Am I setting myself up for failure

amother

Wed, May 05 2021, 7:51 pm

Dd 6.5 and dd 4 sleep together. Dd 6.5 is very similar to dh. Specifically they have very similar anxieties. Dh is a student and has an office upstairs in one of the bedrooms. On the floor of his office is the bottom bed of a high riser that no longer picks up. We have a guest room but if we need another room for children of guests or another couple we use dd room and they sleep in dh office. Dd 4 sleeps on a toddler bed that makes its way between rooms depending on where it’s needed. So this past Shabbos we had company and the kids slept in the office. The guests stayed for an extra day so the kids were there sat and Sunday night too. Dd 6.5 slept really well there. She often wakes at night from noises etc and she hasn’t been and also she sleeps later when she’s there bec she’s less sacred. (She has a history of waking at 5:30-6 when she’s still tired but not being calm enough to fall back asleep) my kids really want to stay in this room. Dh is very much in support of them staying there. I think it’s a Mushagas. My main problem is that dh computer is in there and he quietly studies and does reports etc while they are falling asleep. I think it’s a terrible crutch for them to lean on and I know that if they get used it it it’ll be really hard to stop it. Last night I didn’t mention anything and we went to their reg room and started doing bedtime. About halfway thru dd6.5 bedtime story she remembered and started crying to switch. Dh heard and he was beggin me to allow it so I gave in. Dh is convince that he understands her (cuz they r very similar) and that this room is much less scary etc etc. I just think a bed on the floor wedged into the corner of a room brings her a certain level of security vs her reg bed which has a proper headboard/footboard and is next to a window therefore can’t be up against the wall... thoughts?

amother

Vermilion

Wed, May 05 2021, 8:04 pm

As Someone who had anxiety/ hard time sleeping as a kid I truly believe that you should do whatever you can and is reasonable (ie not in your bed) when you can. Its also sending that message message that you’re on her team and want her to be calm and relaxed. I don’t think it will make it worse/ be a crutch. If anything it will help her body learn how to relax and sleep for longer and she’s more likely to be able to do it back in her room in the future IMO

amother

Wed, May 05 2021, 8:34 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

Are you saying she's feeling more secure in the office because the bed is against the wall? Or because your husband is in the room while she falls asleep?
What's bothering you about making the switch? I don't understand what you're afraid of?

A combination of the 2. But I’m afraid of her getting used to dh being there and not being able to sleep without a parent in the room etc..

amother

Copper

Wed, May 05 2021, 9:13 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

A combination of the 2. But I’m afraid of her getting used to dh being there and not being able to sleep without a parent in the room etc..

Would dh be willing to go in and out of the room during the period of time that is falling asleep, and make a point of specifically not being there once or twice a week, so she feels secure that he's around in general, but gets used to falling asleep sometimes without him also.