Intense baby = intense child?

amother

Vermilion

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 2:33 am

amother [ Ruby ] wrote:

I don't really understand this definition of "intense baby". All my kids have had different personalities, some more needy/cranky/irritable than others, but nothing I would ever think of to lable my child "intense".

I have one who was in the NICU for weeks after birth. When she finally came home, she refused to let me put her down for several months. Day and night, se needed to be in my arms. She was a twin so this was especially challenging since I had another infant to care for as well. But I didn't consider her intense.

Another child was very strong willed and defiant as a baby. She wanting what she wanted, when she wanted, and she wanted it her way. She often wouldn't let anyone near her except me. But it still never occurred to me to call her intense.

Meanwhile a different child was a very calm and easy going infant, but now she's going through puberty and if I'd ever use the word intense, it would be now. But I wouldn't call her an intense child/young woman, just the stage in life she's going through and all the feelings and hormones that are flooding her body.

So maybe I don't get it because I've never had a truly "intense baby", or maybe because I'm really not into labels. Either way, it's just words. Your baby is who your baby is, and will grow to be the child they will be.

Maybe your babies are not really "intense". We're talking super intense. they don't cry, they scream. they don't soothe. as toddlers you cant distract them from what they want. their tantrums are super intense and last a long long time.

I have a few intense babies. All of whom are still intense. And some of whom have been diagnosed with adhd.

Kiwi13

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 3:40 am

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

Fascinating.

I'm curious if you saw a difference already in utero?

I've heard from people who say their more lively kids did more of the kicking and moving around while their more laid back kids were, in general, more laid back in utero too.

I'm currently pregnant with twins (still early) and one, every time I hear the heartbeat it's this loud thump-thump!! The other one has a steady heartbeat but not as feisty. And also lags a little behind in size. I'm wondering if their personalities will follow that... we shall see Smile

First I need to see them through this pregnancy whole and healthy be"h.

I can't say I noticed much RELIABLE difference in utero. I felt my daughter (my most energetic kid) kicking the most out of all 3 of my kids, but she was also the transverse-breech twin B growing so high up I felt like she was in my actual heart (side point, out of all my kids she's the one who relaxed immediately as a newborn when placed on my chest... I guess formed right up on mom's heart has its advantages!) Her twin brother, in retrospect, was characteristically himself in utero... head down in perfect ready-to-be-born position from super early on. My husband and I joke that he "was ready when we are," and for whatever type of birth would come. As a baby he was VERY chilled out. If both babies were crying at the same time to be fed, he calmed down when I would feed his sister first (which, looking back, might have been because of his aversion to loud noise). He slept happily on his own and did not like being co-slept as much (vs. my other 2 kids, especially my daughter, who slept best that way).

My firstborn had hiccups in utero a LOT but once he was born he had the regular amount of hiccups.

In terms of knowing my kids' personalities early on, I knew immediately from birth that my firstborn was an exceptionally kind, loyal, gentle kid. I knew my daughter was super feisty (so did everyone else though, it wasn't a huge mystery! A NICU nurse once told me she came in to change her diaper or run a test or something and said, "your daughter looked at me like, 'where's the fire? Why are you bothering me??'") And I knew her twin brother was something very special. I told my husband all the time that there was something different about him, some kind of light in his soul that I felt even as a newborn, and my husband laughed it off at first but he sees it now. He's a pure, gentle soul with a sort of spiritual maturity that's hard to put into words but it's absolutely spectacular to witness. He has special needs and he's on a different plane in a bunch of ways and has his challenges cut out for him, but I can't help but feel I'm raising a future gadol. He's something else, in a good way. He has an innate gadlus that's a cut above...

And yes, I was also right about my firstborn being a loyal friend and soft-spoken boy. And I was right about my daughter being a spunky give-you-a-run-for-your-money kind of girl. :-)

amother

Beige

Sat, Jan 30 2021, 10:42 pm

My intense baby is an intense kid, but SOOO much better now that he can communicate!! I think that was part of the intensity as a baby, he had so many feelings/wants that he couldn’t express and therefore was a very frustrated infant. I would use the word passionate more now. Whatever he does, he does with gusto. Our pediatrician has an interesting article about different baby types and it really spoke to us while we were going through that stage about how “active” babies do EVERYTHING with gusto (cry and fuss, but also smile and laugh and love!)

amother

Blonde

Sat, Jan 30 2021, 11:18 pm

My most intense child was an easy newborn just like my other kids. Toddlerhood was really really rough. I mean all toddlers tantrum and are impulsive and break things and spill things and get angry but he was toddler x10! Bh with time, trial and error and reading up on sensory disorders and high intensity kids we figured out his needs and how we could set him up for success and he's just a pure blessing now. He's bright, extremely expressive and sensitive to others needs. When he's surrounded by love he thrives beautifully. At a recent simcha, totally unprompted, he put together a plate of marble cake, nuts and chocolates for me because he noticed that "they only put that by the tattys" (the women got the more elegant stuff, but what does he know? Wink

). Which not yet six year old does that?! I hugged him so hard and at that moment I felt that every single minute of uncertainty, guilt, fear and hard work I'd experienced over the past 4 years were worth it.

amother

Blonde

Sat, Jan 30 2021, 11:21 pm

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

listen to the child.

if he likes go cars and you are next to a place like kids n action take him there all the time to ride on them.
ask what he wants in a toy store. dont say this is not practical, this is messy, this will break in a day, this is too childish. My ten year wanted a play tent. He spent a lot of time in there with orange juice and cokosh cake and layers of quilts with three pillows just to soothe himself.....
if he likes play dough, buy a new pack as soon as the old gets hard and let him play, even if he seems to act younger...even if you have to clean up a mess and some of his clothes get ruined.....
if he likes markers buy the washable and let him use it and use and use it even if shirts or tablecloth or table gets ruined.....
march to his tune... use your intuition. Dont listen to parenting that belongs for the average child.
If he wants to eat cut up apples for dinner every night, just let him... so what if he eats regular meals starting at age 12...
if you need to take him biking to a neighborhood park every single day, do just that....this is not spoiled....trust me.
if he wants to wear the same shirt every day, buy 4 of the same.
if he wants to wear the same pants buy six and use it for shabos and vochen.
if he wants to potchke with glue, buy a gallon and let him potchke every day.

Every child is different and this might have been what your child needed, but in general intense kids need, along with large doses of love and flexibility, some boundaries to feel safe