Are we a lost case? Spoiled children

amother

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 5:27 pm

What can be done if my oldest is 10 and I feel like I raised an entitled brat? Is it a lost case?
I'm obviously not the firm and consistent type. I hate that she has no issue watching her mother work all day without offering to help. She whines all day and barely a thank you despite me pointing out the plenty good she has. Any gentle ways to help us out here?

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 5:32 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

She's 10. She should not be expected to offer help. Is she an oldest and her younger siblings make her seem like the big girl?
Why don't you focus on one issue. If it's whining, or saying thank you, or giving a helping hand. One thing at a time just like a wall is built one brick at a time.

lucky14

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 5:41 pm

A 10 year old is not usually going to offer to help out. So don't expect that miracle. Also I don't suggest constant reminders about how good she has it and how much you do for her. She should be doing some basic chores to help out around the house- especially with her own things. Does she clean up after herself? What does she say if you ask her to do so? What kind of things are you hoping/wanting her to help out with specifically? I'm asking because if you tell us then we can be more helpful with suggestions.

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 5:50 pm

Nobody besides a parent, or a person acting in a parental role, is going to relate to the weight of an adult parent's responsibilities and workload. I didn't understand how much my parents did for me until I had my own kids and started having to do stuff for them.

Is it possible that you're actually feeling overworked and underappreciated by an adult in your life, like DH or your boss at work, and you are projecting the resentment on DD?

amother

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 6:40 pm

Thanks guys for the reminder that it's not age appropriate for her to be having too many responsibilities. And I agree with that.
However, I still feel that she should be doing more. She usually cleans up after herself after multiple reminders. I guess what's getting to me is how ungrateful and disrespectful she can be. Always upset about the dinner menu. She gets one thing, wants a different/more.

trixx

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 6:52 pm

She's old enough to help cook dinner then. Let her menu plan with you and put her in charge of a dish. If she wants something made a certain way, she can do it herself (with your encouragement and facilitation)

imasinger

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 6:53 pm

Maybe involve her in the planning and preparation for one night? She can choose the meal, but is on deck to help you make it, with an end towards eventually being able to do it all herself.

#BestBubby

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 8:47 am

Don't pay for "extras" like nosh or going out with friends, or extra "luxuries" like fancy accessories.

Give an allowance and tell her the allowance if based on her doing chores around the house and if
she does not fulfill her responsibilities she won't have spending money. There should be a standard
allowance with some $ docked if DD is uncooperative and bonus given if DD does extra.

Start SMALL - cleaning up room, setting/clearing table, watching younger children so you can work.

Give lots of compliments and appreciation.