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Forum
-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
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amother
Mint
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 Wed, Feb 17 2021, 3:33 am
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I’m sorry for your son and hope it gets sorted quickly, but I wouldn’t involve the mother. Adults remember for a lot longer than kids and it could become awkward and uncomfortable between the two of you for a lot longer than your kid remembers the situation. First port of call should always be the school.
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Chayalle
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Wed, Feb 17 2021, 9:54 am
I think every situation is different. I actually had a situation years ago where a girl was bullying my DD on the bus, and I did call the mother - a very nice lady, actually. I tried my best to speak non-judgementally, saying that this is what my DD says, I would appreciate it if you could speak to your DD, etc....without being accusing.
The mother did agree to speak to her DD, and she suggested that for the time being the girls agree to just keep a distance from each other, which they did. As such, the situation stopped B"H.
I think the mother actually appreciated that I didn't start a whole issue involving the school, and we were able to resolve it on our own.
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amother
Plum
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Wed, Feb 17 2021, 9:59 am
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What are the age ranges of the boys on the bus at this time, aside from the second graders? If there are older boys on the bus that your son knows, ask one of them to advocate for him. Perfectly normal thing to do. I've done it. The older kids love it.
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amother
Emerald
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Wed, Feb 17 2021, 10:02 am
I also just had this, I spoke to both boys mothers and BH it was resolved right away.
Approach it very very not judgmental and in my case the mothers were appreciative I contacted them.
No one wants their child to be a bully.
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amother
Plum
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Wed, Feb 17 2021, 10:04 am
Involving the other kids parents should be a last resort
Most parents get defensive
And if they're raising bullies, I'm not sure that it reflects well on their parenting skills in general
When my daughter was in pre1A and had an issue on the bus, I personally boarded the bus at our stop and told those girls that if the bullying continues, I would be speaking to the principal.
That only works with really young kids though.
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amother
Crimson
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Wed, Feb 17 2021, 10:31 am
With boys they can physically hurt each other. Not the same with girls which is hurting feeling.
Op wants her son to feel safe on the bus. Principals know how to deal with bus issues and boys. Ask them for help.
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SixOfWands
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Wed, Feb 17 2021, 10:37 am
The school can and should get involved if it cannot otherwise be resolved.
Tell your DS to sit in the front of the bus. Tell the bus driver there's been some bullying, and ask her to watch out for your DS.
Definitely speak to the other mother. Don't take the offensive. Say that your DS has been upset on the bus lately. He reports some other boys are calling him names. Her son's name came up, and you were sure she'd want to know. You'd appreciate it if she could speak to her child. In the meantime, your son is sitting in the front of the bus to stay away from the fray.
Notice the tactics. Telling her she's want to know (she's a good mom). Not saying her son is a bully (labeling a child as "bad" is likely to provoke an angry response).
We've made the calls. We've gotten the calls.
Good luck.
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Chayalle
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Wed, Feb 17 2021, 10:44 am
| amother [ Plum ] wrote: | Involving the other kids parents should be a last resort
Most parents get defensive
And if they're raising bullies, I'm not sure that it reflects well on their parenting skills in general
When my daughter was in pre1A and had an issue on the bus, I personally boarded the bus at our stop and told those girls that if the bullying continues, I would be speaking to the principal.
That only works with really young kids though. |
I disagree.
Most kids who get into scrapes with other kids are not necessarily bullies. And not every child who ever bothered or hurt another child should be labeled a bully. Maybe there was a misunderstanding or miscommunication. Someone rubbed someone the wrong way or perceived an insult, and the result was a squabble. Kids will be kids.
If this would be your approach, then yes, the parents would likely get defensive, and that should be a last resort.
A better way is to assume that the kid is just acting like a kid. Or had a bad day. Or there's another side to the story. Just because Shimmy punched your little darling, does not mean that his parents are raising bullies, and it does not reflect in general on their parenting skills.
A calm report of what you heard, with a request to speak to their child to see what they say happened, and a strategy to resolve this so we can all move forward and stay safe, can often have better results than going to the top and making a whole mountain out of a molehill.
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amother
Plum
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Wed, Feb 17 2021, 11:15 am
| Chayalle wrote: | I disagree.
Most kids who get into scrapes with other kids are not necessarily bullies. And not every child who ever bothered or hurt another child should be labeled a bully. Maybe there was a misunderstanding or miscommunication. Someone rubbed someone the wrong way or perceived an insult, and the result was a squabble. Kids will be kids.
If this would be your approach, then yes, the parents would likely get defensive, and that should be a last resort.
A better way is to assume that the kid is just acting like a kid. Or had a bad day. Or there's another side to the story. Just because Shimmy punched your little darling, does not mean that his parents are raising bullies, and it does not reflect in general on their parenting skills.
A calm report of what you heard, with a request to speak to their child to see what they say happened, and a strategy to resolve this so we can all move forward and stay safe, can often have better results than going to the top and making a whole mountain out of a molehill. |
I feel the opposite. Better to speak to the school than approach the mom. I personally have seen moms get defensive.
Just my opinion.
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Chayalle
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Wed, Feb 17 2021, 11:55 am
| amother [ Plum ] wrote: | I feel the opposite. Better to speak to the school than approach the mom. I personally have seen moms get defensive.
Just my opinion. |
OK, we can agree to disagree!
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