Too much stuff... | Imamother

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Forum -> Household Management -> Cleaning & Laundry

Too much stuff...

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amother

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 3:09 am

While I don't agree with the minimalist idea (I like having a spare tube of toothpaste, grabbing an extra toy when on sale for the next birthday party, not running out last minute for something, and having random craft supplies for kids to play with) I am finding that we just have too much stuff. And cannot control it anymore.
Gifts people gave so I can't just give away because they will notice. Things we regularly use. Things we will use during that season/time of year. Spares that came in handy when COVID hit and I had some extra Lysol, toilet paper, and laundry detergent. Yes, COVID is still a big deal where I live.
But I live in an apartment. With kids. Young kids. Who also have clothes, books and toys. I have tried the "label a bucket with a picture and name so they know what goes in". Doesn't last. It is sweeping a dirt floor...

The clutter.
The mess.
Please help me.

Any tricks for going through everything? I am so tired after working a full day. I just want to curl up with a book or check emails or something, anything but clean, sort and purge.
Also, any short under the window bookcases/shelving units to store things?

SingALong

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 4:37 am

Maybe you can be more minimal with the stuff that’s lying around all the time, like toys,etc. the extra tube of toothpaste is not what’s keeping you up cleaning.

I paired down my toys and clothing a lot. But I have a bin in the laundry room with stock of toothpaste, shampoo, soap, etc. I also keep extra stock of things that use up fast like toilet paper, tissues, wipes, laundry detergent. These are not things that get messy and make the house cluttered.

Can you look around and see which items are constantly getting in the way, and what things you really need to have stock on?

zaq

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 8:37 am

Lose that idea of "gifts we can't give away because people will notice." When a person gives you a gift, it's yours to do with as you see fit. You're under no obligation to keep it forever--if you are, it's a burden, not a gift, and you should give it back. Let THEM store it for the next 20 years till your kids leave home.

Also, things break and get lost, you know? Especially when you have kids. I suggest packing all those burdensome gifts in a carton that you hide under a bed or something, and then, after a while, lose the carton. If the givers ask "where's that _______ I gave you?" you say "It's in storage." If they can't tell that you have no room to display all those tschatchkes they gave you, they don't deserve to have their gifts on display.

As for everything else--I agree, it's not the spare tube of toothpaste that's your problem. It's everything, including the six tubes of toothpaste, five bottles of shampoo and the year's worth of TP, the spare bday gifts and the clothes, books and toys. Stocking up on sale is a boon when you have space, but it's a luxury you can't afford when you don't.

You must be ruthless. It's worth it in the long run. I suggest cutting out 10% of your possessions to start with. IOW, for every 10 shirts you, your dh, and children have, give away one. For every ten pairs of socks, pants, skirts, undershirts, underpants, get rid of one. For every ten photographs, give away one. (You can lessen he pain by scanning the photos and storing on your computer, but I warn you, eventually you have to declutter even your digital warehouse.) For every ten books, games, toys, give away one. For every ten towels you have, give away one. You can get rid of more than one if you like, of course, but 1 out of 10 is a minumum.

6 weeks later, go through the process again. Then again in another 6 weeks and so on till you've brought everything down to a manageable level. After that, you still need to do this at least once a season.

Stop buying stuff. Use up what you have. You're not preparing for a siege or famine. Institute a one-in, one-out rule. Bought a new shirt? Get rid of an old one. Got a new toy? Get rid of an old one. New purse, tote bag, book, kids' project, pair of slippers, stockpot, appliance? Get rid of an old one. NOTE: This applies to both adults' and children's belongings, but not, alas, to children. However: if you're acquiring new children and not planning to move to larger quarters, it pains me to tell you this, but you need to be even more ruthless about downsizing before the new child arrives. Children in large families and small houses have to learn to have less and share more. This is not necessarily a bad thing.

L25

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 8:45 am

as said previously you probably should get rid of guilty clutter which includes gifts you have no use for.

I also try to not have so much "out" but put in storage. make sure you know what you have. the extra shampoo won't help you if you'll forget you had it and buy more.

Frumme

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 10:05 am

I agree with Zaq, you certainly can give away gifts that you don't need.

If it's a toy or clothes I don't particularly like, I have the kids play with it/get dressed in it, take a pic, send the pic to the giver, and then give the item away.

And I also find the 10% method to be helpful when downsizing. That's the method my mom would do with us. We would take a bin, weigh it, go through it, and reweigh. We got a big kick out of it as kids for whatever reason. Lol

Crookshanks

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 10:52 am

Have one extra of everything in storage and that's it. You need one extra toothpaste for a toothpaste emergency, not ten little tubes that you got from the dentist every time you went. You need one brush attached to a drawer with elastic, the rest go in a box in storage.

amother

Lemon

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 12:22 pm

ive been feeling very similar ...
in the past month I have gone around my house and asked myself if I or any of the kids has used this in the last 6 months, if the answer was no I threw it out..

I had about 10 full bags of garbage plus a chair that leg broke (im saying I will fix it for the past 3 years) my elliptcal (havent used it in 4 years) , my toy tox (collection of junk that my kids dont even use , adn the contents of that toy box.

my house is SO SO much cleaner and less cluttery. I cant even describe the difference. its just a pleasure now, and so much easier to clean up. and really a pleasure to clean up and sweep everyday

just want to add, I dont regret anything I threw out and my kids have not asked for anything or msised anything (besides my old sheital that I kept for dress up in the toy box , I threw it out and my daughter randomly wanted to dress up, my heart sank I knew I threw it out and I said oh my gosh what about wearing my snood!?!?! she loved that and bh went over well)

amother

Lilac

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 12:36 pm

I have hardly ever regretted getting rid of something, and on the rare occasions when I do, it's because I recently got rid of it and it's fresh in my mind. If I still had it, I wouldn't remember I had it and wouldn't use it when I "need" it. If I really used it, I wouldn't have gotten rid of it.

