on communication for teen son



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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 1:40 am
Any recommendations for a book that can teach better communication skills to my almost 15 year old son? I feel like he's lacking and a book may teach him in a way that he'll remember.
We've been gently teaching and correcting and I don't see any improvement.
Would love to know if there's any book I can give him to read.
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amother
Olive


 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 2:01 am
Does he want to read such a book?
Kol hakavod to him if he does. My child would definitely not.
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paperflowers




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 8:34 am
What parts of communication would you like him to work on?
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 8:56 am
amother [ Olive ] wrote:
Does he want to read such a book?
Kol hakavod to him if he does. My child would definitely not.


Yes, I can see him reading it. He loves to read anything he can get his hands on.
I once bought the book from Dale Carnegie How to win friends and influence people. It was lying around and I found him reading it. We read some chapters together and he enjoyed it. This was quite a few years ago but his bookworm personality hasn't changed.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 9:14 am
paperflowers wrote:
What parts of communication would you like him to work on?


To express his thoughts fully when coming to us with a question or request. He'll have this whole conversation in his head and then ask what he wanted to ask and we're left asking him huh? What? When? Where? I have no clue what you're talking about. And then he'll back up and explain what he means.
Or if he wants something and we initially say no, he'll put out his negotiations/ arguments in a tone that automatically makes us want to stick to the no. I believe teenagers should be allowed to negotiate if they have a valid reason, and no, we don't say no all the time, we say yes a lot more. I've had many conversations with him how the tone of voice affects the request (not just from us, from anyone, it's human nature) but I can't seem to put it down in a way that he remembers and improves.
Things can be said in a demanding entitled tone or the same thing can said in a respectful, gently asking tone which usually yeilds far better results.

Dh is more frustrated than me, I keep saying he's growing, give him time to mature. But dh feels it's not normal, especially the first thing I mentioned (having the conversation in your head, not giving all the information when asking or saying something).

So, does anyone have book recommendations?
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 9:18 am
https://www.google.com/search?.....c46:0

When I google there are quite a few choices, but 1) I prefer a physical book, not an audiobook or ebook 2) I want it to be appropriate from a teen perspective.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 9:30 am
Not for communication per se but Daniel Siegel has a book written for teenagers about the developing brain. It is great.

I can’t guarantee its fine for whatever level of frumkeit and exposure you are at. But as parents of teens its also helpful and you can read first to decide.

As for communication strategies I’m still wondering. All thats coming up are ideas for children and couples.
Hmm. What about the socially thinking program. Its for children but may have something for teens.

I just did a quick google search for the program. I have seen it used in frum schools. I have no idea whether the one I found on google is the one used in frum schools but it seems on topic Socialthinking.com.

And finally,
Personally, as an adult who had to learn about healthy self-parenting and emotional regulation, parenting books about how to talk to children and books written for children about emotions , were very helpful for me. And actually advised by a Rav.
So if he will read books directed at younger children that may help too.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 9:37 am
amother [ Teal ] wrote:
Not for communication per se but Daniel Siegel has a book written for teenagers about the developing brain. It is great.

I can’t guarantee its fine for whatever level of frumkeit and exposure you are at. But as parents of teens its also helpful and you can read first to decide.

As for communication strategies I’m still wondering. All thats coming up are ideas for children and couples.
Hmm. What about the socially thinking program. Its for children but may have something for teens.

I just did a quick google search for the program. I have seen it used in frum schools. I have no idea whether the one I found on google is the one used in frum schools but it seems on topic Socialthinking.com.

And finally,
Personally, as an adult who had to learn about healthy self-parenting and emotional regulation, parenting books about how to talk to children and books written for children about emotions , were very helpful for me. And actually advised by a Rav.
So if he will read books directed at younger children that may help too.


Thank you. I like Daniel Segals books. I've read some. Will look into more.
Thanks for everything you wrote.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 9:44 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank you. I like Daniel Segals books. I've read some. Will look into more.
Thanks for everything you wrote.

Daniel Siegel’s book is called brainstorm. I haven't read it for a while but I was very impressed when I read it. And have recommended it before.
Sorry, I didn’t see your post about wanting from a Jewish perspective until after I posted.
I cant think of anything appropriate for older children. But there definitely are kids frum books.
If you have younger kids maybe leave them around. Personally, I definitely find them helpful.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 9:54 am
amother [ Teal ] wrote:
Daniel Siegel’s book is called brainstorm. I haven't read it for a while but I was very impressed when I read it. And have recommended it before.
Sorry, I didn’t see your post about wanting from a Jewish perspective until after I posted.
I cant think of anything appropriate for older children. But there definitely are kids frum books.
If you have younger kids maybe leave them around. Personally, I definitely find them helpful.


No doesn't need to be from Jewish perspective. I meant appropriate for a teen, not communication for couples or girlfriends etc...
I think it may be a good idea to read books geared for communication in children I was just wondering if there's anything geared to teens. I remember when I was a teen my Mom had the book teen esteem lying around. I don't remember much of it but I remember the idea of a book geared to teens.

Eta: I changed that post to teen perspective rather than Jewish.
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