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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section
Bar mitzvah invitations - father out of picture



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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2021, 5:43 pm
How would you go about doing bar mitzvah invitations when the father is out of the picture. Parents are divorced and father chooses to not be involved. Would you put just the mother’s name? Put only the bar mitzvah boy’s name? Father will not be coming in and will not pay for anything. Father’s family also not coming in.
What’s the best way to proceed to not embarrass the boy?
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2021, 5:46 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
How would you go about doing bar mitzvah invitations when the father is out of the picture. Parents are divorced and father chooses to not be involved. Would you put just the mother’s name? Put only the bar mitzvah boy’s name? Father will not be coming in and will not pay for anything. Father’s family also not coming in.
What’s the best way to proceed to not embarrass the boy?


I would not include the father's name. He's not part of the child's life. Moreover, it could lead to questions -- Yossi, I'm looking forward to seeing your father; Yossi, so glad your dad will be there, I never met him; etc.

But also IMNSHO, ask your son what he prefers.

Mazel tov.
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2021, 5:53 pm
He's going to be called up to the Torah with his fathers name, whatever else you do, so its not as though the father can be completely ignored.

Ask your son what he wants, but be prepared for him not to have a definite opinion. The simplest option would be to follow the normal format for divorced couples and list each name separately, swallowing your irritation at appearing to give him credit.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2021, 6:18 pm
Elfrida wrote:
He's going to be called up to the Torah with his fathers name, whatever else you do, so its not as though the father can be completely ignored.

Ask your son what he wants, but be prepared for him not to have a definite opinion. The simplest option would be to follow the normal format for divorced couples and list each name separately, swallowing your irritation at appearing to give him credit.


I was going to say just the bar mitzvah boys name, but now I'm thinking maybe I agree with this.
OP- wishing you a full full full simcha, even if not the full family is there. If you're in Brooklyn maybe I can send over some miniatures?
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amother
Natural


 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2021, 6:22 pm
Do many people are not sending out invitations these days. Why don’t you just call the people?
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amother
Amber


 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2021, 6:22 pm
"Malky Shvitzbath is delighted to invite you to the barmitzvah of Yanky (ben Reuven Shvitzbath)"?
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SYA




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2021, 6:36 pm
I've seen written "The X Family".

I've also seen:
Mrs X
Mr X
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2021, 6:40 pm
We just did invitations for our son's bar mitzvah. The standard format doesn't have the parents name on the top, it just says, "we would like to invite you to our dear son's..." (Check out something like bpinvitations.com for examples) and at the bottom it says the parents' name. You can easily just do your own name at the bottom only, and still leave it in plural ("we would like to invite...").
If his grandparents are involved you can go with the "tiferes banim avosum" option and list them under your name.
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TravelHearter




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2021, 7:06 pm
‘With gratitude to Hashem
We would like to invite you...’
And then in the bottoms write
The Xxxx family
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2021, 7:08 pm
TravelHearter wrote:
‘With gratitude to Hashem
We would like to invite you...’
And then in the bottoms write
The Xxxx family


I like this idea best. But I would leave it up to the bar mitzva boy to make the final decision.
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Hatemywig




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2021, 7:11 pm
Ask the Bar Mitzvah boy.
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2021, 8:33 pm
TravelHearter wrote:
‘With gratitude to Hashem
We would like to invite you...’
And then in the bottoms write
The Xxxx family


This is perfect, and is actually standard.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2021, 8:44 pm
I did "the Schwartz famiy would like to invite you...."
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Tue, Jan 26 2021, 2:01 am
BTDT
We did
"With gratitude to Hashem, we invite you to share in the simcha of the Bar Mitzvah of Yanky...
Shprintzee Friedman & family "
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Tue, Jan 26 2021, 6:54 am
amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:
BTDT
We did
"With gratitude to Hashem, we invite you to share in the simcha of the Bar Mitzvah of Yanky...
Shprintzee Friedman & family "


Yup. We did the same.
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Tue, Jan 26 2021, 7:15 am
For my Bat Mitzvah (similar situation, father not in the picture), my mother wrote my invitation as though I was saying it. "I cordially invite you to join me at my Bat Mitzvah" or something like that. Just an option, you might not find it tactful.
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