Amarante

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 1:04 pm

In terms of dealing with getting rid of things, do it for 15 minutes and then stop. Don't make it too difficult by thinking you have to do a big amount or it's meaningless. When you open a kitchen drawer (for example) take moment to think whether you can release anything you see.

The basics are to have three baskets, bins or whatever - throw out; give away or keep. If something can be stored in a better place, then bring it to that place. Don't think too much about the best place to get rid of items. Once I fill a bag, I bring it to the trunk of my cart and then give it to a charity that I pass that takes donations.

I am prone to "hoarding" - runs in the family so I guess it's genetics and just learned behavior. So it is a hard habit to break. There are so many scripts that I can run into my head in terms of why I should keep anything so it is helpful to read an article or book so that you can get rid of the voices in your head which tell you to keep something. I am a work in progress and during the COVID my place also became very cluttered with stuff that I acquired - why do I need 24 cans of lentil soup? or 5 cases of baby wipes? Smile

Sentimental stuff is hard to get rid of - at least for me. I tell myself that people don't live in the material objects. So I took pictures of stuff that I had inherited from my grandmother and my mother and only kept those items that I still felt were beautiful or a few objects that especially reminded me of the person. Taking photos of stuff before releasing into the universe helps. Sometimes I will look at the photos I kept and it is even better than having the original object cluttering my universe.

amother

Puce

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 1:34 pm

I'm just like you. In the end I chose to minimize clothing but maximize toys. I needed it. The mess was bad and hard. BH we moved to a larger space. I dont regret having had tons of toys though....

zaq

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 5:10 pm

You may feel better about getting rid of good stuff (gently used or unused) if you find it a good home. Give away to individuals or to organizations, whether it's your local gmach, the hadassah thrift shop, or Goodwill. Doing so accomplishes three things:

1. It clears up your house so you can feel that you're living in a house, not a trash heap or warehouse.
2. Makes it possible for people without means to acquire things they may not otherwise be able to afford.
3. Allows the items to fulfill the mission they were sent to Earth for, I.e. to be used by humankind. Warehoused in your closet and never seeing the light of day, they can't.

If you have a head for business and like hondling, you can try selling your excess stuff.

Mind you, I refer to GOOD stuff. Things you would buy if you were in acquisition mode rather than deaccessioning mode. Stained clothes, even if they're pure silk and by a prestigious Italian designer, go in the rag bag, compost heap or trash. Games and puzzles that are missing parts go in the compost heap, recycling bin, or trash. Torn books, ditto. If you love the book and are willing and able to repair it, great, but otherwise, out.it.goes.

A good question to ask yourself is:If I saw this in a thrift shop today, would I buy it? If the answer is no, you should probably get rid of it.

Crookshanks

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 5:18 pm

zaq wrote:

Wow very thought out. Do you work in this business?

zaq

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 6:20 pm

Crookshanks wrote:

Wow very thought out. Do you work in this business?

No, though I would love to. Alas, the field of "professional organizing" wasn't even invented till after I started working in my current field, and I didn't hear of it until considerably later than that.

amother

White

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 6:48 pm

Some mindset tricks that help me (I'm a borderline hoarder) :

-if we moved next week, would I keep this (I've moved so many times that this is a fair and relevant q)
-if we have a fire chv would I replace this
-would I buy this again right now?

I also believe that items sitting is bal tashchis bc it's not being used. I developed this opinion from observing my mother, the original hoarder, whose toys take up entire closets "for the grandkids" who don't play with them and never will. (they play with the two tubs downstairs)

During lockdown times I borrowed a specific large toy from her. It hadn't been touched since we were kids. A few weeks later I was putting it back in my trunk to return to her. A young mom with 3 kids hanging off her stroller stopped and asked if I could sell it to her.

I called my mother right there and she said, no I want it back. Guess what... It's been a year later and nobody has touched it and all I can think of is that young mom who would have sooo benefited from it.

PinkFridge

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 9:07 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

You'll do differently. Maybe you can write a different ending: that the mom found it at a garage sale the next week, and you got to do kibud av v'aim.

Crookshanks

Mon, Mar 08 2021, 10:29 pm

zaq wrote:

Me too! I love organizing so I do it for free with everyone I know Very Happy

amother

Lilac

Tue, Mar 09 2021, 9:00 am

Crookshanks wrote:

Me too! I love organizing so I do it for free with everyone I know Very Happy

I have to hold myself back. I once made the big mistake of neatening up a kitchen cabinet when we were staying at a relative's house. Nothing major, just stacking like with like, all the bowls together, all the mugs together, that sort of thing. She caught me at it and was NOT pleased!

amother

Powderblue

Tue, Mar 09 2021, 9:22 am

yeah I would love if someone would come and help me organize but I would be pretty upset if someone did it without asking.

Crookshanks

Tue, Mar 09 2021, 9:31 am

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

Hehe whoops I do that all the time...

amother

Ecru

Tue, Mar 09 2021, 9:43 am

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

You can ask...
My cabinets are perpetually in disarray. I would be so happy if someone offered to organize them, but not if I found them doing it without asking.

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