A/o else feel the ptsd?

amother

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 11:22 pm

I found myself very down today. I realized that I’m obsessing over the last year this time thought. I can’t think about shopping/ preparing/ cleaning for pesach. I literally feel like I was zapped back into last year and I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I keep thinking , last year this time we had our last day of school, we went into lockdown, we were sick etc and I really feel drained and depressed and distracted by it...
BH my own personal experience was fine. We had r ally nice family time and made lots of memories but as a whole klal I feel the weight of these days

cnc

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 11:32 pm

Yes. It was a very rough year- physically, mentally and emotionally. Even though BH my immediate family (myself and children) are all fine, it took a toll. We lost relatives, neighbors and family friends and some of the children are still suffering from the lack of schooling and structure.

amother

Beige

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 11:33 pm

I can't even look at pictures of that time. Two toddlers home 24/7, parks closed, media fear mongering (well it still does) meanwhile Hatzalah 24/7 (I have 2 bils in it) and the community hit so hard. And seeing where we are today with this scamdemic. It's too much for me.

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 11:35 pm

I feel like no one in my real life is talking about this.
I was dreading this March since last March. I hear Covid chizzuk songs from lockdown and have a visceral reaction.
And that’s without any immediate relatives’ deaths. Can’t imagine how it is for those who lost spouses/parents etc.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 11:37 pm

Overall, I'm in a better place mentally now then I was then. Back then I was convinced there was an actual pandemic that was going to be like Spanish flu - bodies piled up in the streets and all. Now I am choosing to ignore the media, ignore frantic people, drastically limit the time I will spend in mask-required places and live my life as normally as I can.
So while this whole ordeal is very, very, very ptsd triggering for me - I think this is going to be a much, much better Pesach for our family.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 11:48 pm

Oh goodness yes!

Last March I got up from shiva and went straight into making Pesach for the first time. It was so hard to make Yom Tov nice for my family while I was grieving and missing the comfort of being around my extended family. I had to excuse myself from the seder to go cry in the bathroom. The yartzheit is approaching and I'm much more emotional than I usually am and liable to tear up from the most random things. I'm also finding myself easily irritated and I frequently lose patience with my kids. I'm trying really hard not to take out my moods on my family but I'm worried that the stress of this month will make it so much harder.

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 11:50 pm

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

I’m so so sorry for your loss. It’s awful.
It’s normal for you to be more stressed out and irritable and emotional. I hope you get support.

ImmaBubby

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 12:22 am

So relieved that OP started this conversation-
I’m a mess.
I never had anxiety before last year and I feel like the living in fear for a whole year and not seeing my family has really taken a toll. Now as we approach the beginning of the yahrtzeiten when people couldn’t be at their own family members’ levaya and had to zoom shiva...it’s all flooding back. As a morah, I’m on the lookout for PTSD in my students too. All the hagadas with clip art of extended families sitting around the table...

amother

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 7:03 am

Ty for all the validation. I look around at everyone doing their thing and can’t seem to get myself going. It’s good to know I’m not alone. Yesterday was tough. I hope today will be better?

Of course this must be so much stronger for all those who suffered personal losses. I daven for all of you to have strength .

If anyone has concrete ways of reframing/ getting past this plz spk up!!!

amother

Natural

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 7:32 am

I'm with you. Purim coming around again was really hard. To still be in this, and still not be able to do our usual Pesach plans, and still not do Purim seudah with our friends, a d still be in masks... it's really difficult. I miss my parents. Things are looking up with the vaccine, but still. Honestly? I got through last year's Pesach because I thought it would all be really hard and then over. Now I'm cleaning a house that's been way more lived in than usual, with bedrooms that have been eaten in any time someone was in quarantine, still dealing with issues with my kids that trace back to last academic year and pop back up regularly, and looking into a long term future that's so hard to plan for.

I'm just tired, mentally, spiritually, physically. For and from the past, present and future. And I know you guys are with me.

amother

Burlywood

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 7:46 am

I’ve been thinking a lot about last year pesach preps.
6 kids home phone learning - home 24/7
Working full time from home
Cleaning for pesach with no outside help
My DH was still going out to work regular
The fear. The sadness. The stories.

I’m not sure how I didn’t lose it.

amother

Rose

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 8:01 am

Yes! I feel the same!! I was just reminding my kids how last year this time they were bringing home their pesach things which they prepared over the phone with their teachers.
Last year this week I already went grocery shopping for pesach since we feared lockdown and food shortage. If not for that shopping, we would not have had food since my husband and then myself got quite sick shortly after.
I kept thinking on Purim how last Purim we didn’t realize that it would be the last time things were normal for a long time! I am subconsciously almost waiting for something to happen again this year.
Last year I was so sick before pesach. I didn’t know if I was going to make it as so many people in my neighborhood were dying at that time.
I keep thinking now- so far I feel fine... it’s like I’m waiting im waiting to get sick again chv”s.
Last year I sent my son back to his dorm yeshiva after Purim but he was sent home 3 days later and he stayed home until September. I just sent him back and said “make sure you don’t come home in 3 days this time!”
I definitely have ptsd. I was just thinking yesterday that it must have been similar for people who survived ww 2. Remembering how it happened when things were normal, waiting to see if it will happen again...
We were so sick last year ... so many people didn’t make it. I have not forgotten because it was so severe and it’s not all over yet.
Thank you for bringing this up.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 8:47 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How am I reframing? That it was hard and we went through it and we can do hard things!
And trying to breathe in and appreciate that I didn’t have a breakdown, that my kids are in school, that I have the privilege of shopping for kids shoes 😈... appreciating those of my older relatives who had Covid and survived and aren’t long haulers (while plotzing about the ones whose lives have been changed forever since they got sick 😥)...
The bracha of shehechiyanu this pesach will be like no other... He gives us life, He sustains us and He brings us to this day...

amother

Emerald

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 8:59 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Omg, totally same for me...
My husband was crazy sick for over two weeks and I was pregnant and home with 5 kids + being husband's nurse. It was beginning of pandemic, and doctor kept changing his mind about things. I became ocd about the pulse ox and kept checking Dh and nearly fainting when it was lower than what Dr said was number that requires hospitalization...
Brought pa to check him, waited it out that day, and bh numbers improved, so avoided hospital... All this with constant sirens outside and news showing dead bodies piled up in trucks. My kids watched videos almost the entire day. I was too tense and stressed from the situation to do anything with them/for them.
I have serious ptsd from it.
Bh bh we got out alive, but the feelings I had then we're indescribable.

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 9:16 am

Hugs all around!
I got corona 2 weeks before Pesach. Yes, I'm grateful that I have koach this year. That stores are well-stocked bli ayin hara and open. And my kids are old enough that I didn't have the same school issues you all did. But ptsd sounds very appropriate for so many, with schools starting, with COVID deaths starting, r"l.... to anyone with a yahrtzeit under the most optimal circumstances (like parents who live into their 90s) that time of year still tugs at the heart, so I can only imagine.
Here's another round of hugs!