Bar Mitzvah for Twin Boys

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amother

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 7:04 am

Anyone here made a mar mitzvah for twins boys and can share how it was done? It’ll obviously have to be on the same night, but how do you make each boy feel special and feel like the star of the night?

amother

Mint

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 7:43 am

Do they generally feel like they are in competition?
My twin brothers were thrilled to share their special night. They each gave a small speech and each invited their own friends.
People do fancy things with lights on the wall, you can do each of their names separately.

chava101

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 7:53 am

I was @ a close family members twins bar mitzvah. The "pshetl" was a back and forth between the boys where one asked the questions and the other answered. It was very nice.

I don't remember what they did about benchting.

amother

Coral

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 7:54 am

Was at a bar mitzvah recently and it was a 2 color theme. Like grey and blue. And each color was assigned to one twin. So blue and grey benchers with their name on their color bencher. Napkins in blue and grey with their name on color.

English3

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 8:14 am

I have a friend that one bochur leined and one bentched. Following for my boys although they are three months but I have hope...

amother

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 8:17 am

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

Do they generally feel like they are in competition?

No. It’s more in my head. I don’t like lumping them together.

amother

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 8:17 am

chava101 wrote:

The "pshetl" was a back and forth between the boys where one asked the questions and the other answered. It was very nice.

I love this!

amother

Blush

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 8:51 am

Wouldn’t the question and answer be lumping them together? They don’t even get to say their own...
One idea I liked is to take each boy shopping separately.
(Following as I have twin boys, though we still have a while to go before they’re 13)

keym

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 9:09 am

I have a few sets of twin boys in my extended family.
These are some things I've seen. You have to know your boys and family.

1) two separate laining minyanim. So Twin A lains at a hashkama minyan at 7, and Twin B lains at the regular minyan at 8:30.
2) 2 separate Kiddushim separate weeks. Each boy lains maftir/haftara their week. This is especially practical if they're in separate classes and have separate social circles and expect a lot of separate visitors.
3) dinner is divided. First Twin A speaks, makes siyum, Rebbi speaks, Zaidy speaks. Dancing with Twin A. Then repeat for Twin B. Speeches need to be very short and timed well so everything fits in.
4)A set of twins I know decided to split. Twin A did the dinner, Twin B did the laining and kiddush.
But at almost bar mitzvah, they can be trusted to share what they want.

Chayalle

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 9:11 am

chava101 wrote:

My best friend has triplets, and they did a tripple pshetl, with each having their role in the "performance". It was absolutely adorable (if I'm allowed to say that) and one-of-a-kind.

OP, a twin Bar Mitzva is so special. Wishing you lots of Nachas.

amother

Lilac

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 10:41 am

before their bar mitzvah our boys davened at hashkama and dh usually davened at the main minyan. So we gave equal honors to both minyanim. The boys split the parasha: the one who leined the longer part of the parasha read haftarah at hashkamah (which is a smaller minyan in a smaller room and therefore less intimidating) while the one who leined the shorter part of the parasha (and therefore had an easier job) read haftarah at the main minyan (which is more terrifying). The immediate family went to both minyanim, of course.

The kiddush and dinner were that same day after davening. Their drasha was a tag-team performance with both boys alternating remarks. Benching? I'm sure we gave that kavod to the rabbi of the shul, one of the boys' rebbeim, or one of the grandfathers.

Making each boy a separate dinner or kiddush so that he can feel "special" is going just a bit too far IMHO. There's such a thing as sharing, and even twins have to learn this skill.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 10:52 am

I have twins with a couple years to go until bar mitzvah, but I think about it a lot. I would hope to focus on their skills so they each have a special role. One is very good with academics and likes the spotlight so he would probably focus on the leining and speech, while the other is not academic but is more crafty and creative and would focus on a smaller part (haftorah) and set up/layout/colors etc. Focus on the special aspects of each child, and they will shine at the bar mitzvah.

Have you asked them what they want to do?

amother

cornflower

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 1:04 pm

I am also planning a twin boys bar mitzvah at the moment. My boys are as different as night and day - they want to wear different color suits, one wants cufflinks the other not... one wants shoes with laces the other not, the list goes on and on... some things we will need to compromise on and some things I will let them do to suit their individuality... as I always have done throughout the years... In general when I make a Simcha the whole family feels special - it's so exciting to have a family Simcha - so I don't think they need anything more than knowing this night is to celebrate their becoming a bar mitzvah - the fact that it's shared with his twin brother - makes it all the more special. Of course they both get to pick a gift within a certain budget that they want for themselves, as well as their tefillin bag... Maybe I will have them each choose 2-3 songs they like to tell the musician to play... For the pshetel the older one will do the first half followed by his twin for the second half...

chava101

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 2:54 pm

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

I have twin girls - so I get where this is coming from. I wouldn't make 2 separate Bas Mitzvahs. Hashem created them as a twin and it's part of life. Some occasions in their lives just end up being shared. I connect to each one of them individually and each one gets what they need based on their individual needs.

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