Children constantly bothering each other

amother

Tue, Jan 26 2021, 6:04 pm

Hi all,

I have a 5 year old daughter and 7 year old son that are constantly bothering each other. Arguing over which chair to sit in, complaining that this one isn’t sharing or that one said it’s all for him...
If I give them to choose together between two options, if one chooses, often the other will purposely choose the other option, leaving me with two arguing kids.
I think a lot stems from this sense of competition that they have between themselves.
I try to teach them to be kind and considerate of each other but this is happening way too often!
Is this normal?
And anyone have any good suggestions as to how to deal with this?
Thank you!

amother

Natural

Tue, Jan 26 2021, 8:30 pm

Same here! 7 year old son 4 year old daughter! They go on each other’s skin!! Every sentence is in whiny or yelling tone. Not one straight word between them 2. No advice or tips
Cuz I always end up yellllinngggg!
It’s soooo annoying!

amother

Blush

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 12:02 pm

normal
preempt a lot of this and as much as possible tell them why
mommy is making some new rules because this way is not working there is too much fighting

then stay out of it as much as possible, competition is often about getting mom's attention and getting your way and "winning" -- so take this out of the equation as much as possible

make permanent seats

make rotations

make it all as much by rote and no choices

they can earn back choices after some time if you want and if it works
Use choices for things that only apply to each one like color of their clothes

if not back to this "done deal" system

it works

hatzlocha

Rappel

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 2:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks for the replies.
I suppose I should be relieved that it sounds normal...but it really really bothers me!
Anyone successful at limiting the constant silly arguments??

3 year old and 4.5.

I try not to arbitrate between them (let's be honest, the fight started hours ago with some action I didn't observe), and I do try to group them together as much as possible.

They fight over whom gets to look at the chicken on the cornflakes box? The box goes back in the cabinet unless they come to a resolution on their own.

Toys are scattered at the end of the day? "He's not cleaning up!" "No, she's not cleaning up!!" Fine. I tell them neither of them are leaving the room until the toys and books are put away, supper is waiting on the table, and I leave them to work out how it's going to go.

It sounds like it would spark a Battle Royale. But it really works, once they're not vying for my input and validation.

My only exception: hurting each other. No wrong makes a right, and they're supposed to come to me if someone is hurting them. So I do get involved if I see kicking/biting/attacking, and send that kid to their bed (private space) to recollect and focus before they get to apologize.