Dan l'kaf zechus thread

Kiwi13

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 10:26 am

Idea! Let's do a thread where we can post situations and offer each other ways to be dan l'kaf zechus.

For example, a poster can write, "A friend offered to pick up my dry-cleaning and then didn't, and now she's not even answering my calls! We were never that close, but how can someone offer a favor and then just cut ties??" and someone can answer, "Ouch, I've been that friend before, and it's soooo embarrassing when you forget to follow through! She might be too embarrassed to talk to you."

And... go! :-)

amother

Cyan

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 10:32 am

You're at a wedding and you see someone wishing mazal tov to the michetenista and you hear her telling the woman "no one called you."

PinkFridge

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 10:35 am

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

You're at a wedding and you see someone wishing mazal tov to the michetenista and you hear her telling the woman "no one called you."

"So don't worry. We have enough people on the committee and you're off the hook."

amother

Blue

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 10:41 am

My friend is giving me a lot of heartache because she told me she feels sad for me and thinks that I'm self destructing, because she doesn't agree with how I am approaching a situation in my life, when I told her that all I need from her is acceptance and chizuk, and I don't think I'm self destructing at all, we just have different approaches but I would really value her support of me as a person.

I know it's for a longer thread but not in the mood/don't have the patience/ not interested in being taken apart. But dan l'kaf zechus would be welcome.

amother

Mint

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 10:56 am

I actually had this situtation irl. I invited guests over for a meal. After meal, when they thanked us, my husband started saying, I didn't call....wanted to continue saying I wasn't the one making the arrangements so you need to thank my wife and not me....

But person got all worked up & only heard I didn't call you or invite you.....So he said, so I am leaving now! Bye!

dankbar

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 10:57 am

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

You're at a wedding and you see someone wishing mazal tov to the michetenista and you hear her telling the woman "no one called you."

This is a popular one. She borrowed this woman's phone & woman was awaiting a call. Host reassured her that no one had called her on her phone

amother

Cyan

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 10:58 am

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

So the answer to that scenario really is that the woman borrowed a cell phone for the michetenista for pre wedding and the michetenista told her "no one called you today."

amother

Cyan

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 10:58 am

dankbar wrote:

This is a popular one. She borrowed this woman's phone & woman was awaiting a call. Host reassured her that no one had called her on her phone

Yup!
This scenario really shows us that we should be dan lkaf zchus in every single situation no matter how crazy or wrong it seems to us.

singleagain

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 10:59 am

amother [ Blue ] wrote:

I wonder if she isn't having her own issue and it's influencing her abilities

I know I myself when I am going through a hard time and is much harder for me to be a supportive friend to someone else

amother

Blue

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 11:01 am

singleagain wrote:

I wonder if she isn't having her own issue and it's influencing her abilities

I know I myself when I am going through a hard time and is much harder for me to be a supportive friend to someone else

Thank you.

I wish she would confide in me, she is a stoic type who doesn't like to admit when she's having a hard time.

amother

Bronze

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 12:49 pm

It's very very easy to come up with a hypothetical dlkz scenario when s/o tells you a story because you're not involved. Much harder to dlkz when it's in the moment and you're the one feeling annoyed, hurt or put upon. At such a time it's hard for your brain to step back from the moment and get creative imagining possibilities.

singleagain

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 12:54 pm

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

Well this is very true The more you practice being dklz.... The easier it becomes I know because I keep doing that I practice and I keep making excuses for people and now even when I want to stay mad at someone it's very hard for me because my brain automatically goes to dklz