What does it mean when an adult can't do a toddler puzzle?

amother

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 8:34 am

Ok so I posted this for a friend of mine who is dating this guy. He is 100% normal and cognitively fine. He has a job drives a car owns a house etc. Is actually great with numbers.
Personality wise he is definitely a somewhat impatient person and always rushing or hurrying so it's possible he was not taking the time to properly assess the puzzle . It fell to the floor in her house (he knocked it over ) and he picked it up to clean it up and spent 2 minutes trying to jam the pieces etc as described above. After 4 minutes she took the puzzle from him and took a piece and showed him how the shapes match the shapes on the board and yet even so it took him the same amount of time to do one piece as her doing 6 of them. He kept trying to stuff it in versus studying the shape.

She has noticed other small but strange occurances also which makes her wonder how normal this is.

For example they pull into a parking lot where you have to pay online. He studies the online website for a while and finally gives up because he can't figure it out and says never mind let's just take a risk with the parking.

He filled up a zip lock bag with a food and spent a good 40 seconds trying to ziplock it shut. Sort of mushing the bag around. Finally he hands it to her and when she takes it it's not zipped in the slightest. He couldn't match the 2 zippers.

Random tiny small instances like that.

He is not.special needs.
carries a conversation is social and outgoing etc. Like I said is a regular guy.

One other thing she noticed is he gets these random bursts of energy where he is rushing around or hurrying when he walks for no reason and then suddenly he will become slow and its like his battery ran out. Just walks or does stuff in slow motion.

amother

Jetblack

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 8:47 am

Sounds concerning. Another thing to look at is vision, depth perception, visual discrimination, can he tell where the puzzle board opening begins and ends to adjust the piece. It sounds like he is a smart and capable person but has that enabled him to compensate for something significant so we'll that is went under the radar?

imasinger

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 8:51 am

I wouldn't be so quick to say "no issues, totally normal". But then, I think everyone has a few issues.

This sounds like some spacial awareness weaknesses, and the energy running out could be any number of things but probably is not nothing.

My 2¢. Is he responsible? Is he kind? Does he get a positive check in "b'kiso, b'kaaso, b'koso"?

If so, then chalk it up to a little quirkiness, and keep dating him.

PinkFridge

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 8:57 am

imasinger wrote:

OP, thanks for giving us the context.
I would also say that there is room to continue dating. But take it slow. Yeah, easy for me to say, I'm not an older single. But while one might be open to people one wasn't when starting dating years before, that doesn't mean settle for anything. Especially with so many unanswered questions. I would want to find out
- if he's had any kind of diagnoses - ADD, etc.
- if he's currently on any kind of medications
- middos. There's we're all human impatience (though people tend to put on their best faces while dating) and deal-breaking middos deficits. I have hunch it's not the latter, closer to the first, but I would want to know more. And if it's related to any neurological stuff.

I would want 100% transparency, including being able to speak to his doctor.

amother

Turquoise

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 9:01 am

imasinger wrote:

I would focus on the "b'kaaso"- how's his emotional regulation? If he's going to get frustrated by things like this in life a lot, does he deal with that in a healthy way? And does he make healthy decisions as a result? It's one thing to take your chances on parking. If he's driving the toddler to the babysitter and can't seem to buckle the carseat harness and you're not there, what would he do?

I'm also extra-focused on this because some people end up with compromised motor skills or navigating complicated things when they are overloaded with emotion. Actually, mist of us do occasionally- we're really upset, so we keep dropping things. We knock into something at someone else's house and can't seem to clean it up because we are so embarrassed. But some people get feelings that big very often, even most of the time. And it can affect them just as often. And how they deal with that is very, very important.

Keep your eyes open, and if it's early in the process, I might even call back some references and ask about this.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 9:38 am

This is not a question for Imamother, this is a question for a top level neurologist.

In the meantime, look up "dyspraxia". It explained so much of why my DH was so weird about so many things.

The good news, is once you know what it is, you can stop getting your expectations up about things that are not possible. You know what you need to accept, and you don't get frustrated so easily.

amother

Puce

Fri, Apr 23 2021, 9:45 am

Actually, this sounds like my 11 yr old daughter. To be honest, its a relief to me that this man is functional in society. He actually sounds amazing and gives me hope. The fact that he can work so hard to compensate for skills that others pick up so readily... If she has the patience to show, guide, and teach without being annoyed, she might be a partner to a man with immense inner strengths.

I would echo the emotional regulation piece and encourage your friend to have open conversations about it. My child gets frustrated and upset very very quickly and when she's in that zone, its almost impossible to reason or work with her. But when she winds down and it is b'h happening more quickly and readily as she grows up, she is aware and so so sorry. Truthfully, its exhausting living with her, but we try and try (and try and try) to help, guide, encourage and hope she will have an adulthood that is self-directed and fulfilling.