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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Purim
amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 10:18 am
My child's teacher had a parent pass away within the last year. Am I supposed to still give her mishloach monot? Am I supposed to give it to her and her husband and say it's for her "family" or is that weird since really it's obviously being given to her. If so are we allowed to come by her house to drop it off or is that no appropriate and we should just leave it by her door?
I thought we weren't allowed to give her at all but I read something else online that made me think that maybe we should still give to her.
We are giving to the assistant teacher in the room but are dropping it off a her house this year instead of sending it to school since I assumed we would not be able to give to the other teacher and didn't want to make things awkward/hurt her feelings.
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amother
Red
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 10:57 am
I know when my mother was in aveilus one of her coworkers took all gifts she was given and distributed the food to everyone in the office to share, and held onto the gifts to give her at the end of the year. Could you do a joint for both teachers maybe? And they’ll figure it out according to their comfort level
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clowny
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 11:31 am
Are you also tipping the teacher?
If yes then omit the mm and just give her the money.
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Rappel
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 11:42 am
amother [ Red ] wrote: | I know when my mother was in aveilus one of her coworkers took all gifts she was given and distributed the food to everyone in the office to share, and held onto the gifts to give her at the end of the year. Could you do a joint for both teachers maybe? And they’ll figure it out according to their comfort level |
Does this hold for everyone?
A good friend passed away recently, any I wasn't sure what to do for her 6 year old daughter, whom is close with my kids. I want to send her an mm and help her feel things are good and caring, but I don't know what's appropriate and what's halacha.
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amother
Slateblue
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 11:45 am
An avel isn’t supposed to receive MM but if someone gives anyway they should just accept it.
Maybe a nice card with a meaningful message is a good compromise. It shows you care.
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amother
Slateblue
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 11:47 am
Rappel wrote: | Does this hold for everyone?
A good friend passed away recently, any I wasn't sure what to do for her 6 year old daughter, whom is close with my kids. I want to send her an mm and help her feel things are good and caring, but I don't know what's appropriate and what's halacha. |
We are not supposed to be machmir in hilchos aveilus. For sure not for a child. I think you can give the child but you can ask to be sure.
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Rappel
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 11:47 am
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote: | An avel isn’t supposed to receive MM but if someone gives anyway they should just accept it.
Maybe a nice card with a meaningful message is a good compromise. It shows you care. |
Even a small child? For her, it's still Purim. Won't she wonder why no one is giving to her?
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amother
Magenta
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 12:20 pm
Being that I am a teacher and I’m aveilus I was told I am allowed to give my students and coteacher whatever I want and that they could give me too. It’s part of the job and allowed. AH FREILICHEN PURIM
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amother
Slateblue
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 12:33 pm
Rappel wrote: | Even a small child? For her, it's still Purim. Won't she wonder why no one is giving to her? |
I think you missed my post above yours.
Quote: | We are not supposed to be machmir in hilchos aveilus. For sure not for a child. I think you can give the child but you can ask to be sure. |
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amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 12:40 pm
amother [ Magenta ] wrote: | Being that I am a teacher and I’m aveilus I was told I am allowed to give my students and coteacher whatever I want and that they could give me too. It’s part of the job and allowed. AH FREILICHEN PURIM |
Thank you so much. This is very helpful. Too bad I did not give them to my child to bring to school. Is it appropriate to bring it to her house? I know that normally it would be but I want to make sure during availus it is OK.
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saralem
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 5:55 pm
I was told not to answer the door but to have my husband answer instead, since I’m an avel. My rav also said that I can accept mm if no other choice. I suppose that’s better than embarrassing someone.
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mommy3b2c
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 5:59 pm
Rappel wrote: | Even a small child? For her, it's still Purim. Won't she wonder why no one is giving to her? |
A small child is not in avel. I don’t understand how this can apply to her. She’s a baby for goodness sake. She is allowed to get Nosh on Purim.
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Simple1
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 6:39 pm
I think you can give and say it's for her husband or family.
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lkwdgirl
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 7:21 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Thank you so much. This is very helpful. Too bad I did not give them to my child to bring to school. Is it appropriate to bring it to her house? I know that normally it would be but I want to make sure during availus it is OK. | I don’t see any priblem with that.
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amother
Slategray
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Thu, Feb 25 2021, 7:22 pm
My daughter's teacher lost her mother recently and she told us not to give her anything.
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