Feeling guilty for starting my daughter on meds

amother

Sun, Feb 07 2021, 1:08 pm

My 7 year old daughter is being followed by her pediatrician and therapist. Both recommended starting her on aderall for ADD. She’s such a fun kid, the life of the party. Yes, she’s hyper and can’t sit still and makes things really difficult sometimes and gets frustrated with herself. But although hard, it was all manageable. I feel like I’m taking the easy way out by just putting her on meds. I’ve read stories where people felt like their parents couldn’t deal with them so they just did meds and disregarded any affect it may have had on their child. I don’t want her personality quashed. I’m feeling so guilty even though all professionals say that this is best for her.

amother

Brown

Sun, Feb 07 2021, 1:14 pm

OP a please listen to me!!

I’ve been debating medicating my son for years! We always had the attitude of not taking the easy way out. Guess what! He’s 14 now and we are going to medicate him.
You know what our guilt is? That we let him suffer in school for years.

Please give it a try. You can always take her off the medication if she doesn’t do well. But you can’t change years of not being on it.

*Edited to add that we’ve been to therapists and other professionals over the years to try and help him without medication.

amother

Puce

Sun, Feb 07 2021, 1:51 pm

Op we just put our DS who is 11 on aderall. He was acting up in school and they were on the verge of throwing him out. I knew for a few years that it was a problem but really didnt want to go the medication route. Its been a week and he told me he is not looking out the window like he did.
I hope he doesnt have many issues with it.

Our other son who is an adult now wishes we would of put him on something. He feels that he would of learned better and gotten ahead more if he was more focused.
The guilt I feel is tremendous. He was suffering and I didnt want to medicate him.

So I know exactly how you feel as I feel the same way.

amother

Gold

Sun, Feb 07 2021, 1:54 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Every word exactly.
And op. I know that feeling of being afraid that your child’s personality will be different.
Yes. It’s different but in a way that you’ll appreciate, a way that will make you so happy for your child.
The adjustment period takes time. Go slow.
May you see much success.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Feb 07 2021, 1:55 pm

Do not feel guilty for enabling your child to thrive, to succeed, to create healthy relationships, to learn! She's lacking what other kids have naturally and aderall will supplement that. If she actually needs it, which it sounds like she does, then this is the best gift you can give her. She'll be able to focus, she'll pick up social cues, she'll be able to get good grades! Kids who need medicine and grow up without it suffer for a very, very long time. Pat yourself on the back and keep your eyes open in case this drug isn't the right fit for her.

amother

Apricot

Sun, Feb 07 2021, 2:00 pm

I don't think you need to feel guilty. Most ADHD meds are pretty well understood and have been used for decades. If you find it's not working for her or if she later decides she doesn't need them, she can reduce or stop.

In terms of what's best for her, I think the best we can do as parents is put our kids in the best possible environment with the best possible supports for success with their ADHD. For some kids with ADHD, the best possible environment may be enough to allow them to succeed without medication. But for many kids there will still be a gap and medication is yet another tool that is available to cover that gap. Using it is not taking the easy way out.

What I get more squirelly about is when parents are being pressured to use medication to keep a kid in an environment that is not developmentally appropriate or to sustain a very high load of learning or academics. But I don't see anything suggesting that in your situation. Hatzlacha and feel free to take it one day at a time.

amother

Teal

Sun, Feb 07 2021, 3:07 pm

I'm not a fan of medication in general. That being said kids know when we are trying to do what's best for them You say "I’ve read stories where people felt like their parents couldn’t deal with them so they just did meds and disregarded any affect it may have had on their child". I highly doubt that if you are putting so much thought in to this decision that when your child is an adult she will think that. It will be evident by the rest of the parenting you do that you cared about her and you did what you felt would be in her best interest.

There was a thread recently about a different issue. People were going off on how you shouldn't give your kid the medication, try this, try that! I got so upset. I have a child with that issue and yes she is on medication. We tried alternative options and nothing worked. We felt after weighing the pros and cons that it would be in her best interest to take the medications and we hope that the long lasting consequences won't be too bad but negative effects of not putting her on the medication were too great.

It's easy to point fingers and talk about the "ideal" but when its your child you have to do what you feel is right. Even if it's not "ideal".

Medication doesn't have to life long. You can try it and then take her off of it.

amother

Red

Sun, Feb 07 2021, 4:12 pm

Medication is a huge gift for the child who needs it. It enabled them to learn and function much more easily.
Be aware that it can be a bit of trial and error until you find the right medication and dosage for your child. For us adderall was a disaster but each child is different.
Good for you for being open to what your child needs and taking the steps needed for her to thrive. Wishing you lots of nachas and success in all areas

SixOfWands

Sun, Feb 07 2021, 4:50 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

There are people out there who will criticize their parents no matter what they do. Ignore that, and do what you, in conjunction with your pediatrician and therapist, think is best for your child.

Many years ago, I worked with a woman whose son was an meds for ADHD. He told me that before he was medicated, he wanted to act in certain ways, but couldn't. The meds let him be who he wanted to be.

If this were any other condition, you would know this was the right thing. Don't let fools dissuade you.

And remember, nothing is forever. If it doesn't work, or if she no longer needs it, you change and adjust.

Hatzlacha.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Feb 07 2021, 5:35 pm

To give you a different perspective, I'm on adderall myself. It is life changing and has helped me function better. Withholding chemicals that help what my brain naturally doesn't do would be cruel. I am so grateful for medication. Finding the right one is trying but once you find it, your child will do so much better without fighting against their own barriers as much. You are truly helping this child.

amother

Aqua

Sun, Feb 07 2021, 6:05 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

This this this!!

It has nothing to do with fitting into the school system. I almost wish I didn't fit in and I would have started meds earlier. I was BH very bright so I got away with "hiding my ADHD" with decent, but not perfect, grades. I never studied not because I was a genius but because of my disorder. I wish the schools or my parents would have noticed that - I could have been doing so much better. The fact that I asked for extensions on EVERYTHING, never took notes, or didn't hand in HW/handed it in late, should have been some signs. I was very sociable, had a ton of friends, and loved school (and the school loved me) so I don't blame them but it would have been nice.

I only started medication after school and I wish I did earlier. 15 years of not taking responsibility for things did not create an easy path to adulthood and motherhood. Nobody at work cares if I got good grades in school but boy do they care if I don't have the skills to be a reliable, responsible employee who remembers to fill out her paperwork. Even with medication it's really hard to undo 15 years of bad habits. I may want a clean house on meds more than without them but if I don't have good cleaning habits from my life my kitchen will continue to be a wreck.

Having ADHD means that there is a connection in the brain that is not working properly. Having poor eyesight means that too, would you not give your child glasses if they need it?