Do you keep your (very young) kids up for seder?

amother

Orange

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 12:47 pm

tichellady wrote:

The mitzvah is for adults. If an adult isn’t gonna enjoy it because their child is falling apart, what’s the point? Everyone needs to do what works for their family

Not exactly. The mitzvah is actually for adults to engage their children in sippur yetzias mitrayim. Our Rav spoke about thos at length, how its the actual priority of the seder, and not to say long adult-geared divrei Torah at the expense of the children.
This night is all about the children

pause

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 12:48 pm

I do similar to the amother who puts her kids for a nap close to their regular bedtime. We do this also RH when they want to be awake to do the simanim and simchas torah when they want to go to shul.

STMommy

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 12:58 pm

wow I guess I'm in the minority. I kept my kids up for afikoman (after they had taken a required nap during the day) and then right to bed. No hallel or nirtza.

doodlesmom

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 2:54 pm

This year it should be easier to nap them all. (And nap myself which is such a treat)
THey will then stay up until they ask for bed or conk out.

The pleasure on their faces, and shining eyes is my confirms that I’m doing the right thing!

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 3:01 pm

NotInNJMommy wrote:

No. When they are second grade and up, I may let them stay up for a bit until I see them fading...then they drink the remaining cups and bentsch. Younger than that, I generally put to bed and normal time and do the "seder" with them in short/adjusted form the next day.

Edited to add that I read your response, everyone does what works for them n

IME Seder night, properly, with the adults is such an amazing experience. I have the most amazing memories, knowing I was staying up special because this was so important. From preschool I think they should already at least start the Seder and then after Mah Nishtana many families start putting them to bed. Second grade is so old already... so many impressionable years before that.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 3:03 pm

I’ll be the odd one out. Have a 15 mo old and a 4.5 year old who will both be going to sleep and I’m going to keep the 6.5 year old awake. The 4 y.o is miserable when tired and will ruin yt for the entire extended family who will be with us at my moms ...

professor

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 3:06 pm

As a young new mother, I did not want my baby to stay up late so I left my grandparents' house where my uncle and parents and everyone was gathered together singing nirtzah songs till whenever. I regret it till today.

flowerpower

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 3:29 pm

They don’t sleep anyways so it doesn’t effect them. They stay up until whenever. Even my nursery kid is very into her hagaddah. I wouldn’t want her to miss the long anticipated seder. If needed- put em to nap. Even if you’re strict with bedtime, there are times where you just let go a bit.

Another mom

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 5:45 pm

My kids are older - but --- it never dawned on me to put them to bed. Firstly cuz they learn about it in school. THe Mitzva and experience. And anyway... who had time for bedtime rituals? It took me ages to put them to bed and I' was always too busy - LOL
Chag Sameach!!!!

amother

Denim

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 5:46 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

When do they start staying up? We are usually strict about bedtimes.

I'm very strict about bedtimes and my children are always all up for the seder. I have them sleep most of the day before.

#BestBubby

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 5:56 pm

My mother made the younger kids take a nap erev pesach - warning us that we won't
be able to be up for seder if we don't nap. Our sedorim lasted till about 1:30 and most
pre-schoolers made it till 12 - then fell asleep on the couch.

I tried to make my kids nap, but they never fell asleep.

Our sedorim were quicker and ended 11:30 and my kids stayed up till the end.

They were so excited and enjoyed it so much.

amother

Amethyst

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 6:09 pm

Under 3 I put them to bed at the normal time. Until 7 I did a quick abridged version at the beginning of the seder so we can go through everything they learned and then put them to bed. Older than that they stay up until they can't.

amother

Periwinkle

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 6:18 pm

I think it depends on the child more than the age. My 6yo is a night owl. Routinely falls asleep late and wakes up later. He's always been like that. My 4yo on the other hand, after 7/8pm is a monster.
I will let them all stay up for some of it. We give each of them their own mini grape juice bottle and kiddush cup and they do their own '4' cups. However long they want to stay up, I'll let. If they sleep in a bit later than usual, so I can rest, I will think it worth it.

tichellady

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 9:49 pm

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

I don’t think the rabbis meant 2 year olds

amother

Navy

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 10:20 pm

I wasn't planning planning keep my 2.5 year old up.
I think it will be a disaster.
But maybe I'll try to keep him up, and put him to bed at the first sign of tantrums.

amother

Firebrick

Thu, Mar 25 2021, 11:28 pm

Since I have preschoolers and teenagers, I find the best balance is to put the little ones in early for the first seder, so it's geared towards the older children, and let the little kids stay up for the second seder, when they take most of the focus. One is enough at that age.

amother

Blush

Fri, Mar 26 2021, 1:09 am

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

Very smart!

I never thought for a second to keep my little kids (4 and under) up. My kids are they type to need their sleep.

However, this year my oldest is 5 and he's learned SO MUCH about it. I've been prepping him that if he takes a nap, he'll be able to stay up. He's excited and has told me that he plans on taking a long nap on Shabbos.

(hmm...now that I think about it, I realize he didn't learn about it last year because of Corona! Maybe that's why I didn't think to let him stay up - and he didn't ask.)

amother

Orchid

Tue, Mar 30 2021, 9:44 am

amother [ Mustard ] wrote:

Oh I'd definitely put a 2.5 year old to bed for seder if you have a small baby as well! Make something little for her by the day meal. He/she won't remember or resent you for it lol.

Thank G-d I ended up taking your advice, Mustard! My baby ended up being a handful both seder nights.

I would have been miserable if my toddler had stayed up. Nothing against my toddler, but there's no way she would have been able to stay up. By 7 pm she was already asking for bed (both nights). I offered her the chance to stay up but she was a mess by then. We did try resting during the day both days but she hasn't taken a nap in many months and she would just roll around in bed so no one could rest. That coupled with walking around with a crying baby while trying to do maggid or hallel would have just been too much for me.

Maybe it'll work out next year, in Yerushalayim!

amother

Papaya

Tue, Mar 30 2021, 9:59 am

My 4 year old was so excited for the Seder. I can’t imagine making him miss it. He stayed up both nights until the very end. Once to 1:30 and the other until 2:30. He participated and said/ sang whatever he had learned.