Dd and tznius at home

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 8:27 pm

My children need their space and privacy when they come home after a long day. The therapist needs to be in one designated area of the home that is not the common area. You need to be able to either have a camera that you check frequently or walk into that room often to make sure nothing inappropriate going on with the therapist (we live in a crazy world and maybe I’m just paranoid but I do check in on therapists often in addition to the cameras) Never let therapist in child’s bedroom but make sure there is one area where therapists stay so the rest of the family can be comfortable in their own home. Your daughter should not need to be covered up and uncomfortable at that hour.

amother

Salmon

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 8:46 pm

We had a very similar situation when my brother moved in. I saw it was a losing battle so I stopped asking her to cover up and I basically said I didn’t want her to suffer because we decided to do a chessed and have her uncle. I should’ve asked a shaila in hindsight but I didn’t. Now that he moved out I can go back to the regular of reminding her to cover up when a male guest knocks.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 9:05 pm

Is the therapist Jewish? If not, there are some that say covering up modestly isn't relevant to non jewish men .

Oops, just went back to read the original post more carefully where it says the therapist is a frum male. Is it a possibility to hire a female therapist or non jewish male instead of the current therapist?

amother

Brown

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 9:21 pm

DD is 13. Is it really impossible for you to sit her down and discuss this with her? Make a compromise with her. Yes it is her home but it's also her sibling's home and the sibling needs certain things to be comfortable, too. Validate her feelings but also express what the issue is and that you want to find a solution with her. You can be frank with her, she is a teenager and not a little girl any more, that sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to do but we do it because it's halacha. Confer a rav, but maybe instead of a tank top she can wear a short sleeved shirt, or instead of leggings she can wear harem pants while the therapist is around. There has to be a middle ground.

Throw the tomatoes 🍅 TMI

and yes I remember being a 13 y/o girl who loved walking around in leggings!

lucky14

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 10:05 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

and yes I remember being a 13 y/o girl who loved walking around in leggings!

I agree. I was thinking maybe long baggy tshirts and baggy pants if she really is insisting she can't be all dressed up. I agree with you OP though- it most likely has to do with other things and not really the clothing issue. Having to compromise/do something she doesn't want to because of her sibling. Or maybe it's about being restricted in just one more part of her life where she used to be more free. I don't necessarily agree with some of the people who are saying that the therapist should be more restricted though- and the OP never said she wasn't able to see her child who is having therapy 24/7 for the person who brought that up (if you aren't though that is something you should figure out for safety reasons). The therapist may really need to be multiple places in the house. Find a way to compromise with your daughter so she feels comfortable and also discuss what her feelings may really be coming from. She's old enough to talk about this.

amother

Sienna

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 10:48 pm

OP, since you’ve admitted that your daughter has often had to do a different dance because of her brother’s issues, maybe the answer here is not only to talk with her about why she needs to suck this up, but maybe also give her something in return? A gift, an outing, a thing, something tangible, as a thank you for not always having her needs met?

Elfrida

Mon, Feb 15 2021, 12:31 am

We don't know what special needs or what form of therapy is involved, and we can probably trust the OP when she says that moving around the house is essential.

I'm not sure why the therapist can't close doors though, at least when he is upstairs. It wouldn't solve the issue, but it would give her more space and might ease tensions.