Xh reaching out...for...

amother

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 7:23 pm

amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:

It’s very common in divorce cases (including in my own where I would have no problem giving a copy of my get) for the two ex spouses not to communicate directly with each other.

thinking it through now...I think I honestly have a harder time with this specific person reaching out to me, knowing im going thru what im going thru right now... I feel it was tactless and insensitive, when she knew the request could easily be dealt with by him calling beis din

amother

Chocolate

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 7:38 pm

OP, why not just say you'll look for it?
Then get back to her (or wait til she gets back to you) and say you can't find it. You'll need a copy as well. And could he send you a copy when he gets one from the bais din.
play innocent.

amother

Aqua

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 8:18 pm

For those of us divorced from "man-children," cleaning up their messes is an emotional burden we worked hard to free ourselves from, so what seems like a small favor can be experienced as a setback. Some of these guys are not getting their act together, even years later, and we need to set firm boundaries. My ex recently asked me to include him when I file taxes so he can get his stimulus check. UM. No. Can't Believe It

Figure it out, man.

amother

Pink

Wed, Apr 21 2021, 9:31 pm

In Israel DD had to pay about $80 to get a document stating she is divorced.

Then the X came along and wanted a copy for free. No thanks, pay for your own.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 4:08 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

Figure it out, man.

OMGosh, THIS! Some men are emotional leeches, and they can't let go of the attachment.

My ex had copied all of my contacts from my phone, when I left it out on a table once. Even now he still calls some of my friends "just to see if they've heard from me." He knows that if he tries to contact me, I will ignore him. They all know not to engage with him.

He didn't give a darn about me when we were married, but suddenly I'm free and living my own life, so NOW I'm interesting? Ugh!

Dude, get over yourself and grow up. Mad

allthingsblue

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 4:13 am

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

I'm not sure what the issue is.

I'm not divorced but I was once fired from work. They would call me even months later asking me where files are and what did we do about this last year etc.

I never had an issue with helping them

That's completely inappropriate of them.

imasinger

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 4:13 am

To the poster talking about firm boundaries with man children, you're absolutely right. It really does depend on the situation.

To FF, just wow. I'm glad you're free of his craziness.

amother

Oak

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 4:16 am

My dh is divorced. I once asked him where he keeps his get and he said the Bais din tears up the actual get after the process. They must keep records though in case someone needs proof so I would think he should contact the Bais din. Why wouldn’t he?

amother

Oak

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 4:19 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

That really makes sense. Your put off by her insensitivity now. Not the fact that he needs divorce proof.

Iymnok

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 4:28 am

If I were to lose any of my documents, I know which offices to contact. I’ll call my Rav to rewrite my kesuba if that were to get misplaced. I don’t think I’d even call my parents for anything except my birth certificate since I know they have those.
He’s an adult and could act like one. You are not responsible for him any more. That’s part of how divorce works.

amother

White

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 4:45 am

I'm not divorced but my DH was divorced before he met me. It's good to maintain a civil relationship when possible.
IMHO, if it's not a big deal for you, give him a copy of the document.
This is different than if he would say "you know I was never a good cook so could you make me Shabbos meals?". Shabbos meals he could get from someone else.
I think it's completely appropriate (and preferable) that he didn't ask you directly.

amother

Purple

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 5:56 pm

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

Something's not adding up. I don't remember getting a Get document- they tear it up immediately after it's done.

Exactly. They tear it up so that no one should review it and find something to invalidate it. But you should have gotten the document placed in your hands for a few moments before it was torn up, because you have to accept it in your hands for it to go into effect. The document is not "his" get--it's YOUR get that your ex-dh gave to you, and he has neither right nor reason to have a copy of it.

amother

Blonde

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 6:47 pm

I would in the nicest way possible direct the xh or the messenger to ask the beis din for it. If she said you're mean, too bad for her, it's her problem. A normal person is not offended when you tell them to kindly ask the beis din directly..