Is this unfortunate, or should she be more accommodating?

notshanarishona

Fri, May 07 2021, 9:56 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Dh and I have plane tickets to go abroad on a little holiday, we booked them months ago.
My sil who works for me, said she might not be able to take over my playgroup, or have my dd stay by her in the end because she just realised that it's her birthday then, and her dh wants to take her away.
Which means we likely won't be able to go, or if we do it'll be more complicated for sure!

She's not booked anything yet, shouldn't she just go the week after us?! I mean she's an adult, it doesn't have to be on her actual birthday but I just said she should go ahead and book something and I'll have to work something out bc both are really my responsibility..

What do you all think?
I know I shouldn't work with family!

Has she previously committed to subbing for you or you were just assuming it wouldn’t be an issue?

amother

Fri, May 07 2021, 9:57 am

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

You say she works for you but is taking over your playgroup part of her usual responsibility? If it is not, but an added favor even though she works for you in another capacity coupled with the fact that you have so many reasons to think it MAY not happen, makes me think that she can discuss the possibility of her plans being definite with you without her being in the wrong.

She does a bit of both, sometimes on her own, sometimes along side me but she often comes extra if I have an appointment etc.. I asked her already if she can come those extra days, she said yes. Now she's saying that she wants to go away that same week. She's not booked anything yet, we have. That's the difference. I understand that it's my responsibility to sort out my work.

notshanarishona

Fri, May 07 2021, 9:58 am

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

OP, you're her boss, she works for you, you get to tell her that she can't take off that week. I know it's trickier because it's family, but she's your worker.

You can say she can’t take off (although she might resent you for it ) but you can’t say she has to sub and do extra work.

amother

Fri, May 07 2021, 10:00 am

notshanarishona wrote:

Has she previously committed to subbing for you or you were just assuming it wouldn’t be an issue?

See my most recent post. She has set days and times, but this was a one off that I asked her to do instead of her other days, when I'll be back iyh. She already said yes. I didn't think it would be an issue bc I text her a week ago to tell her that we've booked tickets for this date and can she come those days and can she have dd.. She said yes.

singleagain

Fri, May 07 2021, 10:00 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

To my mind this is the thing full stop. You asked she said yes she can't just change her mind for no good reason it's not like a medical emergency or something just because she wants to go away the same week tough cookies that can't happen. Like I said before she knew it was her birthday when she said yes..

amother

Fri, May 07 2021, 10:03 am

notshanarishona wrote:

You can say she can’t take off (although she might resent you for it ) but you can’t say she has to sub and do extra work.

If she goes away the same week as me, she'd have to miss one or 2 days that she usually comes to me. And we'd overlap by one of those days. It'll just be way harder for me to organise but it probably can be done. It's just annoying that she wants to go away that same week when we've already booked.

amother

Powderblue

Fri, May 07 2021, 10:58 am

If she committed she should keep her word, the question is what you can do about it. She is your SIL as well as a coworker/employee so you have to decide how important this is to you and your relationship going forward. If you find someone else to work those days and that person is a good employee, you may want to let your SIL know that you won't need her services in the future. Or maybe it's more important to you to let this go and keep working with your SIL. Only you can make that call.

amother

Salmon

Fri, May 07 2021, 11:20 am

Based on the timing, it sounds like she committed to you, and then mentioned it to dh not long afterwards, and he told her he had been planning to surprise her with a trip. And now she feels caught because she wouldn't have said yes if she knew, and as far as she's concerned, her dh and his plans are a priority, especially since he had them before she even told him. Hence the way she's approaching it.

And yes, niddah scheduling could definitely be a factor with pushing off or going early. They could even be trying to get away to relax before starting a cycle. Still doesn't make it a simple situation.