Husband doesn’t like sheitals

lamplighter

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 10:49 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So this is a spin off what people wear in the house.
I am newly married and my husband recently remarked that he prefers that I don’t wear a sheital and rather should wear hats/ tichels/snoods etc.
I have one sheital at this point- and too be honest, I tend to wear other options in most cases - but I appreciate the variety.
Much of his thoughts are that he does not believe they are as halachically because men are unaware if they are real hair. My thought (which is similar to what I’ve been taught) is a main component of hair covering is for the woman herself as she has the knowledge that she’s covering plus often times even if men can’t tell, women frequently are able to tell

It doesn't sound like he is demanding or expecting you to ditch the shaitels. He is expressing his preference.
You can just listen and say ok non committally and or say I feel more comfortable wearing a shaitel because xyz but thank you for telling me what you prefer.
And whenever you want to you can chose to honor his preference from a place of love. It's hard as a newlywed, it may mean less to you or to him as time moves on but for now listen and take notes. No lifelong decisions need to be made at this point.

Crookshanks

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 3:05 pm

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

You’re both wrong about the purpose of wearing a sheitel. It’s not about how any of you feels, hair is ervah and must be covered. Period.

Clearly that's how you hold, but there are many who hold differently than you. A comment like this doesn't help anyone. It just shows that you are narrow minded about halacha.

amother

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 3:38 pm

Thank you all for replying - provided me with added food for thought.
For some context we are Ashkenazi and Modern Orthodox RW so this was not really something I was familiar as a mainstream approach within our communities.

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

A husband that is proud of his wife when she dresses up for him at home only and not in the street where other men will see her and look is not controlling. It means hes following the Torah and doesnt want his wife causing sins. He is sensitive to tznius and shmiras einayim

But why is that on the woman? If someone is tznius and has a modest sheital - the shmiras einayim aspect of being cautious should be on the man.

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

What does his mother wear?

She is more modern and doesn't cover outside of shul

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

You’re both wrong about the purpose of wearing a sheitel. It’s not about how any of you feels, hair is ervah and must be covered. Period.

Yes - hair is ervah and needs to be covered.
HOWEVER the question was regarding wearing a sheital specifically. The hair is being covered. In your opinion do you believe that sheital hair is ervah - need clarification on that.

lamplighter wrote:

Yes, yes this is 100% the situation. He is not demanding or making expectations.

amother

Brunette

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 5:31 pm

Many great Rabbanim did hold that since todays wigs look so natural they look just like the erva they are supposed to be covering- so they asured them and said the wigs are like erva (its basically covering your erva with what looks like erva so it defeats the whole purpose of the mitzvah)
The head covering is supposed to look like an obvious head covering- not like someone else's erva on your head