Bar Mitzvah during COVID in April

amother

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 9:30 am

BH my son's bar mitzvah is coming up mid-April. Where we live, shul is open to limited # of congregants but people are very careful about socializing in person. Can you give me some ideas of what you are seeing or doing in your communities to celebrate a bar mitzvah? We are in a colder climate and where it rains a lot, but are planning to rent a tent for outdoor kiddush or Sunday brunch or whatever. I just need to hear some ideas that others have seen to be successful. Unfortunately my DH is too stressed and busy with work and other things to provide much input so this is all on me. Sad

We will probably have some out-of-town family coming in, maybe would be 20 family members total, plus our local friends/community to consider how to involve. For context, again, this is a community where people take COVID seriously, wear masks, social distance. We are not looking to flaunt the rules.
THANKS for brainstorming ideas with me!

PinkFridge

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 9:40 am

For kiddush, I would think grab and go. If not, make sure it's individual portions, not large cakes or salads. A friend in a similar situation (not my city) had a grab and go kiddush (it was winter, so no outdoor tent possible), meals at home for about that many people (much less family came in), and then a grab and go Sunday drive through. They did offer their backyard for limited socializing.

Mazel tov!!!

amother

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 9:40 am

Some ideas I'm kicking around:
-little kiddush-to-go bags at shul for people to take home
-sponsor an outdoor walk-by kiddush outside our home, after shul, have a tent set up in case of rain
-have an outdoor melave malka w/bonfire (firepit) in our backyard. Tricky with older relatives (dark, uneven ground), tricky bc weather dependent, and tricky bc not a huge yard. But could be fun.
-sponsor an outdoor walk-by brunch under tent on Sunday

amother

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 9:51 am

PinkFridge wrote:

Thanks, PinkFridge!

amother

Wine

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 9:59 am

We did some of the things you're thinking of (and some different ones), and it was a beautiful Bar Mitzvah!
-Walk by kiddush with bags to go
-Backyard bonfire kumzits for Bar Mitzvah boy's classmates
-Outdoor Bo Bayom for local family, with out of town family joining via Zoom. Setting up the Zoom properly took preparation. We asked relatives to send videos of them saying Mazel Tov and were really touched by the creative ways people expressed their good wishes (poems, songs, etc). We really felt that they were all part of the simcha! We set up a big screen at the Bo Bayom so the live attendees could watch the video parts (including a remote speech from a grandparent who couldn't come).

We were all so happy with how the Bar Mitzvah worked out despite the difficult circumstances (and we saved thousands of dollars too!)

Mazel Tov!

keym

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 10:03 am

My son and his friends had their bar mitzvas last April-June so these were some of the ideas.
-Large tent with a individually wrapped full 4 course meal. But differently people get invited to different parts so lots of friends and family can come.
So 25 neighbors come for appetizers, 25 friends come for main course, classmates come for dessert.

- making a bar mitzvah deliberately during Sefira or the 3 Weeks discourages dancing and singing.

- drive by Sunday or Friday "Kiddush"
Hire a photographer to take a picture of the bar mitzvah boy with each guest. So you and he sees who really came.

-pickup meal for classmates and friends before the actual zoom event. So everyone can participate at the same time.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 10:20 am

The only simcha we've attended in person this past year was a covid conscience bar mitzvah. We lived within walking distance so it was simple for us to go. I know it was difficult for them to find places to put family up for Shabbos and a few people just couldn't come even though they kept it very small.

They put up a tent in a friend's backyard since their own backyard was too uneven and rented a couple of porta potties as well. For davening, the chairs were set up in the tent so everyone was socially distanced. After davening, everyone picked up their chairs and moved nextdoor to the family's backyard for kiddush and speeches while the tent was set up for lunch. The kiddush was packed in little individual bags. Lunch was set up so that each family group had their own table where they could eat comfortably without their masks but everyone except the very young children were expected to wear their masks any time they got up. People were very good about that. The food was all pre-plated rather than family style or buffet. They also had a drive-by on Sunday for the bar mitzvah boy's friends and any family that couldn't come for Shabbos.

amother

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 10:20 am

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

-Backyard bonfire kumzits for Bar Mitzvah boy's classmates
-Outdoor Bo Bayom for local family, with out of town family joining via Zoom. Setting up the Zoom properly took preparation. We asked relatives to send videos of them saying Mazel Tov and were really touched by the creative ways people expressed their good wishes (poems, songs, etc). We really felt that they were all part of the simcha! We set up a big screen at the Bo Bayom so the live attendees could watch the video parts (including a remote speech from a grandparent who couldn't come).
!

Lovely ideas thank you for this and the ideas from keym and amother slate.
Question: so, we are BT and I don't really know much about the bo bayom. And my DH is being a freakazoid about this whole thing and is too stressed with work to participate in any meaningful way with the planning. (BH he has a job so I'm trying to focus on that.) Can you ladies explain to me what happens at the bo bayom, since apparently I have to organize this too?

keym

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 10:26 am

Bo bayom literally means "on that day".
It's the actual day of the Hebrew birthday.
Depending on your community, different people do things differently.
Some people put tefillin on earlier, and some start that day, and even of those who put on earlier, some only start with a Bracha that day.
If the day is a "laining day", it's nice for the bar mitzvah boy to get an aliyah.

But again, it's all community-specific

We didn't do anything on his bo bayom because it was a Friday. We made a Kiddush that Shabbos and a dinner reception on Sunday.

amother

Wine

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:51 am

I mentioned the Bo Bayom because it worked out for us to make the celebration (other than Shabbos) on the evening of his actual Hebrew birthday. Some people choose to do things differently. So if, for instance, his birthday is on Tuesday and you have out of town guests coming for Shabbos, it might make more sense for you to make a celebration on Motzei Shabbos or Sunday, so the out of town family is there and can see. Or, if you need to keep numbers low, you might to something small for one group of people (Bar Mitzvah boy's friends, local family/friends, whatever) on the day of the Bo Bayom and another event on Sunday for out of town guests.

Keep in mind that the day of the Bo Bayom depends on when sunset is that time of year. So if his Hebrew birthday is Tuesday, you can do the Bo Bayom on Monday night if sunset is early, or on Tuesday night if sunset is late. (I don't think that there's real Halachic significance to whether it's actually his Bar Mitzvah, but if he is already a Bar Mitzvah he can lead the mezuman at benching, and lead Maariv afterwards if relevant.)