Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children
Trying to find a balance...



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 10:20 am
I felt very strongly about not telling my kids (6&4) too much info about “stuff” but now I find I’m facing backlash from my fam and I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong. Curious to hear opinions. I’m open to change..

I’m general, I don’t blabber with my kids about things that aren’t too relevant to them. I also try not to tell them things that are relevant in the future, I’d rather wait to right before an event because a 6 and 4 year old don’t have a great concept of time. I also won’t tell them about trips (winter break or summer vacations) till right before because I find they talk and it can create jealousy.

My family has a trip to FL planned for Pesach. I told my sibs that I don’t plan to tell my kids till they are out of school for Pesach break. But no one seems to think it’s important to respect my wishes and they keep brining it up to my kids and to my in front of my kids. My older one asked me if we’re going, I told her we’re gonna see closer. My kids are very sensitive about causing jealously because I talk to them about it all the time.. I thought I was teaching them something worthwhile but maybe I’m wrong...

Can more experienced moms weigh in?
Back to top

ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 10:24 am
I think that I agree with your way of parenting. However, if you know that your children will find out from other family members, I would be the one to tell them myself, since I want them to trust me to tell them when things are going on. As a general rule I agree with your way.
Back to top

amother
Cyan


 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 10:25 am
Can you explain more about what (other) “stuff” you don’t like to tell Them and what your reasoning is.
Back to top

amother
Coral


 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 10:29 am
I also try to avoid telling my kids about something far off, particularly if it might fall through. Why should they be disappointed? Or obsessed about some future event instead of focused on what's right in front of them.

It would be nice for people to respect your wishes. But people do what they want.

About jealousy - it's not just talking in front of people and making them jealous that isn't nice. It's learning how to hear others are going away and you are not and not being jealous. But your kids are so young, so that's a lot expect from little ones.

Sorry, OP. We don't get to be in control of everything. I understand your thinking but at this point maybe best to just let the cat out of the bag rather than make your kids suffer.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:43 am
Thank you shishkabob. I’m happy to hear you agree with this method, was starting to think it’s an outdated method of chinuch.

Coral - ty I love where you said theyll focus on something in the future instead of what’s right in front of them. You put my thoughts into words. I also do want to make sure it’s actually gonna happen with Covid and all...

To the posted who asked what stuff- I clarified what I was referring to in the next paragraph..
Back to top

amother
Tan


 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:51 am
I often do a 'maybe' sort of disclaimer. It is a hard balance between telling them enough, without too much.
My kids can work with it being a possibility without it being finalized. We might go on vacation there, but we have to wait and see because x and y.
I also think kids often need a bit of preparation time to digest what's happening. Some kids are probably more flexible than others as well. One of mine needs to know exactly who, what, when, how, and another is happy to go with the flow.
It sounds though like your issue isn't so much you and your kids, but rather your family isn't in agreement with your principles.
Back to top

amother
Aqua


 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 12:04 pm
Same as you op.

Before our Florida midwinter trip, I didn’t tell the kids, I surprised them by picking up at dismissal and drove them to the airport, said we’re picking up dh and eating out. Then when dh met us he said “Ok so who wants to go to Florida?” My kids wanted to kill us. They wanted to pack their own stuff, and I packed for them, they wanted to tell their friends.

Another time when we went to Florida for Pesach we also only told them a day before we left, once school was off. No need for them to show off about it in school. Little kids can’t keep these things in, it’s too exciting.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Trying to understand this...
by amother
7 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 6:57 pm View last post
Tell Me How You Did It With A Long History Of Trying To Lose 41 Sun, Mar 10 2024, 9:51 pm View last post
Trying to help my sister (Los angeles)
by amother
5 Thu, Mar 07 2024, 1:25 pm View last post
Mothers of mainstreamed “medical” kids- what’s the balance
by amother
6 Wed, Mar 06 2024, 7:43 pm View last post
I don't know a healthy balance, can you teach me?
by amother
8 Wed, Mar 06 2024, 1:07 pm View last post